if i don't open your email or text, you didn't send it. that's just math

I know parents who are thrilled when their kids grow up and move away. I KNOW these parents, but I will never understand them.

All of the white republicans who claim not to be racist and live in freshly gerrymandered districts could do the funniest thing right now

the gardening/seed planting internet has convinced me that plants cannot/do not occur in the wild. huge if true.

I was accused of running my lab like an echo chamber and I am *livid* that someone imagines I wouldn't put up sound deadening panels and bass traps in my chamber.

if you're very careful and keep your head down at my university, you can stealthily pursue its core mission to educate people

There is no clearer case for the necessity of Section 2 of the Voting Rights Act of 1965 than how quickly southern states moved to eliminate Black-majority districts and dilute Black power after SCOTUS eroded Section 2. SCOTUS’s reasoning was immediately disproven by reality.

my kid is salutatorian of her graduating class which is wild because I was ranked second too! but in my case it was from the bottom

Wild that the white racists in the US who chose to fill our swimming pools with concrete rather than share water with Black bodies would choose to convert our Republic to a dictatorship rather than share representation with Black minds.

he isn't sure why i finally put down the laptop so he could take over my entire abdomen with no competition, but he approves

the maintenance really was scheduled, just not by canvas

I would like the Internet to know that my bf made this joke three solid hours before jerry but I didn't skeet it because it was too obvious, classic jerry

this morning a licensed, phd-holding, audiologist told my daughter that with her hearing she, "might have difficulty hearing the little pauses between words or the longer spaces between sentences” and she side-eyed me. 🐦🐦

Ann Arbor/Ypsilanti/Barton Hills

Anyone willing to try an online experiment for one of my students? She’s investigating listeners’ ability to discern a real human voice from a deep fake synthetic voice: 🧠💬 uky.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_...

Deadline 31 May: Postdoc, perceptual inference in the auditory system w/ A. Tabas, Basque Center on Cog. Brain + Lang. www.bcbl.eu/en/join-us/j...

I can't imagine the horror my son lives with, being the only person in a 4 person household who can actually see in the shower.

Jupiter is looking especially lovely tonight, but I can't ignore that he could have hoovered up the entire inner solar system billions of years ago and saved us all a lot of trouble

A university with free tuition, a very low faculty: student ratio, and no professional administrators

snack pack.

bluesky progressives are never more than one kentucky news story away from some of the most vile, regressive, classist bullshit you can imagine

This is why I've taught my son that any sentence that needs to start with "actually" or "well actually" is almost certainly an inside sentence that doesn't need to become an outside sentence.

listen hun if you can't handle the Washington Post editorial board at their the Texas gerrymander "freakout" is "not a threat to democracy" you don't deserve them at their "Virginia plunges America deeper into the gerrymandering abyss"

Starting a mid-decade redistricting war only to end up with -1 seats is the same fine strategic genius and subtle grasp of game theory that brough us the Strait of Hormuz.

i'm genuinely allergic to beef, but that's just an elaborate, autoimmune cover story for my empathy-based vegetarianism.

i would believe you if you told me this is jd vance negotiating a peace deal

my family turned down ranch dressing (for our pizza!?!) a little too enthusiastically and were briefly worried the authorities might be called

I wonder if Grice was like, "I hope this section on the maxim of quantity isn't too long."

every urinal in kentucky has zyns in it. the average zyns user might not be an awesome guy

we need to somehow get the name "graven images" to catch on as the trendy name for ai slop

my favorite new poem in a WHILE:

laurence of arabium

the ‘it’ in “it will happen someday” not needing an explicit antecedent in the discourse is going to be pretty fun to talk about in linguistics class on Monday morning.

One of my favorite “history fun facts” I often share in class is that Notre Dame is called “the fighting Irish” because in 1924, UND students beat the shit out of a local Klan that tried to harass them for being Catholic. stories.nd.edu/stories/a-cl...

imagine, if you will, the dumbest 95 Theses possible

i have a speech perception joke but it exists entirely in your own subjective experience of reality

imagine being such an incompetent researcher that you think an llm can write your literature review

I wish WF Ganong’s last name was, like, Thuck

this state of the union is like an eclipse: you should never look directly at it

did not anticipate the usa men's hockey team pulling a whole flock of milkshake ducks

The Wizard of Foz

i once had the honor of bringing room service to jesse jackson when he stayed in my mom's hotel in manchester, nh. the man exuded kindness and intellect; an amazing human being (and he tipped well).

post a banger that isn't in English youtu.be/gLlUXlE5ULc?...

trying to finish up come grading in canvas before class tomorrow and all it will show me is red text saying, “something broke” and I’m like, ‘get in line, buddy. I’ve been broken for weeks."

No joke: I got angry hate mail today for writing an obituary of a Black woman scientist—because the person felt she did didn’t deserve the recognition. Which just makes me want to share it again: www.nature.com/articles/d41...

kinda surreal to see colleagues who've embraced lockdown browsers and made students turn on their webcams during tests complain about the erosion of privacy and encroaching facism.

the embarrassment of learning you were wrong is directly proportional to what an asshole you were when you believed you were right.

I have no access at all to rushes today and my own mother was Breda. 🤷🏻‍♂️😢

if they say something and you say that's not true, your response is still shaped like their frame Your frame has to *contain and explain* their frame, not just contradict it. You have to eat their frame. Like Kirby