Good morning patriots! brb rebranding “not being able to afford to eat because the president made gas too expensive” as “fasting.” Trump 2028! 🫡🇺🇸

the year is 2029. jeff bezos is being taxed at 77%. deposed prime minister donald trump is currently barricaded in the Beit HaNassi. its what historians call "a good time"

It’s going to be very unsurprising to watch Texas sink lower than ever and elect a man who makes Ted Cruz look like someone you’d want to have a drink with.

who still up getting their FICO scores changed

I actually don’t support the troops and it’s insulting to be forced into thinking any of them are progressive 😇

Sole tenet of most American voters

I love when @nymag.com Sex Diaries comes with a side of solid life advice:

Median American voter

Me when I have to Do Work instead of learn more about polyamorous drama 🫩

Front page of Hobart today😛 www.hobartpulp.com/web_features...

Sure, they undermine the dignity and humanity of the American people with just about every ruling they make, but Do Not, under any circumstances, make them feel bad about it.

I think it's good that every job application is like "You: 10 years experience of directing a team, mastery of Slorp, Glomp and Glooble, PhD in Kloopit preferred. Pay: $20/hr. Benefits: Min. emergency health coverage is $400/month. Paid time off: 1 day accrued after a year. We are People First! 😊"

EXTRA EXTRA My book is reviewed in @pangyrus.bsky.social ! 🪩💋🍓https://www.pangyrus.com/essay-memoir/some-girls/

I am always saying this

These people should be used for pig feed

it's 2018. i'm 18. a poll says a democrat has a chance at winning in texas. it's 2020. i'm 20. a poll says a democrat has a chance at winning in texas. it's 2024. i'm 24. a poll says a democrat has a chance at winning in texas. it's 2026. i'm 26. polling says a

the real reason no one cares about the shooting is that americans are addicted to fresh content with increasingly higher stakes and we've all seen this one before. get sam levinson to produce the next one.

might be one of the funniest videos i’ve ever seen

On Instagram you can have 1.7 million followers for posting videos of yourself saying things like “I love lunch” to another woman with a blowout on your Sirius podcast

Folks, it’s called 4th wave feminism and it’s actually problematic not to get Botox www.thecut.com/article/the-...

This Is Just To Say I have turned off the AI features that were in the update and which you were probably hoping to monetize Fuck you they were stupid so unnecessary and so annoying

I don’t know what you’re all worried about. I for one can’t WAIT for 2008 but worse for the rest of our lives because I hate eating!!!

Religion is good because its made-up rules are more important than the undeniable reality of a racist thieving pedophilic rapist who has decreased the material reality of everyone on the planet.

Hierarchical capitalism is Going Well

don't let anyone say or imply modern fascism is unavoidable or unbeatable these freaks lose all the time

JD Vance rn

you may not like it but like hasan piker does represent progress as a man who became successful for his looks without having much else to offer

a sex pest real estate guy who lost money on his casinos got elected president twice because he played a deals man on tv and then he destroyed the global economy. baudrilliard would die if he wasn't already dead.

extremely sick of this loser and he's not even in office yet

Hmmm, just checking in on the state of the personal essay and what adult writers are considering!

In hindsight, a society that requires directions to open a box of graham crackers was never destined to remain a democracy

we handed our entire government to a bunch of OBVIOUS lying cretinous bigoted malicious assholes WHO TOLD US they would TEAR EVERYTHING APART and yet continually we get the parades of 'gosh who knew it could be this bad'

This happened to Stephin Merritt but it was permanent

absolutely sick of and sickened by this necropolitical ass excuse for a nation

The only thing that can add to the immaculate vibes of having your teeth scraped at the dentist is the whiplash of the soundtrack jumping from Rihanna to Linkin Park to the Backstreet Boys, all on a throwback station, reminding you that you’ve been alive for 100 years.

Hello last day of Q1!

By all means--continue. www.hamiltonnolan.com/p/go-ahead-a...

Modern feminism is like ‘women of the world unite, you have nothing to lose except your disgusting physical imperfections’

I do not know a single professional writer who would consider doing this for one-tenth of a second. It would be like using a machine to eat food or have sex for you

If your man tell you... "we opening the marriage" get him a brother husband for Christmas

If my child identified as a phase of the moon I would shed a tear for how sweet that is and for how I did a good job of teaching them, and file it away as a cute anecdote to tell them when they’re older.

hating this little bitch of a man being one’s entire personality is in no way overreacting

I never feel old but this week at the dentist a throwback radio station played the Real Slim Shady and watching that video every day on TRL does actually feel like 60 years ago

things are going well in America because if you have $400 in savings you’re middle class and if you’ve ever read a book you’re a genius

we need to establish "content creator" as a slur because wtf is going on

i am, effective immediately, opting out of the american century of humiliation. it will not apply to me. thank you!

Presidential debate moderator: how many genders are there? Me:

just scared myself by realizing that a lot of people have a rolodex in their mind of every ugly b-side villain that haunts each micro-news cycle instead of the names of who was on rotation at the Troubadour in like 1971