Cashier as she loads five pumpkin spice products into my grocery bag “I’ve heard stories of people like you…”

i am not who i was - by Chance Peña

Size diff is cool until you have to adjust the rear view mirror every day

Whenever I’m hanging something on the wall using the studfinder @tolf.dog appears and puts it against one of us, starts beeping and saying “STUD FOUND”

I’m snow white up in this bitch

Just being normal - 📸 @speakfrisk.bsky.social

Be gone crud!

LITTLE DEER BIG STUPID. THANKS @spiltgrapesoda.bsky.social

He either really likes bags or doesn’t want me to leave. (he really likes bags)

Did you know that pudu are the world’s smallest deer? Southern Pudu only reach up to 18 inches tall, while their Northern cousins only reach up to 14 inches! These herbivores are native to South America and are currently listed as “threatened” due to habitat loss.

"You'd look so good in a cage"

What they want: me playing something impressive and technically challenging What they get: 15 different ways to play a C chord

“What is this?” my straight friend asked as he pointed to my folded up sling in the closet Me: “don’t worry about it”

Me: we only have 3 more hours of daylight so we can’t dawdle @tolf.dog: did you say… dawdle? Me: it’s a thing people say! Tolf: yeah if they’re like 70 years old

Exclusive: Christian Nationalist Rally by Anti-LGBTQ Group Will Take Place at Cal Anderson Park Barring a last-minute change of heart, the city plans to permit the Memorial Day event this week based on legal advice from City Attorney Ann Davison. publicola.com/2025/08/13/c...

Autoflush toilets are a conspiracy by people who wipe while sitting in order to discriminate against us standing wipers

Thousands of miles away but I felt like I was home

I can’t stop

they got grandma working the telegram spambots

Cover of Please Don't Make Me Cry by Lianne La Havas

Today I learned not only do electronic bagpipes exist but people buy PA systems for them

Cover of Bones Shake by Hazlett

I'm convinced that this ancient bust of Nero depicting him with a heinous neckbeard was also part of the slander campaign perpetrated by his enemies

If musicians really want to support political candidates they should put them on their songs as features

Fuck your ass? Ok pottymouth. I think you mean fudge your ass

It's July 1st and you know what that means... Goodbye Pesky and hello Preston!

Mom: so what does your cheese necklace mean though Me: it means I like cheese Mom: that's not very normal to wear Me: I'm not exactly normal Mom: yeah...

Do you find yourself having trouble finding a place to display your ostrich egg? I know I do!

Tuna over potatoes for lunch

We're really in it now, aren't we

Getting all my friends into football gear kink so I can trick them into playing football with me

Nooooo www.11alive.com/article/life...

Just chilling outside on the porch enjoying the weather and @tolfdog.bsky.social sends me a picture of my feet from the doorbell camera

Smooth

Me

Dumb dog met other dumb creatures

BRING.. ME.. TO.. LIIIIIIFE

Who up watching the pope draft right now

Have you spotted the new pudu yet? This little one was born on April 29th! She and mama Riley are doing well. If you want to catch a glimpse of this bundle of joy in person, you’ll need to look carefully as Mama keeps her quite close. We’ll be sure to let you know when baby pudu has a name!

Food $200 Data $150 Rent $800 Coffee Grinder $4100 Espresso Machine $3600 BEAN HOLDERS $300 Utility $150 someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying

When my pale skin is exposed to the sun after a long winter

Chainsaw man out here trying to doggy mode me. Friend said "you'd like that wouldn't you" 💀

Slut shaming is wrong and I would never slut shame anyone... except these birds outside. They won't shut the fuck up. They're so desperate... embarrassing...

I'm a thirsty little cactus 😩

I lost my train of thought and this came out instead. I am hungry though. Should probably eat something.

I'm a blow on my face and feet kinda guy. Never understood people who put their car's AC towards their windshield

What would life even be like if I didn't have a strange creature following me around all the time

Really cool attention to detail that these Mariners branded roasted peanuts are just as disappointing as the baseball team

What's a nice way to tell my coworker to stop giving me meaningless AI slop to review?

Thank you @ccartstuff.bsky.social for the new stickers!