Every bird in my neighborhood shits like an adult human and always has diarrhea

Man I dunno Mitch McConnell's hand looked more fucked up than Trump's and that was like 27 years ago

In 2026 I don't want to hear or see the name "Elon Musk" again until it's his obituary

If I ever felt "heard and warm" from talking to AI, I would be too busy looking into whether my insurance would cover an elective brain MRI to post about it

Microsoft forcing an upgrade that requires new hardware simultaneous with AI pushing component prices through the roof won't bring about the Year of Desktop Linux, it'll probably just be the end of desktop computing outside of office jobs

In 9th grade these two older redneck kids started calling me "Cheeks" and I never figured out what, if anything, it was a reference to. I didn't really have a big ass or chubby cheeks or anything that I could make sense of as a point of departure for this. but they were relentless with it

Every generation has a few guys who come up against the philosophically maddening but universal fact that first-person experiences simply do not directly correlate to observable physical brain states and go "nah I can figure this out"

Chicken Bungus

That disorienting zone when you see someone arguing with an obvious joke and it's clearly not a bit, but then you click on their profile and they seem smart and you have mutuals, and you're like "...wait, am ~I~ stupid?" must be what it's like all the time to be a normal American on the internet

Prunus

At this point I do not understand the tap-dancing around just saying "white." Everyone knows what this is, and they have a mountain of evidence that they can say anything with no consequences so why the pussyfooting anymore

It's weird how Trump calls everything a witch hunt when probably like 80% of his base believe in witches

I regret to have learned on this holiday trip home that among normies Harry Potter is still absolutely the biggest fucking thing going, bigger than Star Wars, it's like maybe second to Christianity

PAUL ATREIDES: May thy knife chip and shatter. ME: [thought he said "have a good day"] You too!

IT’S CHRISTMAS EVE

This guy has worse instincts than one of those pedigree dogs so inbred it can't breathe

The process of every institution from universities to the press thoroughly converting themselves into a bunch of bowling pins to be knocked down by whichever passing right-wing imbecile has the least shame is pretty much complete

I like dogs overall but sometimes it's a little exhausting when everyone you visit on a trip has this combination toddler/monster whose 2 modes are "chaos demon" and "I am going to French kiss you"

I think putting gambling in everything is bad but as addictions go at least I know I'm basically too stupid to ever get too into it. You're basically getting hooked on math. Drug addiction is bad too but seems way more fun

Beef up your birds

Right wing grifters are predictable; to me every institution all going "Ahhh! You're right sir, we're dirty commies! You caught us! So sorry! We'll do whatever you say sir! We're so so sorry!!" whenever one of these fascist howler monkeys says Boo is the concerning new development

"Proved wrong" should become a Tumblr-type euphemism for "got killed"

I will never be a prompt engineer in either sense of the word "prompt"

Besides just being mean, it really seems like flushing a rat back down the toilet doesn't really solve the initial problem

Thinking about becoming Christian again so I can believe evil will be punished someday, since I guess there's no way it's ever going to happen on Earth

I think crazy ads like this are on purpose to get attention, like when shelters post a cat named Bean Supper the Third or something

yeah I know when TSA agents are barking "TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES DO NOT TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES LEAVE LAPTOPS IN OUT OF INSIDE BAGS DO NOT NOT REMOVE LAPTOPS" before herding me into the genital irradiator, the foremost thing on my mind is "I bet that bitch in the wheelchair is faking it!!"

Addiction is a disease ppl can't control, but I do think there's also a thing where people will be like "I'm gonna have 20 drinks a day for 20 years bc I like to party" and just statistically they end up falling into a sewer one night and being scared straight and now they can't have a beer with me

The Trump admin all look like that because they aren't getting enough seed oils

I'm legitimately so lucky to be allowed to raid my work's e-waste at a time like this. I'm snatching up 2TB HDDs, otherwise-capable laptops and mini-PCs that just can't do Win11, I'm turning old towers into NAS's and shit

Pivoting to video is always based on fake metrics, but it's also true that the average America extracts no more information from a block of text than they do from staring at a water stain on the wall anymore

It's annoying when people who are financially comfortable want to be venmo'd back for every little thing. Is it not a normal position anymore to assume that friends will pass the same 20 back and forth over time in a way that evens out? I'm talking about coffee runs, not owing someone like 100 bucks

Interviewing for a job working for Zack D. Films on Facebook as a rotoscope model (most people don't realize they do that)

People on the right have their scripts ultimately handed down by oil companies so "what they think" is immaterial but it does seem like a lot of them are genuinely baffled that being able to purchase total media saturation doesn't actually equate to much of anyone really liking any of them

You won't see as many people celebrate the death of a cool guy who made good stuff that people liked as opposed to a real dickhead who said evil shit all the time. Waow what does it mean

Sorry but it is simply never going to happen

Man saxophone is like 90% complicated dynamics, I think it might literally be easier to learn to play it for real than convincingly program a VST

No disrespect to Radley, who of course knows this, but cars are coded as cops in this country, in law and in the media, as opposed to the pedestrian/bicyclists criminal suspect. "Motorist" is an honorific like "homeowner" in comparison to the de facto suspicious person without a car or a home.

give me the god damn boot menu Lenovo I will FUCKING KILL YOU

Alrighty then.

Turns out the answer to "how you gonna keep em down on the farm is "turn the US into a bunch of exclusion zones whose borders are enforced by unchecked infectious diseases and various locally-enshrined bigotry regimes, while destroying as much transit as possible"

The existence of trans people forces us to realize that society's normal loadout of gender ideas are mostly unexamined question-begging just-so stories, which induces discomfort

If you're any kind of dissident or punk rocker or misfit or whatever you already knew this but it's come into such sharp undeniable focus lately that virtually everyone with any power is both repulsively evil and just rock-bottom dogshit stupid

I will face God and walk backwards into Hell before I ever "finish setting up my PC"

You can extract multiple thousands of hours of free labor from your employees over the years if you just have a shitty enough timeclock app

Gosh why am I selling fewer vinyl records than I did in 1990? It's uh. the homeless

Pretty inconsequential but one thing that's annoying about this age is that no retailer on this planet sells a decent simple zipper hoodie in a brick and mortar store

CEO has decided that "fob" as in "proximity fob" is too close to the slur "FOB" meaning "fresh off boat" which seems like a real bigotry deep cut, so we need to call them "e-keys" now. Even as a dedicated Woke 2 partisan I feel like this one's a bit of a stretch

"I'm switching to a different OS" is normally the "I'm moving to Canada" of being frustrated with Windows, but this time I actually finally made good on it. literally directly because of the aggressive AI shit

Ah cool after some research it seems to be an open secret that Arturia stuff just straight does not work on Mac, but for no real consistent reason, downloads just take hours and then usually fail. great!