I stayed up half the night writing misery-porn porn-porn hentai manga Metamorphosis fanfic about how she turns her life around, gets an office manager job, and raises her sweet daughter with endless love and support because I believe that hope exists everywhere including in groady manga porn

Wow! Lying in bed in the dark in the thick of a depression while listening to Pink Floyd is almost like being drunk! Almost!

I want to buy a Chinese butcher knife to use for cooking and absolutely not for revenge against those who have sinned against my elders. Luckily for me, it's green onions who sinned against my elders. And their IBS.

Everyone is asking this question too, right? Why does Sonic drive a car in Sonic Racing: CrossWorlds? Is he being condescending like "I'll give you losers a handicap by driving this CAR"? Or maybe he just likes cars?

If I ignore the dead plants on my windowsill, they just go away, right?

In the animated Street Fighter II movie, you see Chun-Li's boobs. I am extremely conflicted about this. Like you know Mickey Mouse takes off his pants sometimes. You just... never picture it.

At some point in this book series, I have to stop saying aloud "Shut up, Nesta." I have to. Right? Cause if I don't then either I'm wrong or the world is.

Oh fuck, you guys, Gohan doing the Special Beam Cannon still gives me the chills

I'm not great with a trackpad because my fingers are always slightly moist from eating banana bread

Ne Zha? More like No Duh! It was great. See Ne Zha 2 in theaters so they'll be forced to rerelease the first one, please

I am listening to Malala's audiobook while playing violent video games for maximum cognitive dissonance

I raise my own blood pressure every day by having imaginary arguments with fictional people who either like or dislike Superman for the wrong reasons

The older I get, the more dissatisfied I am with poor writing in video game anime dating sims.

I remember disliking Tinder because it reminded me of picking the rude dialogue options in video games. I feel bad for hurting the feelings of digital beings.

Wait, Omega mutant Psi-Lord Powerhouse Franklin Richards has never met The Maker????

My struggle is not attaching "No worries if not" to literally every request I make

The opening of Money For Nothing by Dire Straits is the only good alarm clock song

Do Milly Alcock superfans call themselves Alcockholics?

I'm creating a new super hero named Come On Man, but I can't decide if his power is: Encouraging others to do a thing Reproaching others for a perceived failure A third, vulgar thing

I host a podcast where famous people talk about sedate things while you go to sleep. This week, Janet Varney tells us that if a skunk runs out of sleep juice, it will pound on the ground with both paws and make a "puh!" sound. Sweet dreams.

I had a nightmare where one of our most beloved actors died but I will not name said actor lest I jinx it and they die in a plane crash. Though this actor has been known to survive those... FORGET I SAID THAT IT WAS SCOTT BAIO HA HA THAT'S RIGHT

I am realizing that the attractive women who flirted with me across my life were probably serious and not secretly making fun of me. A girl in 7th grade did this to me once in 1999 and I have never recovered. Unless she was serious too. Poop.

Your friendly reminder that the best companion in all of video games, Veronica from Fallout New Vegas, was voiced by GOAT @felicia.day

I think a good cultural barometer is asking someone, "What is Elvis singing about in Hound Dog and why?"

Is it still virtue signaling if I'm fucking furious and it earns me more enmity than friends?

Have you ever spent so much time posing for a selfie that your phone goes to sleep from inaction?

Now arriving at Maximum Fun: E PLURIBUS MOTTO season two! Join Janet Varney and @hodgman.bsky.social as they investigate the state flag, state song, and state spirit of America's Maryland: Maryland!

You know, nobody ever questions my bona fides when I wear my Olivia Rodrigo t-shirt. Women who love music and are quizzed constantly for their shirts: You can take it out on me. I will eat the sin

My neighbors know when I'm playing Red Dead 2 by my orgasmic moans of "Oh my God, it's soooooo slowww"

I am weirdly offended when someone makes the assumption that I'm a "Lord of the Rings guy"

I hate it when I hear a song I like and it turns out to be Muse

It's okay, I woke up angry today instead of despondent

I don't know why, but I'm pretty sure that wherever you are, Fergie is proud of you.

I host a program where famous people talk about less than fascinating things until you pass out. This week, SADIE DOYLE herself, Paget Brewster. She makes bone broth sound alluringly conspiratorial. cc @pftompkins.bsky.social @bnacker.bsky.social @benblacker.bsky.social

Stupid current events forcing me to make PHONE CALLS Use the 5 Calls app to make some noise #5Calls

I don't have the language to explain why Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer is so funny And neither do you. Let miracles exist

It's been two years of employee ownership as of yesterday, so happy belated co-op-iversary to us! Thanks to Project Equity, to Jesse, and to every MaxFun worker-owner past, present, and future -- and thanks as always to our Maximum Fun members, without whom none of this would be anything at all.

Em Dash is my favorite grammar-focused young adventure hero, second only to her dry and distinguished Brit uncle Oxford Comma

I'm tired now and want to go to bed but that would mess up my sleep schedule but then if I get up to do something and amuse myself, I won't be as tired when it's bedtime

I ache for a Cost Plus World Market to be near me (the Grove is too far)

Fortunato (coughing): You’re certain the Criterion Closet is down here Montresor (picking up a trowel): Definitely. Have you thought about your picks yet

Adages and advice, if effective at all, only apply to the neurotypicals. "The squeaky wheel gets the grease?" Buddy, my cart is missing three wheels and is upside down in a creek

Bring your new-week energy to your podcast playlist: TV Chef Fantasy league is cooking up a new cycle with Masterchef: Dynamic Duos…

I got a perfect score on my PHQ 9 test! That's good, right? ...Right?

I can't see Tom Brady's face on the television and not go, "(annoyed and exasperated but not without fondness)Tom."

Do you ever just like have a craving for gravy?

Every time I restart an RPG, I plan on romancing a new party member, but I can't help but go for the same badass brunettes I fell for the first playthrough. All that's to say that I love Ann Takamaki only as a friend.

I love to push a button and receive a pellet. A delicious treat for me? Might as well push it again. If it gives me a small electric shock once in a while, well, that's just the cost of doing business

Die Antwoord stays alive in my heart by constantly singing their songs to my dog