shaggy had a dysphoria beard.

I bet some dinosaurs were delicious.

going to make a Broadway play and have the theme be something like "thinking about sex is unethical" and then after curtains I'll stand outside the theater eyeing people as they leave to make sure the message really settles

I guess I would generally say I'm pro-urbanism but urbanism as this political class feels very cold. it just pivots from the Robert Moses "he values cars more than people" to "they value bike lanes more than people" A lot of it feels like it misses what makes the soul of a city.

here are a couple screenshots from my upcoming video essay on Contrapoints & Grief

I was reading about ad firms using AI, and they rationalize the ads unpopularity with "oh, it got your attention" which strikes me hypocritical, nobody (in ad industry or lay commentary) looked at the Dylan Mulvaney mess and justified using her for a brand deal with "oh, got your attention"

trans subreddits are like "ACAB includes Mrs Larson my second grade teacher"

What if I just started doing bits and never stopped

trans reddit advice is like "body fat not redistributing? get a eating disorder!"

if I had a kid who was going to school, I would Game of Thrones the shit out of the PTA

if I was a porter at a haunted hotel I'd say stuff like "oh yeah, I see weird stuff all the time"

there is a certain condescension in the idea that “racism should be publicly unacceptable and come with consequences” is an attack on the “working class.”

if I was a ghost detective, I'd murder other ghost detective and then put my hand on my forehead and pin the crimes on the other other ghost detectives and then have a ghost detective monopoly

I hope my son is ok.

people will say they "fingerblast" someone but they never say they "penisblast"

good morning everybody. the enema has led to a horrible discovery. we will now drive the Kia soul to the hospital, as we cannot afford an ambulance

I think I'd get less stressed over clique-y Bushwick transbians being shady or whatever if they'd not tense the fuck up when I start to clap back/bust balls/play dozens whatever.

Some teen in the subway next to me said "his names Zoltan Mamdani or something"

Shout out to bisexuals

Are there cis puppy girls? Have you met a cis puppy girl? Or at that point does that just become some chick doing pet play? Is a puppy girl pet play or furry or both? Why are cat girls less common nowadays? Were they supplanted by the puppies or just go away?

I knew nine people who died when I did stand up comedy, I think the most innovative one was the comic who got blind drunk and walked onto a freeway on-ramp against traffic, in the rain, until he found what he was looking for

finally some good news

unsolicited advice, but I feel like if you're a trans person on tiktok/IG, if you can't be a hot 22 year old, your character has to be "somebody with a job"; That's how audiences will connect to you So, Mercury Stardust is a handyman, Dylan mulvaney is an actress, I'm a tour guide

Batman is able to take Superman because he had PrEP time

Jane Goodall died as she lived, fuckin a gorilla

Explaining to my girlfriend that I refuse to clean the apartment as it does not address the systemic conditions that made the apartment messy in the first place

In 2015 I knew a dominatrix who tied up her sub and forced him to watch an entire Trump speech

The purpose of all art is; 1. To defeat your audience 2. Defeat that person you feel hypercompetitive with who has no concern on whatever you live or die 3. Defeat your father

I suspect that most police officers hate ICE officers just because ICE officers get paid so significantly low so it would attract the type that would make even cops go "yeesh, get a load of that guy"

Should i fake being pregnant on Instagram and post a fake sonogram and then fake raising a baby and then getting in fake fights on mommy blog comment sections about the right way to raise my fake child.

Is this the same person who did the major bet on the future with VR and the metaverse?

Holy crap, hunchback of Notre Dame slaps. I think it might be the best Disney Renaissance film. I haven't really seen it until now

Update: Civil War cancelled due to shooter being demographically uncooperative

I'm not against political violence, but I find the people who talk about political violence all the time to be just using it as a self-sooth and using politics to rationalize it, and they lack the maturity that it would actually take to use violence effectively. "firebomb a wal-mart" shit.

grief insomnia's all like "why sleep when you can think about THE ACCIDENT"

ME: I'm sorry I'm late to the session, I'm such a piece of shit THERAPIST: do you have a challenge to that negative thought? ME: I'm sorry I'm late to the session, *you* are such a piece of shit

"i-i-iIt’s actually far, far worse on Bluesky. The nastiness and vitriol here makes X look civilized and high-minded by comparison. T-t-t-the close-minded scolds on here shouldn’t flatter themselves"

tom buchanan ass sentence

wow, I used to go to Pulse and this is the first time in 9 years something there's been painted.

Do you think the cars from the Cars universe know how to finger blast, if so, what would that look like??

In Middle School a buncha kids were playing magic the gathering and the teacher actually called it "magic the summoning" and I immediately thought the company changed their name because they were using the cards to bring about the end of the world and they were signaling their next phase

Hey @governor.ny.gov , why have you not signed our Shield 2.0?

I didn't see this one coming

i really think the only reason we haven't created new states — which was a common political tactic in the 19th century, see nevada and the dakotas — is that 50 is a round number

Patient, sobbing: But Doctor, I AM Pagliacci! ChatGPT: Apologies. I didn't realise when recommending Pagliacci's epic show to cure your depression that you were the genius himself. I'm impressed! With regards to your initial question, I can recommend seeing the Great Clown Pagliacci.

Just found out my cat is actually a PSL front

I tried to move my comic book collection but it was hard because I had a bunch of back issues.