Continuing to assume these are threats and/or someone who is familiar with the concept of TPing a house but doesn’t actually know how to do it

WHO KEEPS DOING THIS

words to wipe your ass with

From this point forward, the only ice breaker questions allowed are: - fold or scrunch end of list.

a visual metaphor for chicago’s toilet paper scene

. ݁₊ ⋆.˚⊹ ٠ ࣪⭑. ݁˖. ݁₊⋆.˚.⋆₊݁ .˖݁ .⭑࣪ ٠ ⊹˚.⋆ ₊݁ . ⓜⓐⓚⓔ ⓐ ⓦⓘⓢⓗ . ݁₊ ⋆.˚⊹ ٠ ࣪⭑. ݁˖. ݁₊⋆.˚.⋆₊݁ .˖݁ .⭑࣪ ٠ ⊹˚.⋆ ₊݁ .

Idk when or how I hit 900 followers but I did so thank you all ✌🏻❤️🧻

I am so tired of encountering toilet papers with a handfeel that I can only describe as stabby. Why are manufacturers doing this? Who hurt them? There’s no way they don’t know.

Guinness Open Gate Chicago had two different toilet papers in the stall I chose. I might review one of them if I remember to write it up before I get too drunk. Chances of that are increasingly slim.

Reskeet with a photo of yours that would make a good album cover

I have been trying to figure out why all of Chicago’s toilet paper is so bad. Now I get it.

Toilet paper can also be used to wipe your eyes FYI

🧻 Review AMTRAK Borealis (St. Paul) This counts because the route starts in the Twin Cities and because I'm the one who makes the rules. Please click through and read this one. You will not regret it. I know I say that all the time, but it's only because it's true.

A certain toilet paper brand has held a nice cushy spot in my house for decades. They say they have my backside, but when asked to do something to help Minnesotans who are being threatened by ICE, they actively chose not to help.

brb checking out the TP sitch in Rochester ✌🏻❤️🧻🚲

this is not about toilet paper but is still a very important socks over/under thermal layer discussion point

🧻 Review Twin City Model Railroad Museum (St. Paul) I didn't know toilet paper could still surprise me. Ratings are no more, so you'll have to read the full review to find out more. *Reminder that I haven't installed any pixels/trackers—even for analytics purposes—so you can browse in peace. ✌🏻❤️🧻

New review coming soon ✌🏻❤️🧻

TP donation from Repurpose showed up on my porch today. These rolls are going to St. Paul Public Schools students/families. ✌🏻❤️🧻🔥🧊

Someday I will remember to do a review at a St. Paul library but it once again is not this day

Things like this are why I always say to leave the TP reviews to the professional ✌🏻❤️🧻😻

I tried to do a review today but the place I went for lunch did not have a bathroom. They did, however, have delicious burritos. I do not review burritos.

I didn't think about the fact that appearing in public would give people the chance to review me, a Reviewer. So crazy. Anyway, the reviews of Much Ado About Toilet Paper are pouring in this AM.

This is probably my favorite slide. There was some extra context to make it make more sense, but I worked really hard on it to make it the perfect balance of outlandish and true. I very much appreciated that everyone appreciated this little joke. ✌🏻❤️🧻

Anyway I’m now available for parties or whatever

Nerd Nite was so fun. If you weren’t there you really missed out. If you are here because you learned about me there, hello!

I never knew so many people scrunched I am so worried about all of you

Come to Minneapolis Nerd Nite tonight (1/27) to learn more about the dangers of scrunching!

I had so much fun chatting with the @citycasttwincities.bsky.social crew! Make sure to listen to this morning’s episode for some excellent toilet paper talk!

Deleting signal now that I know it’s compromised. Find me in the toilet paper aisle

Ya girl just did her first ever podcast appearance! Tune into @citycasttwincities.bsky.social tomorrow to hear about how toilet paper made me feel more connected to my community, plus some very questionable takes on wiping from @biketrouble.bsky.social and @twinkiejigggles.bsky.social!

Crowbar (St. Paul) A delightful and way-too-cool-for-me cocktail bar should have a much higher (or lower, honestly) caliber of toilet paper than what I found in the stall. The handfeel was wimpy. The embossed texture provided neither the additional surface area nor structure needed to make…

Nice of them to put all their logos in one spot to make it easy for me to give them all a big collective N-rating to match the one Target already has.

Everything feels wrong. You should be angry. You should be heartbroken. But you also deserve to have hope. You deserve to experience joy. TCTPR is a constant source of levity in my own life. I hope it is for you too. Tomorrow I will post a new review. Until then, take care. I love you, MN. ✌🏻❤️🧻

New year, new rules. I am ditching the letter rating system going forward. It has made it too easy for me to not do an actual review, especially since basically everything ended up getting a C-. I never actually wanted to do a hard-line rating system anyway. *This does not apply to the N rating.

Target (all locations) 🧻 Rating: N* Any establishment that willingly lets ICE inside its doors, that gives agents a safe space, that allows agents to kidnap their employees, that won’t speak up, is complicit in this. Wiping there is not safe for anyone. *Nazi

Confirmed: Charmin Forever Roll ate a Minneapolis woman’s head and then took over her body

Also this from our own North Loop-based toilet paper company, Bim Bam Boo. Spread the word to your people outside of Minnesota! bimbamboopaper.com ✌🏻❤️🧻

Yesterday was shitty and I’m sure today will be just as bad, but seeing this message in my inbox made me so fucking happy.

En route: bamboo toilet paper donation from Repurpose—maker of quite a few sustainable and compostable housegoods. ✌🏻❤️🧻

My official rating of the toilet paper at any business Bovino has been to, whether or not he did a bathroom photoshoot, is N (for Nazi). If anyone wants to share those with me I will gladly add the ratings to my map.

This is why I always tell you guys to leave the reviews to the professional ✌🏻❤️🧻

The Twin Cities Reviews accounts will continue multiplying until morale improves. (look guys i’m clearly not doing great over here but at least i’m having fun doing it!)

Three-ply ankle protection

Out: debating whether toilet paper should go under or over (over) In: debating whether thermal layer goes under or over socks

A couple TP companies have gotten back to me about donations. One wants to know of some specific groups to vet before committing (valid). So I’m looking for a few larger, centralized donation centers (like Smitten Kitten?) that have more capacity for longer-term storage. St. Paul too! ✌🏻❤️🧻

A couple TP companies have gotten back to me about donations. One wants to know of some specific groups to vet before committing (valid). So I’m looking for a few larger, centralized donation centers (like Smitten Kitten?) that have more capacity for longer-term storage. St. Paul too! ✌🏻❤️🧻

The stories are starting to roll in, but we're still looking to hear from ordinary Minnesotans about their recent experiences.

I took part in the world’s most embarrassing public hissy fit and all I got was blocked