Having kids is so fun! Kid requests cantaloupe. I buy cantaloupe. Kid tastes a piece & rejects cantaloupe while I’m cutting it up. Make myself a serving to take to work. Kid sees serving and asks to take it with THEM. Oh, sure, have it. (Shit. Am *I The Giving Tree??*) *No. Absolutely not.

You know how I know the Universe loves me and wants me to be happy? It just put a cookie in my path when I most needed it.

#LittleGuy saw this and offered a different AltText: 1. Bellybutton Guy walks into the ocean 2. He can breathe for a tube 3. He gets to the bottom of the ocean…hey, that’s a swordfish

My scheduled alone time for this weekend is precisely as long as it takes my family to bike downtown to #Pride.

Did I add the spinach salad so my plate would look prettier? Yes, yes I did. However, it meant I had 3 little cherry tomatoes and a handful of spinach with my breakfast, so let’s just not question the motives for #HealthyEating…

Update: I’m kind of getting tired of jeans, but I’m NOT a quitter! (Except I might wear a patriotic dress today…)

Like I think it requires neverending cleaning/tidying in the course of ALL your daily activities…and it seems I am the ONLY one who does this. Obvs the full-grown adult spouse cannot be (re)trained, but maybe there’s hope for the 12 yo??

Guys. I am wearing readers (a Mother’s Day gag gift) for the first time and I think they might be life-changing…but also I think I want bifocals…with like nothing in top and readers on the bottom. Do they make those?

"Lovely, friendly gamesmanship, Knicks!"

TIL that a vet with a Nazi tatt does not get every vet vote in #Maine.

You guys should be grateful for my friend David. Otherwise I might share my #Wordle every day and wax poetic about how #LittleGuy is destroying my strategy on HERE… Wordle 1,816 5/6 ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜🟨🟨⬜⬜ ⬜🟨🟩⬜⬜ ⬜🟨🟩🟩⬜ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

I wanted to save my cookie to be a REWARD for getting my work done. But I seem to have run out of motivation…perhaps a lil treat will help me find the will to go on. 🍪

I have been left home alone (at my own request) to do chores. And ngl, I DO NOT know where tf to start. I also will NEVER learn to take a BEFORE picture so I can appreciate my accomplishments…

I had a plan to go for a run, to a fancy new bread place downtown, this morning. But it’s raining. And holy hell my butt is SORE from #CrossFit yesterday…

Why doesn’t the #LLBean flagship store have some crazy awesome adventure playground?

Q

I guess KYRIARCHY is the word of the day. Never seen it before today and already twice today, before 7AM.

I am curious how well fact-checked the NPR show Code Switch is… Because they just said that this year there have only been THREE refugees admitted to this country that are not white Afrikaners from South Africa… HO – LEE SHIT, if true.

I seem to have made a grave mistake. I gave the DEA my real email address and now they are inviting me to lunch & learns and shit…

Major milestone unlocked!! 🏆 What else will my daughter achieve a decade before me?? (I suspect it will be physical/emotional intelligence-related, since I graduated HS at 16 and basically went straight to med school… 😏)

Yesterday at work it was announced that we are allowed to wear jeans EVERY DAY in June…but ONLY if we are dressed patriotically (🇺🇸). I am SO here for this challenge! #USA250

‘Oh my gosh, why does it feel so early??’ I think as I try to motivate to get dressed for the gym at 4:30… #HellaEarlyExercise (oh, right. 😏)

Some truth right here about #siblings… from #everyday by David Levithan ‘In the long term, I can see how siblings could be helpful in life-someone to share family secrets with, (etc) …But in the short term, siblings are at best a hassle and at worst a terror.’

‘I can start the laundry’ Ok…

What have I done? I live somewhere where it’s still in the 40s at the end of May…? #MEWx

‘I want to send some emojis’ 💩🚽🥷🤣🤣🍔😒👦🥷🟩

I feel like you shouldn’t post ALL THE TIME about your medical treatment without sharing a diagnosis… Yes, this is a subtweet. And also only about half serious. 🫪

There was a time when anything less than a 20-30 minute run seemed like a waste of time. But life/fitness is different now. Also, I am on a team for a #StepChallenge at work and those other ladies are SMOKING me. #runchat -ish

It’s embarrassing, and honestly it’s starting to look like Idiocracy could see the future.

I had a patient today referred to his beer consumption in pounds… I was so confused.

Again, I find myself already in my squeezy clothes and not feeling like going to the gym… 😒

‘Pretty dope for a Pope’ with like a Che Guevara style image of his face would make a cool t-shirt… Take my (our) idea and sell it to raise money for immigrants and trans rights organizations…

This #puzzle fkn sucks!! Why do I feel SO compelled to finish it??

I know I get WAY too much info from social media (Bluesky specifically), but is every damn (bad) thing here b/c of racism??

I decided that buying my children lunch would be cheaper at Trader Joe’s than Whole Foods…so we went in and managed to spend almost $100*. I am clearly very good at math. *to be fair, we did get two bags of groceries. Only half the haul is pictured and less than half of what is pictured was eaten.

@skipbidder.bsky.social Fact check?? Is this total confabulation or is there some math-based cognitive test other than serial 7’s?

Henceforth will begin calling the feeling of being overwhelmed “in wade mode.”

Gym + coffee/Wordle + unload/reload dishwasher + trash/recycling + shower = Hella late

God damn, 4AM is so early. #HellaEarlyExercise

Woot woot! (I’ll be back at #HellaEarlyExercise tomorrow!)

After I went for a run/bike with the kiddos this morning, I spent basically the whole day doing chores, mostly outside. The garage looks great, but I am very tired and sore. I just can’t imagine getting up in the 4’s to go to the gym tomorrow…

Man, the #ChoresADD is ADD’ing HARD today

I skipped the gym this morning for this… 🥰🧩☀️

Have a scroll. You won’t regret it.

Errors: 1. Wrong color. 2. Not purchased in a second-hand store.

I have been informed there is a band called Post Sex Nachos.

So…is ‘stinking thinking’ a phrase outside of #12Step circles?…because I just heard it on my kid’s TV show. #Sonic

Apparently my wife is listening to a LIVE podcast and texted me: ‘Serena Williams on the Michelle Obama pod talking about how she takes prednisone for sleep??’ Ruh-Roh. That seems BAD. @badmedicaltakes.bsky.social

I just thought about this quote, but with a decidedly more negative spin…yes, I was listening to the Idiot POTUS talking.

so much depends bigly on a beautiful ball- room attached to the shit- house with gold on the walls