What if ?

Trump at Davros “Apparently, America won the war”

Republicans I saw the Grand Old Party howl in neon halls, cash-baptized saints selling freedom, flags flapping over empty pockets, truth gagged by donors, democracy pawned for clicks and crumbs.

Trump threatens to increase prices by another 10% for US consumers and businesses, by putting up tariffs for countries supporting Greenland and Denmark’s sovereignty. The man’s a Genius.

Comrade Charles

Che Slott

The White House has removed the incontinence alarm from Donald’s mattress. He has now been awarded the No Bell Piss Prize. #LunchPun

Drift off to sleep, with the soothing sounds of the shipping forecast, hopefully.

Pssst!

Should I book a holiday somewhere warm and sunny

Last night in my dream I saw your face again We were there in the sun On a white sandy beach Ooh-ooh, of Hawaii The sound of the ocean Soothes my restless soul The sound of the ocean Rocks me all night long

How did I end up here?

Nick Abbot’s bingo card grimly accurate.

Every imperial power drums up paranoid fears to justify aggression and expansion. If one excuse looks too ridiculous to attempt, another will always be found.

Time to buy that FM radio and plenty of batteries, stock up on toilet rolls, Spam and chunky Kitkat bars.

“ The 5th day of Christmas, saw Mam come up with her final turkey dish of the year. Neville proposed a toast , to both Mam and the turkey, everyone cheered and with the promise of tomorrow’s sausage and mash make short work of Mam’s final creation of the year”. #NewAlanBennettmonologues

My magnificent oak friend I walked an eight mile round trip to say hello today. Why? A tree that has been the only living constant over 400 years deserves the effort

Merry Christmas, if that's the word. Still, better than being out in the cold. #NewAlanBennettMonologue

Sad times, I'll be cracking an egg in to my bath tonight in tribute www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c0...

A silence settles on ancient woodland at sunset The birds, already singing in hushed tones, go quiet as the shadows lengthen Any noise at all now alerts the senses of every living thing. The atmosphere is somewhat electric It is my favourite time

You'd have to be really very stupid to believe this one. But maybe that's it. Maybe Farage’s followers are just thick and gullible.

Stoat (Mustela ermine): This mammal is found across Eurasia and also in North America where it is known as the short-tailed weasel. It mainly preys on small rodents but will go for a variety of birds & eggs and rabbits. Thank you again Suzi Sullivan for sharing your photo of a Stoat taken in the UK

-lets the resident female Robin have 1st dibs on feeder crumbs -tells me where to water the lawn when worm hunting -sings me a ‘thank you for the raisins’ song -has a weird bouncing walk when worm hunting -polices the bird bath to stop Big Dave the pigeon from poohing in it 3/3

Watercolour painting in a woodland, with an interesting wooden footbridge over a stream. This is the second version: I gave the first version to the person who owned these grounds but she has since moved. I hope it's a nice reminder for her. #art #watercolour #woodland

Not very seasonal but a mixed media Cambridge May Week scene which I think sold at an exhibition (I'm forever sorting out and tidying up all the hundreds of photos of paintings on usb hard drives) #art #mixedmedia

Blenheim Palace has 1,000 veteran oaks (over 400 years old) The oldest is over 1,000 Deer Parks, Castles & Royal Estates have the majority of England’s ancient oaks These private estates are the reason England has more than the rest of Europe combined

My Christmas top 5 songs. 1 Carol of the Bells, Big Moon. 2 Winter Hymnal, Fleet Foxes. 3 The Holly and the Ivy, Kate Busby. 4 It came upon the midnight hour, Frank Sinatra. 5 Rudolph the red nose reindeer, The Crystals.

So far, not a word about this today on CNN, Fox, MSNow, or in the NYT, The Washington Post or the WSJ. Astonishing. www.politico.eu/article/nato...

Today’s earworm, brought to you by #earwormltd. Carol of the Bells

Nigel Farage used an LBC appearance in September to accuse the Bank of England of being “dinosaurs” for seeking to place restrictions on the use of Stablecoins by crypto firms like Tether. He did not declare that Reform had just received a £9 million donation from one of its biggest investors

Release the scans

Today is World AIDS Day, remembering all those we have lost, thinking of all those living with HIV.

Grey Heron (Ardea cinerea): This 102cm (40in) species of Heron hunts prey by standing stationary beside water courses, streams, rivers and lakes and striking a fish or amphibian suddenly. Superb photo taken by Anna Wheeler in Cornwall, UK. #heron #GreyHeron #bird #wildlife #nature #cornwall #herons

Well, whoever pinched the bananas I hope they didn’t eat the special laxative bananas that were stashed away there, waiting to experiment on some poor sap who can’t do without their bananas

Edward Wadsworth, the artist associated with the WW1 dazzle ships.

No can’t stand Coronation Street ether, the storylines would never happen in real life.

Orange skin glows bright, Tweet storms rage at every slight, Thin hide cracks like ice.

Gotthardt Kuehl - In the Coffeehouse 1915

Look upon my garden gate a snail is what it is. First, there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is.

I'm in Uganda, lecturing. My room has a vast mosquito net. Getting out of it to go for a late night wee isn't easy, particularly if you're in a wheelchair. Think Paddington without the marmalade.

“Don’t fret duckle I wont tell anyone you’ve given Dolly Fandango a higher mark than me. However you seem to think Ned the stable lad is a 11 out of ten and that I’m afraid changes things somewhat”. #GirlsOwwnCC

The Feathers Sunday lunch disaster would live long in the memory. Just why the landlady decided to replace the Aunt Bessie’s Yorkshire puddings with poppadoms, was between her and Mr Singh from the corner shop. #NewAlanBennets

PELICANS Similar in one respect to British Gas, in that they can both stick their bills up their arses

I’m almost at that age when I approach strangers, and tell them “I’m many years old you know”.

'Tall shadows'' by Sarah Ross Thompson, contemporary UK #printmaker #womensart

Don’t undo his zip

Send me some money I’ve something to sell It’s a secrete formula That will make you well. JFK

Peggy, page 33 of your contortionist book for beginners is missing, I fear you may have to send for for the fire brigade to untie my legs. #GirlsOwnCC

In my profile it says MK season Ticket. It was of course the MK Dons I was referring to. I am no longer a MK Don season ticket holder, the excitement was just too much.

What’s up doc ?