Dave Shumka
@daveshumka.bsky.social
📤 1778
📥 100
📝 76
I’m doing myself a disservice. He/Him. stoppodcastingyourself.com
To celebrate the life of Diane Keaton I will be wearing pants for the next few months.
about 1 month ago
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One thing I love about a 20-slide Instagram carousel is trying to guess where the fuck I am in the middle of it.
about 2 months ago
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It’s so pathetic how my friends love the Sopranos cuz it’s like bro the Sopranos wouldn’t like you AT ALL.
2 months ago
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Hot take: I don't think you should be allowed to use the self-checkout if you're a dumbshit.
3 months ago
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reposted by
Dave Shumka
Stop Podcasting Yourself
3 months ago
New in the bonus feed! Dave and Graham make the ultimate summer playlist.
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Me: Fellate a minion? Yes please! Snooty waiter: It’s pronounced filet mignon.
4 months ago
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Don McLean: Drove my Chevy to the levee… Me (grinning while concealing an enormous levee-drying device): Then what happened?
5 months ago
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Me to a crow:
5 months ago
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Just met my girlfriend’s dad for the first time. Considering bragging that I can milk anything with nipples. Hope he doesn’t get my ass on a technicality.
5 months ago
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Whoa, big news day.
5 months ago
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Now that we have a Chicago pope, Christmas is gonna have a lot more Dominic the Donkey.
6 months ago
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reposted by
Dave Shumka
Stop Podcasting Yourself
6 months ago
Graham's 24-Hours of Stand-Up is underway.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZVz...
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Graham Clark's 24-Hours of Stand-Up 2025
YouTube video by Little Mountain Gallery
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZVznmPNZgE
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If you’re posting a video, you better write “wait for it” on it. Otherwise I might think it’s bad the whole way through instead of mostly bad but good at the end.
6 months ago
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We actually do deserve dogs.
6 months ago
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reposted by
Dave Shumka
Graham "Mayhem" Clark
6 months ago
My fellow Blue Sky members, I cannot express how much fun this 24 Hour Show is going to be. I wish very much for you to see it.
www.showpass.com/graham-clark...
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Graham Clark's 24-Hours of Stand-Up 2025 - Little Mountain Gallery - Vancouver - May 23, 2025
Graham Clark performs for 24 hours at Little Mountain Gallery (again)! It's now been a full year since LMG reopened and, to celebrate, Graham Clark will punish himself one more time with a full day of...
https://www.showpass.com/graham-clarks-24-hours-of-stand-up-2025/
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Sometimes you hear a piece of music that makes you question whether you’re reelin in the years.
6 months ago
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It soon will be May.
7 months ago
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It’s called quiche because when I take a bite it goes squiche.
7 months ago
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Fun fact: Tate McRae’s full name is Potato McRato.
7 months ago
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Imagine if the pope's wife dropped this one week from now.
7 months ago
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reposted by
Dave Shumka
Honeycut1
7 months ago
I come here to share fantastic news! Retail Nightmares has returned for today!!! Thanks
@aliciatobin.bsky.social
@energyslime.bsky.social
@jayarner.bsky.social
and
@grahamclark.bsky.social
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Happy Carob Day to all the parents whose kids are mad at them right now.
7 months ago
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Just keep rubbing your eyes together.
7 months ago
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That’s certainly troubling news but I don’t recognize that guy as Weezer’s true bassist.
7 months ago
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Why do people get so stressed about doing their taxes? Just wait for the government to text you and pay them $800 in iTunes gift cards.
7 months ago
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What I love about the pubic bone is the idea that my skeleton has a huge bush.
7 months ago
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You can believe in astrology but ya gotta admit every day is basically the same.
8 months ago
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Tax return? Tax return?! I'm sorry but tax does not return.
8 months ago
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We don't mean to cause no fuss. All we wanna say is they not like us.
8 months ago
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They did NOT have to give the Urkel robot such a juicy ass.
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8 months ago
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French onion soup? Hell yeah. I might even finger onion soup.
8 months ago
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Oh, so I'm the only one on here staying up all night praying for the pope?
9 months ago
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Me entering the drug store: Unlock all the plexiglass panels please. I’d like to do some shopping.
9 months ago
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Born too late to explore the Earth. Born too early to have my high school yearbook quote be "Bawitdaba da-bang da-bang diggy-diggy-diggy. Said the boogie, said up drop the boogie."
9 months ago
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Well, I guess you can't buy not being the stupidest fucking idiot in the world.
9 months ago
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I love a blowout Super Bowl. It’s so embarrassing for everyone.
9 months ago
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Hope I don't get too laid.
9 months ago
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Trade war? Yeah, I’d like to trade war… for Anthony Davis and a 1st.
10 months ago
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Groundhogs see this and be like “I don’t know, man.”
10 months ago
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“In the midnight hour I can feel your power… but I mostly feel it between 7:30 and 8.” -if “Like a Prayer” was written about Ken Jennings
10 months ago
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reposted by
Dave Shumka
Michael Balazo
10 months ago
Farewell to the worst candy with the most grimly pornographic packaging.
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If this book were written today it would be called How to Rizz Friends & Also Rizz People.
10 months ago
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I don't post a lot of selfies. Please be gentle with me.
10 months ago
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Right now the worst comedians in Canada are pondering whether to pay thousands for a US visa or wait and see how this 51st state thing goes.
10 months ago
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This car gets 5 big ZOOMs!
11 months ago
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So cool when restaurant menus have a section called "Handhelds."
11 months ago
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So, have you guys received your 2025 bingo cards yet? What’s happening with that?
11 months ago
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Imagine working on this high-stress situation and you have co-workers who just run the Santa tracker.
11 months ago
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If I did autopsies I’d call my company Up Your Butt and Around the Coroner. I don’t know if coroners are usually private businesses but hey, hire me when your usual coroner lets you down.
11 months ago
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How come there’s no International Men’s Day and yet we give a whole day to the Jackal? Are you freaking kidding me?!!
11 months ago
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