I swear nothing gives me more social anxiety than being the last customer in a place before it closes. I'm so sorry, please forgive me.

My youtube wrapped just told me to kill myself

A lady in front of me at the store today was trying to use some kind of scam MAGA credit card thing at the checkout. I'm trying to find a picture of it online so I can show my friends, but I keep finding OTHER Trump scam cards. Where do old people even find these super obscure grifts to buy into?

We went to the bar and they have a TV playing Sonic Underground???

At a japanese restaurant in south carolina and the waitress asked if I want sweet tea with my sushi like its a standard expectation here. Fascinating

There are some classic movies I've never watched, and it's purely to save some wonderful new experiences for myself in the future. I've never seen No Country for Old Men or Ghost in the Shell. I know that I will love them someday, and that keeps the magic of movies alive for me even as an adult.

Got my colonoscopy, and that anesthesia really is like a truth serum. Apparently I was just asking people for soda instead of divulging dark secrets though.

and a happy neopets advent calendar to all who celebrate

Its 2am and im doing my second round of colonoscopy prep. This should be against the geneva convention

I'm having a colonoscopy the Monday after thanksgiving and just found out I can't eat cranberry sauce. This is my 9/11.

Can't stop thinking about this painting that was hanging at the hotel.

It's been strangely healing to be back on tumblr. Instead of being assaulted with terrible news all day on other sites, I get to see arts and crafts. I have 50,000 tags blocked, but it's really boosted my mental health to do it.

Went to the thrift shop today and found this incredible relic.

Went to the comic shop today, and the guy working there recommended me a few horror books I've never heard of. Really surprised me. Usually, I've at least heard of things people tell me to check out. I'm really excited to read whatever UFO Mushroom Invasion is.

I made the pie and its shockingly good? And it actually does taste like baja blast. I'm amazed and horrified.

Couldn't get a baja blast pie, so I'm making my own by cooking a key lime pie with reduced soda.

Sometimes working for wealthy people is cool because they're like- "hey I saw that guy was mean to you for no reason, so I brought you a whole pizza byeeee"

Lol the local marathon completely blocked us into our house. Mandatory day off, apparently.

Filled my entire desktop aquarium with orcas. Crashed the computer at work doing it. 👍

My shrimps exploded in the microwave...

the enchanting shape of Pig

Why do latte machines at the car dealership slap so hard and how can I get one?

Just had a guy running the dumbest scam I've seen a minute. He claimed he was with the federal reserve. It's saturday. And the government is shut down.

It's gonna be a long day. I've only been at work for 23 minutes and someone already caused a car accident. When you back up your car, please make sure to put it back in drive when you want to go forward lol

Happy Birthday @spookysammy.bsky.social

Saw a sovereign citizen in real life for the first time. They had a license plate with all 8s and "sovereign citizen" printed where the state would normally be. I'm not fully caught up on sovereign silliness, so I'm not sure if the 8s mean anything specific, but wow.

I swear pho is the most potent healing item on the planet. I've always felt immediately better every time I've had it.

sam: hey I ate your pizza in the freezer while you were gone and it sucked me: what pizza sam: the pizza with sausage on it me: i didn't buy pizza with sausage on it sam: neither did i, i would never buy pizza with sausage on it me: neither would i

One of the only male teachers I ever had was a conspiracy freak who thought vaccines caused autism, and that the nazis found a source of magic power but were too late to use it to win the war.

I think about her every damn day...

Poltergeist 2 might be the only horror movie that has permanently changed my daily habits. I can't ever drink something without inspecting the glass first, otherwise the tequila worm monster might get me.

I feel like people are starting to forget that landline phones still exist. The number of complaints I've gotten from people at work about not responding to texts sent to our landlines is crazy.

We went to the beach this morning, and the whole shore was covered in fruits?? Like apples, oranges, and a watermelon? It was a lot of fruit really far apart all across the beach. What was up with that

Maybe it was a mistake to drink 16 fluid ounces of prune juice before getting on a plane.

A guy at work saw me playing the anime horse girl game on my phone and only said "ahh, that." In the most disaffected voice I've ever heard.

Saw this beautiful tribute to Divine on my trip to Baltimore.

Crab

im dead now

Might fuck around and become a gnostic. See if blaming all my problems on the demiurge helps me feel better about life.

Desmond woke me up at 4am to tell me that David Byrne is performing in my hometown several months from now.

Someone at work offered to get us Starbucks, which was very sweet of them, but I have no idea what on earth they just gave me. This is not iced matcha. It's thick, creamy, and tastes like pure stomach acid. I have no idea what this is and I'm scared it might kill me.

WORK IS INSANE IM CHASING A PEACOCK

Had a fun little discovery while cleaning today. I found my old cat bus wallet that I used until it was pulverized and falling apart. 15 years after getting it, I can actually read the japanese text inside.

I decided I have to become one of those people who have an annoyingly fun office space with little toys and stickers everywhere.

I wanted to make a cake, but we ran out of eggs and substitute ingredients. I heard about making a cake with soda, but I only had energy drinks. Now I have a very sticky orange monster cake that gives you heart palpitations when you eat it.

When I were a lad this was our meme and we were grateful for it.

I won employee of the year at work! They gave me a little crystal plaque for my desk and a cool pin for my uniform.

Desmond and I finally got to use the taiyaki pan he gave me, and I love these crispy little fish so much. Anko has to be one of my absolute favorite dessert foods.