the heart
@fredward3948576.bsky.social
đ€ 836
đ„ 149
đ 66
and he rose again in accordance with a bluesky he made earlier
pinned post!
I made an account on twitter too if you're interested
12 months ago
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I can replay the twitter hits on here for 6 likes, life is amazing
23 days ago
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You don't even realize that I've killed you, that's how killed you are. That's how I've killed you you are
23 days ago
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I think I am being feasted upon by the invisible
23 days ago
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23 days ago
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getting hit by a city bus probably feels like receiving a warm hug from a friend
6 months ago
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Itâs all about dying from preventable causes
6 months ago
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[whistling nonchalantly, looks down at the blade sticking out of my stomach] oh right, Iâve been run through
6 months ago
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itâs all about listening to your body, the immense pain in the area surrounding my left eye is my bodyâs way of telling me that my eye is bad and needs to be removed immediately
6 months ago
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Posting is like showing a little shoulder and batting your eyes, letting out a "yoo-hoo" and dropping your handkerchief
7 months ago
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My career as a slippery Wild West outlaw was tragically cut short after being shot to death by every sheriff from every county all at once
7 months ago
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Asking a bug to explain itself then laughing while it struggles to produce a single word
7 months ago
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Tossing a quarter to a squirrel, finger guns at a stray cat, putting my jacket over a puddle for a rat, dapping up a cockroach
7 months ago
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hey bro you left your intoxicatingly sweet scent at my apartment.. and it's fading...
7 months ago
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The bus driver is making me ride up front with him, something about wanting "to savor every moment of our time together".. he's talking about how he can go fast if he wants to but isn't afraid to take it slow
7 months ago
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My homunculus was killed during his Uber Eats shift. [looks over at a holstered gun lying on a table and sighs] the one day he forgets his service weapon..
7 months ago
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People keep trying to kidnap my homunculus when he delivers their Uber Eats orders. They try to lure him inside, offering candy or power. Poor little guy, heâs quite shaken, he didnât know the world was this malicious
7 months ago
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I am bursting at the seams with gray paste
7 months ago
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If I was sucked into a jet engine they wouldnât turn around and land for maintenance, they would just keep going. The pilots would say âwow we must have hit a fly or something extremely small and insignificantâ The flight attendants would pass out refreshments
7 months ago
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I keep an alien frozen in my garage freezer and thaw him out when guests come over so we can play the game "catch the alien before he tells his alien superiors to blow up the planet"
7 months ago
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felt wrong to copy and paste my tweets here... these are two different accounts, two different people
7 months ago
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reposted by
the heart
Once-Born Shrew
9 months ago
[Congressional hearing] What does it mean to post? (Leaning down to speak into the mic) To post is to dream. That is my belief. [An aide holds up a tweet printed on cardboard] And how often to you dream of "getting sucked off by the great beyond?" (Sweating) Um... Well... That's out of context...
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I don't think I'm dying but I've been wrong before
9 months ago
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she left me for a 55 gallon steel drum of gasoline. a damn 55 gallon steel drum of gasoline, hoss.
9 months ago
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giving you my diseased heart as an act of biological terrorism
9 months ago
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me: why I oughta⊠[looks down, dejected] âŠstand up for myself. one day. maybe tomorrow my wife: [finishing up strapping me to a giant rocket] Youâre going to go sooo high đ
9 months ago
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reposted by
the heart
wargen
9 months ago
mfw i have to shoot another fucked up mutant that escaped from my lab
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I have my own doomsday clock but Iâm not telling anyone what time it is
9 months ago
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[seeing two mutuals I donât know flirt on the timeline] let me get in on this
9 months ago
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[holds a lantern up to your face and recoils in disgust] oh what the hell, fuck that [hands you your ID back] yeah we canât let you into the alehouse. *snickering* try the stables the loaded crossbow hidden beneath your cloak:
9 months ago
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seems like nobody knows what âoneshottedâ means. okay imagine being shot in the head,
9 months ago
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[showing grace in defeat] *muttering* weapons, need weapons. I must stockpile weapons.. siege engines...
9 months ago
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*walking up to the librarian* excuse me, books on becoming a beast? books on going from man to beast?
9 months ago
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do I just copy and paste my tweets here
9 months ago
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can't have shit in pee city
11 months ago
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do you "people" even care about me. do you "people" recognize my humanity
11 months ago
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I made an account on twitter too if you're interested
12 months ago
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I feel like I'm the only leftist poster on this damn website
12 months ago
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the therapeutic benefits of pondering the slug
12 months ago
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please don't interact with my posts. it stresses me the fuck out
12 months ago
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reposted by
the heart
furby hancock
12 months ago
Kill shelters transitioning to "torture-only model" in partial victory for animal rights advocates
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Anybody can interact đ
12 months ago
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I don't want to leave my tweets behind, I like some of them
12 months ago
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reposted by
the heart
Richard Vein
12 months ago
does this site let you say stuff like let's give nukes to iran
#explodetelaviv
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Mr. President, can I squeeze them
12 months ago
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the unspoken heroism in being put down like a sick dog by your family
12 months ago
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I am nothing without my Indian bots
12 months ago
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this is my son and my partner rizzler plainview
12 months ago
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I'm sorry about not posting here, you make me nervous hehe
12 months ago
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it feels nice to be a small account again. twitter fredwards ego got too big, had to beat him with a shovel
12 months ago
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people of bluesky, perhaps we are clouds. perhaps we are birds or planes. or hot air balloons. or helicopters, or rockets. or little goblins shot from a M198 howitzer.
12 months ago
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