Someday, I will map myself to work and find that I have time to stop and get a treat on the way there. Today is not that day. 🫠

#PoopNews, of a sort

*David Attenborough voice* This is a VERY rare Friday morning sighting of the always-elusive Sink Zero…

Weird Wednesday morning again. Where I am alone in the house after 7AM… I texted my wife earlier that I was trying to decide between helping with chores or going to work early…but now I am laying on the couch. Apparently I have picked the secret third option of being a lazy slob…

Workshopping the marketing of what we call it when we just really don’t care enough to make dinner & it’s every human >10’s job to feed themself… options include: 1. FFY: Fend For Yourself OR Fun, Fun,Yum - depending on how you feel about it 2. DIY-D: kinda obvs, no? 3. Leftover Smorgasbord Ideas?

This is cracking me up so much…my wife is less amused by it. But she never was a huge fan of HIIT and definitely has NOT followed me to #CrossFit.

I skipped the gym this morning because of RAIN… Which basically makes no sense. I drive there in a car, that is capable driving in the rain, and the gym is inside. But also sometimes my decision-making capacity in the 4 o’clock hour is somewhat impaired…

Out of context, this makes almost no sense, but it’s an amazing encapsulation (especially if you scroll up in the thread to check out the hot new Hungarian leader…

It seems we have an ARTIST in the family…

I know people can be big books vs. movie purists, but sometimes the movie/show can be a gateway…Anne of Green Gables on Wonderworks (remember that??) was for me. And now the modern version: BookNerd watched #TheSummerITurnedPretty a while ago and now is devouring the book.

‘What is Comic Sans? Is that the Bad Font?’ -BookNerd so smart

I try to calibrate my eating habits to my exercise: Gym Day Breakfast: banana before and pierogies and double chocolate brioche after Non-gym day #Brunch: 2 egg spinach omelette, avocado and raspberries

BookNerd is recounting how many times she has had #TheWildRobot read aloud to her…apparently EVERY YEAR pre-K to FOURTH GRADE. Yes, she was in four different school systems. And also yes, she still loves that book! 🥹

Apropos of nothing, #LittleGuy just said ‘when you’re done throwupping, it tastes really bad’ #truth

Omg, a ‘short career’?? WHY was his career so short?!!

Hey Voice Recognition Lady… I am literally never talking about Jim… It is always GYM!

#LittleGuy built this ‘hangout tower’ all by himself… And he insists this ‘pillow’ situation is ‘very comfortable’…

I don’t think my patients would realize what a compliment it is if I were to tell them I forgot who they were before I opened the chart/video visit…

#Commute appropriate’Sunrise’ beverage

Coffee as ‘fruit juice’? I’ll take it. Meanwhile, RIP Dannon Coffee Yogurt. 😭 Good enough for an acronym…#RIPDCY

Maybe the reason I feel like my computer ONLY updates when I am running late is because I am ALWAYS running/logging in late… 😬

"what can I do to avoid using chatgpt then?" YOUR BRAIN YOUR BRAIN IT CAME FREE WITH YOUR MEAT SUIT WHEN IT WAS CREATED YOUR. BRAIN.

TACO Tuesday!! 🌮 🤯

Two Egg Breakfast. #HappyEaster!!

And now it’s time for chess. I have LITERALLY no idea what I am doing…

Having an indoor practice #Easter Egg hunt with #LittleGuy…he’s hiding them ‘with his eyes closed’ so it’s a fair competition… 🤣

The horse op-ed is an instant classic. I can't tell you how much joy this piece gives me. It should be taught in every introductory writing class in no small part because the horse arguments are so compelling. "I have noticed that human children get to eat cake. But I am bigger than the children."

Discussing #ContingencyManagement with BookNerd (12), as one does. Her response to my explanation of why people are sometimes opposed to it, as an idea was: ‘Yeah, the human race has A LOT of problems.’ #PreachTween

Sometimes I need a little theme to manage dressing myself for work…this week I am wearing the EXACT SAME pants every day, in different colors. They’re these weird travel pants my mom gave me, so casual that I call them ‘camping pants’ #SoProfesh #LetMeBeYourDoctor (h/t @omnintensivist.bsky.social)

‘Mommy, why do have hairs all over your chin and not just on your mole?’ That’s #menopause, baby!!

Just when I think I might be ready to give up on this book…they WOULD introduce an opioid addict! #ThroneOfGlass

I would like to go paperless on childhood. Omg, SO MUCH PAPER CRAP comes home from kindergarten…

‘Wait, Miley Cyrus was in Hannah Montana?!’ -BookNerd, GenAlpha

Last week the @discontinuedfoods.bsky.social therapist taught us Revenge Bedtime Procrastination…is there a nutritionist on here who can tell us the technical term for eating extra calories because your kid suddenly stops eating food that you’ve already purchased OR to keep them from eating it?

So, here’s a silly question… Do we think Gen Alpha #lesbians have any obligation or desire to listen to the Indigo Girls?

Oh, FFS, NPR. I’m looking at you, Tamara Keith. Now we call RANTS a ‘weave’…?!

I know I’m not supposed to look at retirement accounts, but I just did. Sure would be nice if our government would stop doing willfully ignorant shit to tank the economy… 😒

I guess improvisational is the diplomatic way to say chaotic… Good job, NPR. Way to sane wash our president/his ‘decision-making’

#LittleGuy calls it ‘pokey pins’ when a part of his body ‘goes to sleep’/is waking up (?). I think it’s an accurate description, despite being unable to explain the physiology when asked 😬…

#dogsmakelifebetter #doggos #welovedogs

Hoping for the scent of my neighbor’s Starbucks to provide some placebo effect for my sleepy-ass brain this morning at the kid’s exercise class…

I wish they’d say ‘The Trump Administration’ instead of this phrasing which suggests the man actually does work/has ideas of his own…

This weekend my wife and I learned that there is NO agreed upon terminology for puzzle piece shapes/characteristics…

Happy St. Patrick's Day from the Irish Reunification Landline

I wore this shirt today because it’s a rainy Monday and I wanted something cheerful…turns out I’ve inadvertently created a bit of a March Fool’s Day: at least 3 people have seen me and thought they missed St Patrick’s Day today! 😝 🍀 🌈

Suddenly BookNerd is all into Marvel movies. I don’t understand what it is happening…

Beware the macrolides of March

Omg, the best part about making a human is how a dozen or so years later everything that goes wrong in their life will somehow be your fault!

Happy Pi Day to all who celebrate

It’s not a breakfast sandwich per se. But it’s a sandwich. And I’m eating it, for #breakfast.