Me to my husband at the store seeing a genuinely cute plant “Your whore mom would like this”

My coworkers talking about Indeed but I need this job

Sometimes you gotta make his chest cave in sis

I took an Ambien with the intent to be asleep by 10 and it’s 10:30 I’m up on Bluesky smoking a joint. I gotta be up at 5:30 man

When IT remotes in on my computer to help me fix something 😭

I actually did change my major 🤣

Deactivated my Facebook today

Rethinking being an English major because why am I writing a paper about Hamlet wanting to fuck his mom 😭

In a Panera while my country falls to pieces. The worst part about the end of times is the fake normalcy.

It is 7:15 in the MORNING why is my Spotify so damn freaky 😂 #BlackSky

When Meet The Grahams comes on the shuffle

Why did my espresso stop working? 3 days in a row not once has it done its job

the Signal fiasco is a good reminder that while these people are destructive, and cruel, and bigoted, and petty they are also really, really stupid

Text STOP to stop receiving classified military operations.

Hey who has a psych degree? Why can’t I be proud of myself? I’m literally overachieving as always and I feel like a bum.

I’m in my car outside the gym smoking weed and the dude in the car parked next to me is doing coke?? Get your workout on ig 😭😭

We don't spend a penny on marketing. It's all word of mouth for @costplusdrugs.com That's how we keep prices so low. Please spread the word !

She said you just mad cause Payless ran outta plastic pumps for the after party 🤭

taking black kids away from their parents and putting them on farms seems really familiar to me! what could it be?

The thing that irritates me about e-lawn supporters is that that man is literally playing in yall face rn.

My favorite part about Office Culture is the fact that everyone here is very open about the fact that we all hate being at work and wish it was the weekend. Like yknow what hell yeah.

Uh uh that man is too horny for me

i feel like Bill Burr's got that George Carlin energy where you might assume he's a reactionary chud because Angry White Guy but he actually hates all the right people

Why I call my dr office saying these antidepressants ain’t CUTTING IT she’s like we have an appt in 3 weeks. Baby ima be ☠️ by the yeen got one little spot?

They’re emailing me about renewing my FAFSA while the DOE is abolished 🫠🫠

Aw shit Valentine’s Day almost here and I got my winter leg hair on still 😭😭

I’m a staunch feminist but I also say things like “that sounds like a man problem” when my key fob needs a new battery

Hyping myself up to be at work and I’m like “it could be worse, you could work for E-Lawn Must” so ima go do my jobby job and stay up 😭

I’m crying 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Wow. I got a 3.92 GPA last semester but I won’t be on the Deans list bc I switched majors and subsequently dropped a class. Still was full time. Man fuck them

Hey Drake!

“Say Drake”

Yall think Adonis watched the Super Bowl 😂😂

They shouldn't have cheated my Bills.

I mean go birds but that’s kind of a lot

Yall are killinggg meee

"Say Drake"

Kendrick: “Say Drake” Drake:

When you ask a toddler what they just put in their mouth

We definitely goin to war with Canada now 😭😭

Riding that bike

BlackSky being down after that performance is the cherry on top for me tbh. Happy Black History Month 😂

This clip alone made my whole week

Drake getting crushed worse than KC rn.. I feel alive