This is honestly, by far, the worst birthday I remember ever having. The bathroom door in the chalet I’m sharing with a colleague (one double bed) doesn’t latch and there’s a pair of men’s boxer briefs hanging on the door.

I’m smoking too much for how little I’ve drunk.

Birthday gutters.

This year’s birthday present from work is slightly better. Choc chip cookies and a tiny bottle of Jägermeister. Except I don’t drink Jäger at all. And they should know this by now.

I didn’t realise this dress was quite as busty. Definitely not going back into the puzzle scrum.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Got my sunglasses on. Contemplating propping myself up in a corner somewhere to have a snooze.

Ah yes. All the randoms on LinkedIn sending me automated birthday wishes. FML.

How is it only 09:38? I’m so, so done.

We were on a wild goose chase and now I’m among my kin (Egyptian geese). Look how absolutely thrilled I am to BE ON A FUCKING BOAT.

Brands sure now how to make you feel special.

It’s windy, overcast, and the function is next to a river. If I got two hours of sleep, it’s a lot. I’m tired, in pain, and not in the mood for anything.

Discovered cleaner turned the fridge off. Glad I caught that before being away for two days.

Oh look. Is my birthday. And I have get up in five hours.

Can’t sleep. Hip in so much pain tonight. The constant rain and chill are definitely not helping.

So besties, did you all behave? I just had one large G&T and so.much.sushi 🍱 Gonna try for an early night because the day’s been long and tomorrow is another early start.

An instruction manual seems unnecessary.

Why are so many manufacturers going back to dresses without pockets? I think I’m going to spend my holiday making pockets for all my dresses and stitching them in.

Wonder if I can have a quick nap before maatjie picks me up for all-you-can-eat sushi?

The cleaning lady is a stacker. She’s reorganised everything. But the floor is freshly washed so I can just redistribute everything.

Just remembered I’m getting chocolate cake from my favourite bakery next week.

Man I love the parentals. "William, what broken key is this?" "Louisa, I'm not in the mood for your forensics" "But I need to know" "It was the garage key and I replaced it a long time ago, I showed you." "Why is my car's door open?" "Because I left it open!"

It’s a lovely morning. Sun bright - for now. Expecting thundershowers in the afternoon. Not because it was predicted by the weatherman or anything. Just because that seems to be Jo’burg’s thing now.

I just heard some “catchy” song and the lyrics were something along the lines of “it’s not Christmas till somebody cries”. According to that logic, every day is Christmas.

You're not imagining it. Rocky the Ram's humming "🎶 All i want for Christmas is ewe🎵" He’s very lonely.

Cleaner was booked for 8. I was going to get up and shower at 07:30 - plenty of time. She showed up at 07:18. And tomorrow I need to leave my house by 06:00. I’m just an eepy bby.

Still raising funds for my surgery. Every donation helps - no matter how small. Please share with your friends/family. Happy to answer any questions about this.

Ok. Gonna give a “married to the mob” seksietimes book a go.

Mamarental is feeling depressed that I’m getting all the deliveries. Gonna build them a nice hamper for delivery this week.

I was copied on a mail asking Anna to QC a document. There was an unfortunate “l” added to the end of Anna. I giggled.

It’s Sagittarius season babyyyyy!

Usually I let the frozen muffins defrost at room temperature. Currently eating them straight from the freezer and it’s pretty good, actually.

Finally sitting down to eat. Started with the update of the gin guide. And you know that thing where you get sucked in when you’re doing something you like and you don’t notice the time passing. That’s fantastic. I’m having so much fun.

So maybe I should reconsider festive tequila binging.

It’s my birthday soon, so you are contractually obligated to post something.

Dinner is some wood-smoked German-style viennas.

Annoyed that I now seem to have misplaced my Bluetooth media trigger. I knew I shouldn’t have tidied my desk.

Ooooo! I like this electric blue mascara.

This one is going to be spectacular. Cherry daiquiri syrup, cherries in port (with a bit of the port syrup) sunk fat and heavy at the bottom. Cape holy and wild plum gin, pink grapefruit and strawberry-flavoured tonic.

Chilling the rooibos, apple, and mint syrup I made for the one cocktail. Looking at the mess my desk is. Should I scan a millionty pages with my phone or maintain my knitting tradition during the F1.

Getting a cleaner in on Wednesday so I guess I need to start tidying the flat. But also, strangely, want to get started on my two literary holiday projects. Oh wait, I’m supposed to do the cocktails first.

Time to do some seasonal cocktail content. Might be tipsy later on. Ask and ye shall* receive. *might

In honour of the last Grand Prix today:

So for this year-end function (that seems to get worse by the minute) we’ve been asked to share something people generally don’t know about us but is out of the ordinary. I sent them options - listed in the alt text.

I’ll post something guttery on the alt a bit later.

And since Sunday Gutters have been absent for a while:

Also…

I need a new tattoo and I didn’t even know it was going to be something like this. Need a sponsor and design suggestions, please.

Afrikaans words that get progressively worse. Part 1

Resisting making a cheese bap. I’m weak.