#PoopNews from antiquity!!

My wife said ‘Oh, a little light reading about #heroin with your coffee…?’ #amreading

We just watched the Rom-Com-unism episode of #TedLasso with BookNerd and realized maybe we should EDUCATE her…what are the TOP rom-coms you would recommend for the uninitiated? And in what order? Thinking Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to start…

Does my son actually LIKE to do puzzles or does he know it is an effective way to get me to sit down so he can sit on my lap for an extended period of time?? We may never know.

Uh…so they may have made it TOO easy to summon the cops…we were just visited by the police… Because #LittleGuy called 911 and hung up, on his sister’s phone 🫠 (He was VERY reluctant to come to the door and speak to the police officer…b/c he knew ‘she is going to say not to press that button’)

My wife has just posited that saying ‘man’ to someone (like ‘I don’t know, man’) is kind of detached and referring to someone as ‘bruh’ is more personal. I will be thinking about this for some time, man.

#FartScience is very closely related to #PoopNews

I work in the Upside-Down…I typically think that masking is a sign of intelligence…like you’re being smart about protecting yourself and others from communicable diseases…HOWEVER, there is a flu vaccine mandate here and if you refuse, you are required to mask at all times during flu season…

Did the DEA send me a BS email about PINK COCAINE because of #ValentinesDay??

I finally turned Siri on on my phone so I wouldn’t text while driving and now I find myself yelling across the room at my phone to snooze an alarm or set a timer…damn, it’s a slippery slope.

Wait. THIS is what doubles luge looks like?? Surely this started as A JOKE…

Sending out the #Sociology bat signal… @jessicacalarco.com

Ok no more random weekday desserts and back to the gym more than once a week (none last week…Thanks, Virus!). I’ve got to get back on track!

I'm sorry the guy changing the rules on the fly is named what

Because it turns out SARS cov2 is not the devil, not omnipotent, and it has attenuated in severity over time, but is still a novel and bizarre virus that shows exceedingly interesting capacity and bears real, meaningful study not aimed at maximizing or minimizing but accurate understanding

Damn. I love it when humans show up, having done their homework.

🧵

Guys!! Share your top options! My wife and discussed other potential humans masquerading as Muppets: Benson Boone Jennifer Coolidge That dude in the horrible suit on the platform in the air on the Grammy’s (new artist nominee)

Perfect. No notes.

Oh man, the Tween Drama of not being allowed to read the EXACT book you want EXACTLY WHEN you want to… Can anyone on here speak to the appropriateness of Sarah Maas’s Throne of Glass series for a 12 year old?

Ugh. It’s February so I guess I should take down the Christmas tree. Too bad I lack ANY motivation for such a huge task.

Evergreen. Or at least for this season.

Keep thinking about this thread… Also lowkey wish there WERE a logistics fairy…my household for sure needs it

Y’all. I just received this text from home: ‘The children are playing trivial pursuit and [ #LittleGuy] is spelling out the questions to [BookNerd]’ 🥹 #SnowDay

Whoops, inadvertently clued BookNerd (11) in to The Current Horrors when I was looking through my closet calculating how long I can go just wearing black…

Collecting all the sad apples (chopped up in the freezer then the ones on the counter/fridge when critical mass is reached) and making applesauce every month or 2 is my most #MomOfDoc coded trait. My parents’ extreme frugality was NOT passed on to me, but I do try a LITTLE to minimize food waste…

I went to a Stevie Wonder concert once. He’s kind of amazing. Also his song ‘Isn’t She Lovely?’ was playing when BookNerd (then BabyPants) was extracted from my abdomen.

Holy forking shirtballs I may have to delete this app to preserve my sanity.

The seagulls surrounded this cybertruck. They think it’s a dumpster 💀

Apparently I have brought #LittleGuy a Screen Time birthday party… 🤯

What is the Whitehouse press secretary? CORRECT! The board is yours...

I played FENT for 15 points. Seems like an abbreviation to me, but whatevs #WordFeud (while the world burns… 🤷‍♀️)

So…I may have mentioned this before, but I have a S’mores Disorder. Like, I really love them. But what I love more is items that are s’mores flavored…and I feel like I need to try every single one I EVER see. And now I’ve decided that I am going to grade them in a standardized fashion… #smores

On my first clinical day of Med School I was told there is one rule about the pancreas, surgically: Don’t fuck with the pancreas. I extended this advice to eyes in my FamilyMed practice & called it The Pancreas Rule of the Eye. Perhaps it ALSO applies to Minnesota? #DontFuckWithMinnesota

I ate some cheesy bread at 3’in the morning because I have decision-making capacity. (Of questionable QUALITY, obvs)

Umm…so we got Advice Cookies instead of Fortune Cookies?? 🥠🥠

This is absolutely kids’ meal coded. And I would totally order it…just the other day I was wishing I could get just a couple fries (like 1/3 of a serving is perfect) with my burger at Shake Shack. Like a sprinkle or garnish, for the taste.

What is this #cat watching??

This whole thread is heart wrenching and wonderful, but THIS quote: ‘to some folks having to change the shape of your ideas about a person is itself an injury’ I definitely need to think more about this.

F you, #WordFeud.

I just gave my son a sticker for NOT spitting on the floor. #BoyMomLife

I can feel it. 2026 is going to be the year I get my shit together and GET ORGANIZED! (That IS guaranteed when you buy the shelving units and tubs, right??)

Have sizes changed? I wore this sweater I bought 20ish years ago (in a different life, a different body: I was in my 20’s and I wore it to Beto’s sister’s wedding. Yes, that Beto) last night. The size on the label is small. Also, my ‘assignment’ for my Date Night outfit was to make my wife laugh…

My wife assures me that I have completed this puzzle before, but idk, I’m not so sure. It might be too hard for me…

Apparently, I only do #CrossFit on Saturdays now? This is not a good schedule. Also leaving five minutes before the class starts when it’s about 12 to 15 minutes away is not a good plan. AND. I suspect I will be regretting my choice to eat a leftover pizza piece of pizza before class as well.

Wait. What?? How did I miss this? And also, F THAT.

We had such good intentions, of being responsible adults…we even had a simple(ish) #dinner plan, of food that needed to be eaten. But Friday struck again. And the #pizza is on its way. 😕

Holy shit, FOUR medical provider visits AND four people doing Vanderbilt questionnaires and we STILL haven’t secured treatment for our kid’s #ADHD…

full version (only one of the many people already killed by this rogue regime)

I really hate that bluesky doesn’t allow me to save drafts, because apparently now I keep them IN MY BRAIN…