Had a dream that there was global panic about the world running out of oxygen, Nintendo was the only video game company to make a statement about it, and the internet collectively spent its final hours on Earth debating whether Nintendo was being genuine or not

(quickly slipping a "Vote Blue No Matter Who" sticker into my wallet as it's being stolen from me for the hundredth time, and smiling serenely)

been saving money recently by not eating very much food

Why is it called dendle floss..

gentle reminder that this is NOT a spoon friendly account ☝️

keep thinking about something called chimp brûlée

I dreamt of a jaguar!!!!

hey bozo, you're going to have to postdate your checks so your ass can sign them from next week after i kick it to there!!!

yup. not a problem. would probably get bored actually, due to how easily I could resist it

Happy 27th birthday to everything I fundamentally believe in 🙌

if Edea from FF VIII was our current evil dictator instead, I would be republican 🫡🇺🇸 #WomenWhoLead #WomenLeadership #FemaleCEO

death’s dynamic shroud has already been on this shit btw ☝️ (all credit to @hcmjmagic.com)

if Edea from FF VIII was our current evil dictator instead, I would be republican 🫡🇺🇸 #WomenWhoLead #WomenLeadership #FemaleCEO

Happy 27th birthday to everything I fundamentally believe in 🙌

you don't have to give me the little red icon if there's nothing there man. this is like raising your hand in class to tell the teacher that you don't know the answer

girlfriend: I love you 🥰 me: babe come on, you know how I feel about laying the context bare.. "show, don't tell" remember?

I love to wear my cat ears and obtain the legendary Masamune sword. this is just what it’s like to know ball

The thing that sucks about waking up early is that it’s like…now I gotta be awake *all day*??

don't talk me until I've had my waterlogged, spongy peat soil and sphagnum moss. I'm not me until I've had my waterlogged, spongy peat soil and sphagnum moss.. #BogLife

today I have eaten two bowls of lucky charms without milk and an entire can of pringles. not to brag.. my appetite is just lowkey boundless

it's actually quite easy for me to thrive in nutrient-poor, acidic conditions fed primarily by rain. that's just #BogLife baby

when the bog is lowkey a quagmire 🤦‍♂️ #BogLife

the microwave is actually the safest and healthiest way to cook food because they sterilize and kill all the harmful bacteria that might be living on the food. that's also why you don't have to clean them

You you the call the on a cell phone! 🗣️

ugh I hate the shiver of my flesh yielding to cold steel as i am pleading to be spared

turning my life around in 2026. resigning from my position as a moderator for r/femcelgrippysockjail and devoting more time to shredding the gnar

feeling a bit hurt by my reddit algorithm assuming I might be interested in posts from r/yearning

every time my sun lamp turns off it is like someone is stabbing me in the heart with the saddest blade in the universe

welp...once again I have accidentally lowered a dog deep into a well via a basket and pulley system and then removed the basket with the dog still at the bottom of the well and then promptly left the scene and went home without feeling guilt or shame 🤦‍♂️

there's a stock instrument in Logic called "Gamer's Organ" lol

I've got a can don't attitude

remembering when I wrote this whole song and also recorded and performed it while driving across the country

this my favorite music video of all time and a perfect video for a song about fucking www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUMq...

Yeah I see all the snow but idk what you want me to do about it. I tried eating an entire can of Pringles and taking a 3 hour nap but that didn't seem to do anything so. i'm all out of ideas now

they should invent warm snow

Life is too damn long man

lunch meat does not need to be so wet. it’s ridiculous, and it’s a crisis

if you just drink coffee all day then you can trick your body into thinking that you've eaten. then you don't have to eat until dinner, saving you money and giving you extra time for working on hobbies, jacking off, eating snacks. things of that nature

I 👏 will 👏 kill 👏 again👏

i would actually rather kill myself one million times but thanks anyway!

every day this guy wakes up and thinks to himself, "Welp it's another beautiful day! Time to check in and see how all 350,000 of my friends are doing!"

I'm chopped and unc and have IBS....but i DO know ball 😌

I'm reading that book The Secret so I can figure out how to manifest a banana dr. pepper into real life

I'm inventing a new type of egg

i could easily win the lottery, i just choose not to #ItsMyChoice

can't stop saying "bunt chunky whistle" to myself