Dave Shumka
@daveshumka.bsky.social
📤 1915
📥 100
📝 91
I’m doing myself a disservice. He/Him. stoppodcastingyourself.com
Clavicle Man, Clavicle Man, Clavicle Man hates Cortisol Man.
7 days ago
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Yeah, I got an STD:
16 days ago
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My favourite part of Train Dreams is when he snores and it sounds like “choo choo.” Anyway, thanks for letting me tweet here.
about 2 months ago
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"Dad, what were you like in the '90s?" And it's just pictures of me listening to "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls, wall plastered with posters for the movie City of Angels.
2 months ago
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You know, you could take up a hobby. Then you wouldn’t be so impressed when you hear an actor spent 3 weeks learning darts or whatever.
3 months ago
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Damn, she was right. Every day IS a winding road.
3 months ago
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Why are you feeling cute? You should delete now.
3 months ago
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sombr is my generation’s Djo.
3 months ago
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Me when the bar’s about to close:
6 months ago
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11 months a year: Eat the rich! December: Eat the roof!
6 months ago
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This is what a 38-year-old looked like in 1990.
6 months ago
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Good for you but I’ll never stop riding in horse carriages.
6 months ago
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Scrooge: Who is that awakening me on this Christmas Eve?
6 months ago
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@mbalazo.bsky.social
Good news!
www.cbc.ca/music/ac-new...
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The New Pornographers to keep their name after drummer's arrest for possession of child pornography | CBC Music
The band's frontman, A.C. Newman, opened up about the decision in a Rolling Stone interview.
https://www.cbc.ca/music/ac-newman-interview-band-name-joseph-seiders-9.6984334
7 months ago
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A lot of people like it when Seal goes “Bay-BAY I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.” But you know what’s underrated? When Seal goes “But did you know that when it snows…”
7 months ago
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To celebrate the life of Diane Keaton I will be wearing pants for the next few months.
8 months ago
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One thing I love about a 20-slide Instagram carousel is trying to guess where the fuck I am in the middle of it.
8 months ago
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It’s so pathetic how my friends love the Sopranos cuz it’s like bro the Sopranos wouldn’t like you AT ALL.
9 months ago
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Hot take: I don't think you should be allowed to use the self-checkout if you're a dumbshit.
9 months ago
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reposted by
Dave Shumka
Stop Podcasting Yourself
10 months ago
New in the bonus feed! Dave and Graham make the ultimate summer playlist.
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Me: Fellate a minion? Yes please! Snooty waiter: It’s pronounced filet mignon.
11 months ago
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Don McLean: Drove my Chevy to the levee… Me (grinning while concealing an enormous levee-drying device): Then what happened?
11 months ago
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Me to a crow:
about 1 year ago
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Just met my girlfriend’s dad for the first time. Considering bragging that I can milk anything with nipples. Hope he doesn’t get my ass on a technicality.
about 1 year ago
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Whoa, big news day.
about 1 year ago
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Now that we have a Chicago pope, Christmas is gonna have a lot more Dominic the Donkey.
about 1 year ago
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reposted by
Dave Shumka
Stop Podcasting Yourself
about 1 year ago
Graham's 24-Hours of Stand-Up is underway.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZVz...
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Graham Clark's 24-Hours of Stand-Up 2025
YouTube video by Little Mountain Gallery
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZVznmPNZgE
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If you’re posting a video, you better write “wait for it” on it. Otherwise I might think it’s bad the whole way through instead of mostly bad but good at the end.
about 1 year ago
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We actually do deserve dogs.
about 1 year ago
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reposted by
Dave Shumka
Graham "Mayhem" Clark
about 1 year ago
My fellow Blue Sky members, I cannot express how much fun this 24 Hour Show is going to be. I wish very much for you to see it.
www.showpass.com/graham-clark...
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Graham Clark's 24-Hours of Stand-Up 2025 - Little Mountain Gallery - Vancouver - May 23, 2025
Graham Clark performs for 24 hours at Little Mountain Gallery (again)! It's now been a full year since LMG reopened and, to celebrate, Graham Clark will punish himself one more time with a full day of...
https://www.showpass.com/graham-clarks-24-hours-of-stand-up-2025/
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Sometimes you hear a piece of music that makes you question whether you’re reelin in the years.
about 1 year ago
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It soon will be May.
about 1 year ago
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It’s called quiche because when I take a bite it goes squiche.
about 1 year ago
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Fun fact: Tate McRae’s full name is Potato McRato.
about 1 year ago
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Imagine if the pope's wife dropped this one week from now.
about 1 year ago
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reposted by
Dave Shumka
Honeycut1
about 1 year ago
I come here to share fantastic news! Retail Nightmares has returned for today!!! Thanks
@aliciatobin.bsky.social
@energyslime.bsky.social
@jayarner.bsky.social
and
@grahamclark.bsky.social
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Happy Carob Day to all the parents whose kids are mad at them right now.
about 1 year ago
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Just keep rubbing your eyes together.
about 1 year ago
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That’s certainly troubling news but I don’t recognize that guy as Weezer’s true bassist.
about 1 year ago
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Why do people get so stressed about doing their taxes? Just wait for the government to text you and pay them $800 in iTunes gift cards.
about 1 year ago
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What I love about the pubic bone is the idea that my skeleton has a huge bush.
about 1 year ago
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You can believe in astrology but ya gotta admit every day is basically the same.
about 1 year ago
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Tax return? Tax return?! I'm sorry but tax does not return.
about 1 year ago
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We don't mean to cause no fuss. All we wanna say is they not like us.
about 1 year ago
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They did NOT have to give the Urkel robot such a juicy ass.
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about 1 year ago
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French onion soup? Hell yeah. I might even finger onion soup.
over 1 year ago
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Oh, so I'm the only one on here staying up all night praying for the pope?
over 1 year ago
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Me entering the drug store: Unlock all the plexiglass panels please. I’d like to do some shopping.
over 1 year ago
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Born too late to explore the Earth. Born too early to have my high school yearbook quote be "Bawitdaba da-bang da-bang diggy-diggy-diggy. Said the boogie, said up drop the boogie."
over 1 year ago
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Well, I guess you can't buy not being the stupidest fucking idiot in the world.
over 1 year ago
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