That insane bus thread ended up on national news and "live skeeted" is the official term used

when I say the smaller and more clever the better (no seriously click through, the process is documented with all the batty glory of some nerd’s kickass hyperfixation apple.news/AJFw_gLreSxq...

This is the funniest thing that's ever happened on Threads.

Fondly remembering how when I was 3 I excitedly woke my parents up for Christmas @ 2 am, so then there had to be RULES for Christmas morning. 1: no touching gifts until parents arrive. 2: you may look at stockings, but not get them down or eat any candy until parents arrive. 1/?

MY 4-YEAR OLD: *calmly, while coloring a picture of the Grinch* If baby grinches die, we can eat them. If they’re clean. That’s ok

I may be weirdly petty, but I volunteered to make the mascot image for a corporate team competition event purely because I didn't want someone else using AI to do it. BLITZEN'S VIXENS will do just fine with some Clipart & ms paint, thank you.

Had to replace my car battery for the forst time in a decade, damn those have gotten expensive! Was able to zip out to Costco after work, swap the battery in the parking lot, & immediately turn in the old one. Also, good job 4-years-ago-me for buying a cheap metric socket set i almost never need!

Just finished the Predator marathon my wife wanted to do. The vast majority were solid action movies with good to great writing & cinematography! Predator 2 is... aggressively 90's. AVP Requiem is a huge turd. Unfocused, shot so dark & edited so badly you can't SEE what's happening half the time.

Fucking hell. 10 inches of snow, and half of it is the wet, dense stuff. It's taken me an hour to do about a quarter of the total shoveling I have to do. Admittedly, I've hit the most difficult 100 sq ft (there's a part of my driveway where there's nowhere to PUT the stuff), so it gets easier.

Solidarity with your fellow workers! Don't buy anything from Starbucks.

We were gifted a used litter robot 3 about 1.5 years ago. Despite a recurring bonnet error problem & some mystery litter leakage, it was still a huge improvement from multiple standard boxes. Since I got a modest windfall, we just upgraded to a 4. I'm immediately impressed with how quiet it is.

Wife didn't latch the front door so our cat Goblin escaped. We ran around the block hoping he hadn't gone far because it'd been less than an hour- no dice. So i settled on the porch to keep an eye out during my lunch. Lo & behold, 10 mins later I hear the dog 3 doors down going nuts. 1/

"Kaegan, you can't do this right now, there are demons." This fantastic sentance brought to you my wife trying play Diablo 4, but Kaegan keeps rubbing her face on the controller and firing off random abilities.

Ancient Congressman: so it said, "notices, bulges, oh double-u oh-" Patel: sir, it was actually "notices bulge, oh-woh" AC: what's an oh-woh? P: it's a face, sir AC: a face? P: the Os are wide eyes AC: why is the mouth a W? P: I believe it's a dog, sir, or maybe a cat AC: and the bulge?

There's a 127 yr old Dutch bakery almost an hour away from me. Since I was little, my family would go once a year to acquire an excessive amount of glorious almond pastries to enjoy over a few days. Once us kids moved out, it was really hard to coordinate this trip- a new tradition was needed. 1/

Mmmmmmm! Homemade margaritas with fresh lime and cointreau, just because it sounded good. I do not deserve my beautiful, talented wife. I'm so spoiled!

Deliriously bad AI slop restaurant site, but OP's alt-text alone is worth a glance.

"Here is Chicken Jockey from Minnesota!" Goddamn this is joyous.

My DM wife requested i stat up some kobold mobsters and a rampaging slot machine encounter for D&D tomorrow. Think I hit a good balance of buff/debuff randomness that won't be a headache to run! She might not like that spinning the slots are a free object action, but the debuffs offset action econ.

My wife was excitedly harvesting the first big round of garden tomatoes this morning, carefully placing them at the edge of the raised bed behind her. Only to turn around and discover that Phineas had already helped himself to the biggest, prettiest Purple Cherokee.

I love my neighborhood so much sometimes. Yesterday I was on my porch when a pack of six 7-10 year-olds lead by a girl with a snow shovel stop in front on my yard. Leader: Hey mister! Me: Hey, kids, what's up? Leader: Can we pick up trash in your yard for a few hours? 1/?

A couple adolescent raccoons visited while I was on the porch tonight. Probably only about 16in long nose-to-tail. The other one was way more adept at dodging my camera.

Cleaned my keyboard tonight! While it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be after 10 years, I have no clue what I eat that creates such vibrantly orange crumbs.

I've been workshopping a Sisyphus joke too, but it's an uphill battle.

This is the most pissbaby shit I have seen in a minute. This album wasn't my fave thing Beyonce's ever done, but it was more interesting than anything mainstream bro country has done for 23 years.

*watching Maverick with my wife* Me: You know, Gibson reminds me of when I first grew out longer sideburns. Her: At least his are even. Me: *shocked pearl clutching* Pain! I am wounded! Her: *cackling*

I think the MAHA right rejects the fact pregnancy is a high risk condition for 3 reasons: -it undermines eugenics & the idea that health problems are moral failings -it supports that birth control & abortion are healthcare -it makes the cruelty of forced birth more obvious

Fuck I can't get comfortable to sleep. Left butt cheek, right knee, and (surprise latecomer) right ankle are all pissed from the stairs incident.

Slipped going down the last couple stairs in my house. Probably jammed knee and definitely bruised ass cheek. Just when my arm was finally healing from shoveling, dammit.

When I teach kids classes I sometimes get parents who ask if I also teach chivalry and knightly behaviour. That's when I whip out the instructions on how to rob a peasant.

Ok, it may not look like it, but this is a big deal. Kaegan (tuxedo) is elderly, has always been anxious, & averse to climbing anything taller than 3ft. Goblin (void) is very dominant & territorial. So them snuggled together on the 5ft high cat shelves above my desk is a minor miracle.

Is... is this a threat?

Spotted on Google Maps, from a folkloric perspective this seems unwise…

Remembered I have absinthe, so i louched a couple glasses tonight. I'm still nursing a tennis elbow injury from shoveling many tons of dirt a couple weeks ago, and i have to sink some posts for trellises in the AM, so I deserve a treat before bed.

There's simply no ethical way to support Harry Potter in 2025. It's not possible. $0.20 from every dollar you give JK Rowling goes directly to physically harming a trans person and that's not a joke or an exaggeration.

Whew. My wife has big garden ambitions this year, so 12 cubic yards of dirt was delivered this morning. 3 great friends (1 of which brought 2 family members) kicked ass helping me get about 10 yards into the main beds in 2 hours. I then spent 4 more hours filling up the planters. 1 yard left. TIRED.

BREAKING: U.S. and Canada video game worker are launching an industry-wide union with the Communications Workers of America. The @cwaunion.bsky.social, the American Federation of Musicians, and workers everywhere are creating this major new organization to build power across the industry.

Got my mom home from her surgery & she's slowly on the mend, but now we find out our dog has a hernia. It's probably because he didn't heal right from last year's surgery for eating 13 tampons. *sigh* So we get to do doggie surgery next week followed by cone-induced depression. I want less "fun".

One of mine & my wife's is "for women" branded or pink products don't work in absurd ways for me because I'm a man. Shampoo won't come out of the bottle, gloves will fly off my hands, etc. It's a running callback to a joke she made years ago, but it's still hilarious.

So I'm accompanying my mom to a surgery out of state, where we'll be for about a week. Was prepped, packed, jammed out on time... & 2.5 hours of a 3.5 hour drive later I realize I left my wallet at home. Thankfully my wife could drive to meet us halfway, but I'm so irritated with myself.

Whew, snow didn't stop until 11pm. Almost 7 inches, but thankfully fluffy stuff so I got alllll my shoveling done in 2 hours. Been a while since I had this many sweatcicles in my hair. This hot shower is going to be glorious.

My wife is dealing with a petty tyrant in her project group at work, which is not unique. What IS different is the tyrant talks like a Sesame Street cast member and is obsessed with color-coding things, so the the vibe is very Malevolent Kindergarten Teacher.

I'm no anime connoisseur, but "feel the wind on the nipples of your heart" is the funniest line I've encountered yet.

Very informative thread.

This is awesome. From a custom knife forging shop in Edom, Texas.

These are spectacular!

A heads-up for any of you still on FB. I've been sending this to several of my friends there, but it reaches more people to share it here, I think. Take it from someone who works there, FB is *not* safe. Here's a link to their post: misskey.de/notes/a3ax4t...

I want a new padlock for my shed, anyone have any recommendations? Would need to handle all 4 seasons, but no salt water. Doesn't need to be fort knox, but would like something that won't open with a whack or can be pickedmby a 5 yr old with a paperclip.

Got a big prefab L-shaped bookcase for Christmas & had vacation time, so I've been organizing & lightly decorating my office the last few days. Feels good to finally be conquering the cardboard box stacks. Why yes, we moved in 6.5 yrs ago & I've WFH in this office for 5 yrs- why do you ask?

Spent 12 hours on my feet today building some shelves in a very strangely shaped part of my house. I can see the small flaws, but they are up and sturdy. Pretty satisfied with myself, but very sore.