They spelled Epstein Files wrong

The movie R.I.P.D. is much worse than Men In Black because it implies that the afterlife fictions like a carceral prison world. MIB posited the universe is organized by a coalition of aliens who designated Earth as a safe zone for refugees from other planets. In this essay I will

I can’t stop thinking about this movie.

City Elf

I saw a stylist suggest wearing oversized shirts off the shoulder. So many women complimented my outfit yesterday which tells me I’m doing it right.

STATEMENT FROM TYLENOL

Well I tipsy-posted on main and this happened.

Cal raleigh is 6’3” MUCH TO MY CHAGRIN. Send him back: too tall.

Queer visibility didn’t get us far but here are my lafufus anyway:

My duo partners to me: Me to my clients:

LA I will be in town Sept 23-26!! Get in touch to book something <3!!

This picture tastes like squash

A reminder that I love my autistic family/friends and that they don’t have to do so to deserve love but add so much to my life and the lives of their communities.

I downloaded threads and it’s like if Bluesky didn’t cosplay as academics/journalists. Unless of course they are actually academics and journalists at which point, fine I will subscribe to your newsletter. 🫣 Threads is very conspiracy theory heavy which can be a fun way to look at *all this*.

let’s start calling sweatpants, pajama pants, and any other non-constricting soft pants “boneless pants”

Really good book alert. It is about the histories of different colors told in about two novel length pages. Pick a color and I’ll give you a brief synopsis!

All of us with big followings at the other place who left when fascists took over and started using the site to foment a culture of l death targeting our loved ones/us: 😂😂😂

Do evangelicals all yell at each other and get drunk like the reality tv dating people? The reality tv people are the closest example I’ve seen in my adult life to that faction. What do they do for fun? They look so boring.

There are lots of social media regulations that should be implemented before age restrictions are even in the room much less on the table

Aspiring squires may inquire below. Tell me your coat of arms and maybe you’re hired. Wolffeyes.com has the form you can fill out to apply.

PUT A POWER BUTTON ON THE TV

Re the rollback of women’s rights: I read endless comments that say, “the handmaidens tale” and then nothing else. Is that where you all stop? It’s sort of said in a way that is almost like a chant or incantation at this point. Get creative & get free. This is not a TV show, this is your life.

The fact that I like things based on things Neil Gaiman has written but not his books *just makes sense* now.

This makes me giggle so maybe it makes you giggle too. What is something you don’t need to buy and so don’t buy but you would like to have?

Content labels are like halos that all the Bluesky angels get when the algo gets turned on.

Can someone charming go stand outside of a Mariners game with a massive sign that has flames and affirmations while talking into a loudspeaker giving Sunscreen Song levels of solid advice to passersby? I think it would shift The Vibe .1 degree and we need it.

This. This this this this this. Build your shit. Own your shit. It's the only way forward. Nobody there but you.

I think the coolest thing you can do right now is live with integrity and care about the people around you, not just your friends and family but your community. Deny the lie they want you to believe, that taking as much as you can while giving nothing back is the goal.

Ways to build moral: -Download signal and joke with close friends. -Join a cover band for Halloween that makes people want to scream the rebellious lyrics at the top of their lungs. -Find that thing about you that helps people feel less alone and do that thing. Other ideas?

Me and that one client I had for three years before he mentioned his name in reference to a story he was telling. It was back when I screened using verified reviews on a website so first names weren’t necessarily part of the screening process. 😸

December 2024 turned out to be a great time in history to leave twitter.

If I am anything I am a Christmas bitch:

Is that one awful review site finally down? 🥹

part of it is pure shame and embarrassment to be seen treating a sex worker like any other small business or influencer online with loud support and the other part is people wanting to keep us economically precarious so our work will be cheap to survive

No question: G

I think making the calls that ensure we have a good chance of experiencing moments of dignity, belonging & safety are the way through this time in history. That’s going to differ greatly from person to person & group to group. Lament the loss then do the things that build that for you & yours.

Peeking 🫣 Photo by @ilsensual.bsky.social

Logic in America 2025- One kind of window smashing is very bad: empty banks. One kind of window smashing is good: terrorizing families.

Identifying with a slogan that denigrates being awake says a lot about the individuals drawn to the symbolism of staying asleep.

Wouldn’t stick my neck out if better things were not in reach

Happy birthday to me! If you want to send me cash $crystalmetrics I’ll be distributing all of it to Lavender Rights Project, Northwest Justice Project, and beloved trans community members of mine directly. 🎉🥳

A day to remember!

They’re now banning “fantasy” so basically no dreaming allowed!

Bay Area inquiries are starting to come in! Remember, my time is limited and will soon be spoken for, so reach out soon if you want some of it. Make sure you've read my website & FAQ before submitting your form. Sept 24-27 salemthesadist [dot ] com

People falling in love with ChatGPT is the modern day equivalent of Narcissus falling in love with his reflection and drowning himself.

You can save this post as of today 🥰

Somehow hit 50k today and so I thought I'd share some advice for growing a large social media following, which is to not do that

“The jeans stay on”

Me and a client were inspired by the dill pickle puff chit chat on this app so we’re doing a taste test and paired it with champagne. More to come…