Your mom's so fat this is the Amazon branded laptop stand she uses

Went to set up a Gmail address for my jetski tours startup, Jetski Excursions for Everyone, but my first choice was taken 😤 wonder who got it

Guy at the bus stop deciding not to fuck with me bc the crease on my face from sleeping weird on my pillow looks like a dueling scar

even if his brains weren't soft and full of holes and even if he werent dunning kruger and legendarily incurious you really can't keep electing people who have never had to run a household budget and buy things retail. you can't have people this out of touch running things. it's like a child king

So much for nominative determinism

At this point the word "mum" is so often attached to something evil that I've developed a Pavlovian revulsion to it. I don't care if you're British, if you say "mum" you're a pervert

New theory is he just thinks it's gay to be good at makeup

Finally put together an "all purpose" pedalboard that covers most needs I'd conceivably have. Tuner > Tubescreamer > Revv G3 > EQ > multi-FX (which should really be in the effects loop but oh well) > noise gate > signal splitter that goes A> out to amp and B> to IR loader to send to front of house

Anyone who just sets up a tent or parks an RV under a bridge gets swept instantly but guys who put a couch across the entire sidewalk and bike lane and are clearly stealing shitloads of bikes and scream slurs at anyone who dares try to access the MAX stop they're blocking get left alone for months

We need a pro-democracy Republican party! We also need a strong acid that is a strong base and some huge tiny well-lit dark rooms

ICE is creating a pile of public execution IOUs so big it's blotting out the sun. If I were one of these motherfuckers I would be securing my duffel bag of cash for the Breaking Bad vacuum cleaner guy about now

I don't like doing gender essentialism but I work at 8 locations for my job and how high the thermostat is set is locked in a 1:1 relationship with how many cis women work at a location. This one is set to "xenomorph hive" and they all still have 2 space heaters each

Healthcare tech needs are nuts; for any one provider you see there's an entire iceberg of tech with a trillion moving parts, fuckin USB devices that have to talk to servers on the opposite coast and then back in real time, fax machines...working in IT anywhere else after this will be easy mode

Holy shit, does this work??

Who gives a shit who blocks you? A thing you learn quick if you want any longevity as an artist of any kind with a tiny and occasional audience at best is, you don't whine about the people who didn't show up, you go hard for the 7 people who did

Finally watching Andor and I like it a lot but it's temping to like, "be inspired" or whatever from a lot of what feels like very topical commentary on power and authoritarianism and hope etc but then I keep going "well sure but these are a bunch of bumbling cartoon space bad guys"

This is fucked for all the reasons everyone is saying but part 2 is that if they've shut down most research and private equity'd most hospitals, when this kind of thing happens 20 years down the line what are they even gonna be able to do for him? Ivermectin?

One of those things that could be good in a decent society, but here in Hell people leave them strewn lengthwise across bike lanes and sidewalks and in the street, also here in PDX on weekend nights groups of "just a prank!" bros drunkenly buzz people downtown on them

If you guys haven't been keeping up with "Here's The Deal with Joe Biden" it's gotten really good; you can subscribe wherever you get your podcasts

Finally thought of an entry for that "things to know going into your 30s" thread: respect staircases. I've been injured so many times skipping down an unfamiliar staircase, or even one I know. Don't hot dog it, don't take em 3 at a time. It's always the dumbest shit that becomes a permanent injury

It sucks so bad to live in a reality with people this evil man. Every day demons from hell dunk on us and laugh and you can't say what they deserve

Whether you think he can make a flying car in 2 months or not, I think we can all agree: he looks awesome

"I renovated." Do you think Donald Trump has ever even opened a jar

OK I know this is a hack bit at this point but new solution to the Fermi Paradox: every advanced civilization eventually makes their shittiest guy king of the planet

New developments in "idiots with my name who think my email address is theirs"; someone has used my address as a backup email for some type of cloud storage that they've abandoned, so now 5 times a day I get an alert email that storage is full and delivery to their primary notification email failed

Sorry does Piers Morgan think ogling a hot lady on a magazine cover is a transaction that includes a contractual guarantee of specific chromosomes? Does he want his "AWOOGA" back?

I can't believe Trump is restarting nuclear tests. What is he doing?? He should be revaluing the dinar

my two moods, "what if there's no way for me to exist without causing harm to others" and "royalty free techno over How It's Made b-roll"

It sucks how Google sheepdogs you in a million little ways to use up storage and then never stops crying and threatening and begging and begging and BEGGING you to buy more. In the app a quick left swipe just archives mail; to delete you have to long-press individually and then tap the trash can

Me: ah shit I don't want to make other people sad or uncomfortable or annoyed. I'll probably just crush my needs into a small cube for 20 years Everyone else: I will step on the head of whoever is between me and the smallest thing I just decided I want and tomorrow I'll forget I even did that

mark....if you need help.....please reach out to chatgpt and ask it what to do when you're depressed

We already know how to do "life extension" but it's just boring stuff like universal healthcare and childhood nutrition and walkable cities and other stuff they want to eradicate

Real Ghostbusters-style proton pack I made in 2020 from foamcore and junk from around the house. The lights on the "cyclotron" part on bottom actually light one after the other in a circle like the movie props, the yellow ones blink down-up in sequence, and there's some other steady LEDs.

i think if you ride public transit enough you learn that most weird behavior is not dangerous, and conversely i think driving a car teaches you that everyone is trying to kill you at all times

I don't get why they bother with these anymore, just replace Mike Johnson with a cardboard cutout of Trump flipping double birds

Got some news that pushed my stress levels back around the bend to just "Lol." I should go try to get in a fight, I bet getting my face punched in and completely out the back of my head like a Ren and Stimpy animation would feel amazing right now

It's really not even worth chiming in with how when I was a kid I also had an "aunt" who was technically a family friend and not even related. They know this is common. It's so fucking stupid

"NO! NOTHING can be good! You're a stupid child for asking! In fact we're doing fascism now, because you asked! FUCK YOU" Ok. Well maybe I can take one or two of you down with me

I hate what an oof ow my norms! lib this administration is turning me into but this type of language on a government site is fucking nuts. This and Trump people answering "Your mom, you moron" to reporters' questions is how you talk if you think you're at the start of a thousand year reich

I strongly urge these people to keep saying shit like this into as many cameras and microphones as possible, it'll come in handy as a reminder if whoever is tasked with carrying out their sentences get cold feet before pulling the lever

I'm enough of a fucking old nerd to think the idea of some kind of open virtual world might actually be cool to play around with, but absolutely not for work meetings and also the Bored Ape thing has such unbearable loser stink on it

Thinking lately about how the form of the reprisals so many of these key figures fear amount to losing a sweet job while already being rich; it only filters down to violence and poverty onto the rest of us: people who lose jobs and status all the time for any or no reason

In the discourse about cars and parking, has anyone ever talked about how we could probably double available parking for free by teaching people how to FUCKING PARK? When I drive to work it's always like 9 cars taking up 37 spaces, it's like they were dropped here by a hurricane

It's pretty wild to see people kind of just becoming illiterate in real time, like my dept has a new boss who is a professional and everything but all her writing is like "hi can you look into they have laptop not work I think wa,s on shelf pleese looke fix now fix"

Man I don't know maybe it's time to just give up on any modern gaming I can't do on Linux/Mac. It's really the only thing still tethering me to this increasingly dogshit/evil OS

The most promising use cases people who use AI have explained to me is they can use it to like, search Sharepoint or whatever and tell it "ok make me a list of XYZ and write a summary" but like, doesn't that mostly just mean the original software needs better search tools?

the only possible solution at this point to any of this is all stuff you can't say

go for it stupids. who cares anymore

Lol at all these Very Smart Businessmen endlessly trying to get on the good side of a guy who is basically the scorpion from the fable, and whose most notable personality trait was turning on his allies on a whim, that is before he went completely senile. It might work for them though!

Want another guitar hot take? Fret wear doesn't matter. This guitar still sounds fine and plays great