The way the national media talks about the Orioles sort of ignores the Orioles’ own peculiar internal physics. I think it’s just as possible that Taylor Ward was our impact bat, we add a 2- or 3-hole starter and a set-up guy that we’ll use as a closer, and Mike calls it a day.

Here it is Mike are you a man or are you a mouse?

Here’s where I land: Lackluster move, with the promise of danger… that’s the Elias way.

We’re one Cowser head-first slide into first away from full-time starting center fielder Leody Taveras.

I woke up thinking that we want Mike Elias to spend money, but he seems weirdly bad at spending money.

My last skeet before sleeping: they should just go ahead and bring Ceddy back now, too. Build the whole team out of outfielders.

Mike Elias cooking up a move that provides as little upside as possible with the potential to be absolutely devastating

This approach worked out well for our starting pitching acquisitions last year

The universe saw me complain about Tyler O’Neill and said “here, have a second one.”

So Cowser is just going to be our full-time center fielder?

He’s a rental?!

I can’t believe we gave up Laureano.

Wait. What?

lol the Yankees definitely didn’t expect or want Grisham to accept that qualifying offer

Anyway, back to baseball!

bet you miss us now, scoffed the Bad Art Friends

just imagining waiting a year to publicly drop an atomic warhead on an ex but being like “gotta get that big bamboo metaphor up in there”

Aiming for Joan Didion but landing on Eva Braun.

We have to outlaw wildfire and invasive plant metaphors until someone can figure out what the hell is going on

to have an affair with one longshot presidential candidate twice your age that you’re profiling may be regarded as a misfortune; to have two looks like carelessness

As an aside, if you have an invasive bamboo problem, you do not live in an area of DC that can be afforded by a journalist who makes their money from journalism.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

@JeffPassan tweeted BREAKING: First baseman Josh Naylor and the Seattle Mariners are finalizing a five-year contract, sources familiar with the deal tell ESPN. The first major free agent to sign this winter goes back to Seattle, where he was beloved after joining the Mariners in a deadline trade.

Naylor staying with Mariners, alas

Nothing like the love affair between sports broadcasters and saying “uncomfortability”

Heard rumbles of Joe Singley hire online yesterday and thought “this seems too good to be true.” Hell yeah!

i’d be more comfortable with the olivia nuzzi coverage if every story was headlined something like “seduced by a guy who eats roadkill: the story of an extremely stupid lady”

I watched the entire fourth quarter standing. Craziest game I’ve ever seen. No subs, only one starter in the group, all grit.

Do you think the Phillies training staff has to monitor Bryce Harper’s citrus intake

Why is Aaron Judge dressed like lesbian The Rock

Wife is going to mute me for scribbling a baseball lineup on the first draft of history

Spoiler: one of the recent front-office promotions has the GM title already, but it’s a secret that will only be revealed when we try to poach the director of analytics from the Amarillo Sod Poodles

Just one back-end reliever? Preferably with closing experience? I think he misspelled “two high-leverage set-up guys and a proven, lights-out closer”

A bench coach with recent World Series experience 👍

Every day the Orioles spend not joining Bluesky (for made-up reasons they’re passing off as league-mandated), I convince another quadragenarian pitcher to sign somewhere else. The 92-mph fastball’s in your court, O’s admin

Is this a promotion or demotion?

Proposing that we bring back the Guardians pitcher whose club option Cleveland declined, and teach him to hit. Only then could we truly say that Bourgeois owns the production of Means.

This is good news, but it doesn't *feel* good to have a push alert that's like "we decided against taking away your rights again, this time."

Look at my opposition party, dog

If you’re in line to apologize to Lindsay Gottlieb, stay in line.

Pages' most heroic moment of the 2025 right there.

There have been multiple huge failures at an institutional level when you have a player making $4.5mil this year and set to make $6.4mil next taking a $12,000 bribe. League sponsored sports betting is a scourge.

The best thing the 2025 Orioles did to get out of their slump was move Mansolino away from third base decisions, so…

Heroes

Aw poop, we’re no longer playing the Texas Rangers on Pride Night.

Air traffic controller, much like teacher, strikes me as one of those professions that should be much, MUCH higher paid than it is, given what a load-bearing job it is for the wellbeing of the country.

basically every 2024 truism is dead. Trump did not build a lasting multiracial coalition or turn young men into committed Republicans. You don’t need to cave on trans rights to win. The pundits have nothing left to tell you.

USC women’s basketball, even without JuJu this year, is going to be fun ✌️ I love this team, a lot to root for.