I earnestly think if you got a problem with No Kings then you should seek out a No Kings participant in person and explain what your issues are face to face

The only likable thing about Kristi Noem is that she kills dogs

Telling Jesus he'll never make it if he keeps being so hostile to wealth. Advising him to moderate his message to appeal to the Galilee suburbs

I hope this email finds you well, I hope that our few remaining friends give up on trying to save us. I hope we come up with a fail-safe plot to piss off the dumb few that forgave us

we only listen to victims when they ask for more punishment, incarceration vengeance. if this woman was asking for veteran support, or the end of imperialism she would never be given a mic

They told me if I voted for Kamala the US would continue to be involved in foreign wars, and they were right!

"The Islamists oppose women getting an education," I mutter, as I aim my missile at the girls school

Good news: Chomsky is cancelled, you no longer have to manufacture consent

do people who stream video games play like shit on purpose to drive me insane what the hell

INTERVIEWER: Can you explain this absence? JESUS: That's when I carried you.

I understand the instinct to donate to orgs that are helping trans folks flee red states but let's not forget about the orgs that are still fighting for trans folks in red states.

Fifth Amendment means vampires can't come into my house without being invited read the constitution.

I transitioned on the road as a student tour director and I was in a hotel lobby while some of my students were on the couch watching the news about that trans swimmer or whatever It was just a really surreal moment, I think the stakes of what I was in was starting to sink in

From Umberto Eco's 'Ur Fascism' "I had also learned that freedom of speech means freedom from rhetoric."

I think Sarah McBride should go to the the State of the Union and call Trump 'faggot'

self defense books are worthless; I keep tossing them at the head of my head attackers and they never slow down

Jesse Singal is the most trans woman-ass name

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named myself after Flannery O'Connor because she's who I always imagined my biological mother was, but also because she's a racist and It's a reminder to myself that no insight can outpace the bullet of racism.

Selling a mattress on craigslist, wanting people to know it's not gross, writing "Did not have sex on mattress" then worrying they'll think I'm a loser and changing it to "Had a lot of sex on mattress"

you’ll need a vigorous and active congress passing legislation, both to flood the zone and to weaken the court’s political position. overturning legislation is a different political prospect than invalidating executive action

it’s time for a total and complete shutdown of congressional metaphors until we can figure out what the hell is going on

(Wait) Oh yes, wait a minute, Mister Policeman (Wait) Wai-hey-hey-hey-it, Mister Policeman (You could had saved her, look and see) Whoa yeah (I gave you all the clues, straight from me) Please, please, Mister Po-licee-man

anyway time for me to re-up my view that when you make claims like that as a journalist you should be able to answer the simple question “who said this and why do they matter?”

Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man about Phish and he won’t shut up about Phish.

The more I think about the DC press slagging AOC for a lack of FP depth while Donald Trump is President, twice, is making me angry enough to explode. The fuck is wrong with the journalists that they're like this

Honestly the most predictable thing. It was kinda wild for a moment everyone assumed there wouldn't be massive buyer's remorse

why do they make Lady Justice so fuckable

I don't care if a poll shows the entire working class is against trans people (they aren't) I will never ever ever not support the bodily autonomy and human rights of trans people and any politician who is swayed by polling over their own conscience is a coward who should fuck off

luckily Shia learned to survive by drinking urine while filming Holes (not the movie)

that scene in Magnolia where Philip Seymour Hoffman gives the "you know that scene in the movie" speech, except for it's me and I'm explaining to the cops why I'm fucking a pie

people on Twitter will be like "Bluesky is so cringe" and then tweet their opinion about ice cream that gets them death threats from a 16-year-old

do they ever kiss?

GOD: I want you to give a name for all the animals. ADAM: ok. "Animals." GOD: No, give a name to each of the animals ADAM: that one's Dave.

Imagine Superman, but he can only fly butt-first.

Enflaming yourself with idols under every green tree!

my favorite way this is expressed is a Dutch saying "in history, we walk upstairs in slippers and downstairs in clogs"

If you agree to go somewhere with someone and you didn’t really want to go, be a good sport. Don’t complain and don’t ruin it for them with a bad attitude.

[first time at church] so, which one of those guys are "God?"

people like we'll look at these fascists in power and say "these chuds didn't get beat up enough as a kid," about people who got beat up all the time

I don't get t4t couples because, like, both of us can't be poor

clifford the big red dog is just prepping for macro fetishists. everyone knows this right this isn’t a new post that nobody’s made before. clifford isn’t really a popular character anymore so i just wanted to remind everyone . have a nice day

I feel like a lot of dolls have trouble discerning between reading/shade and just being an asshole to each other.

Inside of you is two wolves. Nicky Two Wolves, this guy can get you anything just wait and see.

calling chopped liver "chomped liver" and starting fights with anyone who corrects me

IDK my BFF Jill Stein

Kid Rock and his unexciting brother Adult Jazz.

Jesus was like ”might lose followers for this but one of you will betray me”

went to a Great Gatsby party the other night and all we did was stand around and watch some dude die in a pool.