Bad news for Travis Hunter and Abdul Carter: tariffs on the #NFL draft are shaking up how prospects are valued. Red Zone and Sunday Ticket prices going up $10/mo as a result. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/tariffs-on-nfl-draft-prospects-spells-disaster/

#Kings GM Scott Perry is playing chess, too bad this is basketball. How Sacramento will rebuild in 2026 by first destroying everything. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/kings-gm-scott-perry-is-playing-chess-too-bad-this-is-basketball-how-the-kings-will-rebuild-in-2026/

Adrian Wojnarowski launches WOJ coin cryptocurrency. Value spikes every time he tweets a Woj Bomb. LeBron has already invested $2M. #NBA https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/adrian-wojnarowski-launches-new-cryptocurrency-woj-coin/

Lisa Vittozzi Crowned Italy’s First Gold Medal Snow Assassin in the Winter #Olympics. Bang. Bang bang bang. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/lisa-vittozzi-crowned-italy-s-first-gold-medal-snow-assassin/

Enes Kanter Freedom made a controversial move in the #NBA: having a spine. His social credit in China has dropped to 0. LeBron was too busy crying over his Alibaba stocks to comment. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/enes-kanters-social-credit-drops-to-0-in-china/

I have H5N1 at Dave and Busters wearing my Jordan 12s. Is this my flu game? I'm down $300 on the claw machine. My wife is crying. #NBA https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/i-have-h5n1-at-dave-and-busters-wearing-my-jordan-12s-is-this-my-flu-game/

7 more children become orphans after #Giants beat the #Dodgers. When will it stop? https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/baseball/7-children-become-orphans-after-giants-win-at-la/

#InvestigateTheNFL. This is officially #RefGate. The #NFL is more scripted than Soviet elections. Stalin would be proud. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/investigatethenfl-this-is-officially-ref-gate-the-nfl-is-preplanned-to-a-degree-that-the-soviet-union-could-only-dream-of/

RUMOR CONFIRMED: The Lombardi Trophy is a replica of Vince Lombardi's genitals. We dug through the #Packers archives to investigate. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/rumor-confirmed-lombardi-trophy-a-replica-of-vince-lombardis-genitals/

Undefeated fighter Terence Crawford pivots to public speaking post retirement. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/combat/breaking-terence-crawford-will-focus-less-on-boxing-more-on-toastmasters/

REPORT: The #Kings are waiving their entire roster and moving to 10-day contracts only. This includes coaches. Longevity is not the play. #NBA https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/report-kings-to-waive-entire-roster-moving-to-10-day-contracts-includes-coaches/

BREAKING: Phoenix #Suns player Devin Booker has ringworm. And its BAD. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/devin-booker-refuses-to-acknowledge-his-serious-case-of-ringworm/

Trump wins Peace Prize from well-established peace organization: #FIFA. They started accepting bribes immediately after Nobel founded them. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/trump-wins-peace-prize-from-well-established-peace-prize-giving-establishment-fifa/

BREAKING: Kyrie Irving abandons Flat Earth theory in favor of Cube Earth. 'That would explain how China is underneath us!' #NBA https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/kyrie-irving-abandons-flat-earth-theory/

They're bringing back SoBe Tea! Just kidding, no one likes that horse piss. AriZona supremacy. We will not rest until Shaq Soda returns. #BringBackSodaShaq https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/theyre-bringing-back-sobe-tea-just-kidding-noone-likes-that-horse-piss-arizona-supremacy/

President Donald Trump announces that he has won the NFC East. Will he go all the way this #NFL season? https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/donald-trump-announces-that-he-has-won-the-nfc-east/

#F1 vs #FIFA: Who is more corrupt? One robs you and laughs. The other robs you and calls it 'a new era of racing.' We investigate. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/formula-1-vs-fifa-who-is-more-corrupt-or-are-we-just-paying-for-billionaire-fanfiction-in-hd/

Man Shocked After Finding #NFL Kicker Justin Tucker Under His Christmas Tree. You’ve heard of elf on a shelf, what about Tucker on a ______ https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/man-shocked-after-finding-justin-tucker-under-his-christmas-tree/

Tesla Considering NASCAR Entry. Elon wants to go fast. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/racing/telsa-nascar-tweet/

An Empirical Study of Lightpole Lubricant in Philadelphia. Grease them poles to save some lives, #Eagles fans are like squirrel, they have an instinct to climb. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/phillies-superbowl/

Top 5 #NBA players most likely to enlist to fight in Ukraine. (You'll definitely guess #1) https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/top-5-nba-players-most-likely-to-enlist-to-fight-in-ukraine/

Tesla Considering NASCAR Entry. Elon wants to go fast. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/racing/telsa-nascar-tweet/

BREAKING: The #NFL and #NBA to classify essential oils as PEDs. Lavender for healing, eucalyptus for visions, chamomile for gains. Our mothers were right all along. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/the-nfl-and-nba-to-classify-essential-oils-as-performance-enhancing-drugs-peds/

The #KentuckyDerby or an #NFL Jerk Circle: The Fastest Two Minutes in Sports. I have money on both. It feels like I'm Hunter S. Thompson writing about San Juan cock-fighting. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/the-kentucky-derby-or-an-nfl-jerk-circle-the-fastest-two-minutes-in-sports/

Which #NFL players are most likely to be the next Unibomber? We analyzed schooling, upbringing, and hobbies. This is empirical science. You won't guess number 1. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/top-5-nfl-players-who-could-be-the-next-unibomber/

Well it took YEARS in the making but the Dallas #Mavericks and the United States of America might collapse in the same week. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/unexpected-collapses-of-the-week-the-mavericks-and-the-usa/

Houston strip club owners petition the #Rockets to keep James Harden. 'The damage to the local economy could be devastating.' #NBA https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/local-strip-clubs-houston-rockets/

BREAKING: #Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes announces retirement...from his Super Bowl streak. The tears? That's just the ACL. #NFL https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/patrick-mahomes-announces-retirement/

Which #NFL players are most likely to be the next Unibomber? We analyzed schooling, upbringing, and hobbies. This is empirical science. You won't guess number 1. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/top-5-nfl-players-who-could-be-the-next-unibomber/

Man Shocked After Finding #NFL Kicker Justin Tucker Under His Christmas Tree. You’ve heard of elf on a shelf, what about Tucker on a ______ https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/man-shocked-after-finding-justin-tucker-under-his-christmas-tree/

The #KentuckyDerby or an #NFL Jerk Circle: The Fastest Two Minutes in Sports. I have money on both. It feels like I'm Hunter S. Thompson writing about San Juan cock-fighting. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/the-kentucky-derby-or-an-nfl-jerk-circle-the-fastest-two-minutes-in-sports/

Top 5 #NBA players most likely to enlist to fight in Ukraine. (You'll definitely guess #1) https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/top-5-nba-players-most-likely-to-enlist-to-fight-in-ukraine/

BREAKING: #Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes announces retirement...from his Super Bowl streak. The tears? That's just the ACL. #NFL https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/patrick-mahomes-announces-retirement/

5th Quarter Sports suddenly barred From white house press briefings. Our reporting was the only thing connecting the White House to the world of Sports Entertainment. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/5thquartersports-suddenly-barred-from-white-house-press-briefings/

What finishing last place in fantasy football for 10 years has taught me about #B2B sales. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/i-finished-last-in-fantasy-football-what-it-taught-me-about-b2b-sales/

#76ers star Joel Embiid fined $50K for whispering "6-7" during the Knicks game. He then flossed and teabagged Lucky the Leprechaun. #NBA https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/76ers-star-embiid-fined-50k-for-dropping-the-6-7/

BREAKING: #Clippers player Ben Simmons to become moderator of the /r/antiwork subreddit. We support his evangelization of the #antiwork movement. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/breaking-ben-simmons-to-join-r-antiwork-moderation-staff/

Dear Coach Riggle: Can riding a horse break your Heisman? Our local high school #football coach answers your pressing questions. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/dear-coach-riggle-we-need-you/

The Supreme Court on Friday upheld a congressional ban on #MLB pitcher Joey Lucchesi’s trademark throw, a unique changeup curveball that he calls a “churve.” https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/baseball/supreme-court-upholds-ban-on-joey-lucchesi-s-weird-churve-pitch/

The #Commanders have officially chosen a new name: the Washington January 6ers. Also on the chopping block: the Insurrectionists. Too hard to spell. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/breaking-washington-redskins-to-change-name-to-washington-january-6ers/

#76ers star Joel Embiid fined $50K for whispering "6-7" during the Knicks game. He then flossed and teabagged Lucky the Leprechaun. #NBA https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/76ers-star-embiid-fined-50k-for-dropping-the-6-7/

#F1 vs #FIFA: Who is more corrupt? One robs you and laughs. The other robs you and calls it 'a new era of racing.' We investigate. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/formula-1-vs-fifa-who-is-more-corrupt-or-are-we-just-paying-for-billionaire-fanfiction-in-hd/

BREAKING: The #NFL has officially made it legal for refs to accept bribes. Roger Goodell finally removes the wool from our eyes. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/the-nfl-officially-allows-refs-to-accept-bribes/

Philadelphia #Eagles Announce New Reality Series Airing on Bravo! This Fall. Its like Judge Judy with blackout drunks in their in-stadium jail. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/eagles-reality-show/

Philadelphia #Eagles Announce New Reality Series Airing on Bravo! This Fall. Its like Judge Judy with blackout drunks in their in-stadium jail. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/eagles-reality-show/

BREAKING: A new optimal #SportsBetting strategy has been discovered. Start "Star Sign Maxxing" next #NFL season. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/start-star-sign-maxxing-your-nfl-bets-next-season/

#Bengals QB Joe Burrow was forced to come out as heterosexual after a break-in revealed he has a girlfriend. He's reportedly "deeply troubled" about losing his mysterious, metrosexual vibe. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/football/joe-burrow-forced-to-come-out-as-heterosexual/

#DraftKings announces partnership with my Grandma. She's parlayed my inheritance away. The same-game-parlay is the modern day black plague. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/misc/draftkings-announces-partnership-with-my-grandma-shes-parlayed-my-inheritance-away/

#Timberwolves star Anthony Edwards should just go for it and tell his children he loves them. Small children have no idea when you're lying to them. #NBA https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/basketball/anthony-edwards-should-just-go-for-it-and-tell-his-children-he-loves-them/

An UNBIASED ranking of all 30 #MLB stadiums by someone who has been to all of them. Spoiler: Oakland is last. Fenway is first. Fight me. https://www.5thquartersports.com/article/baseball/title-an-unbiased-ranking-of-all-30-mlb-stadiums/