My uncle made me a clock that counts down to Inauguration Day 2029 lol

“Y’all keep adding letters to your alphabet mafia, I can’t keep up” aw I’m sorry susan, is it the concept of inclusion or just the alphabet in general that you struggle with?

It’s officially spring and yet the body still alludes to winter. She’s giving CEO of pilsbury. The color, the texture, it’s all very doughbabe.

All it takes is for a beautiful woman to crush on an ugly guy once and boom, he’s supplied with The Audacity for the rest of his crusty life

The Sunday activation of bog witch mode is so important. Do not resist the bog witch, lean into her with all your might.

Patreon.com/asiadnyc 😉

what kind of country is this, where dangerous radicals can throw sandwiches at our brave secret masked torture police with impunity

No thanks “Ralph Lauren inspired Christmas,” my decor theme is and always will be “WHOA, that’s too much Christmas”

call that pussy george w because that bush is a war criminal

I just hope he’s not hot I don’t think I can go through that again

I refer to my spouse as my partner because it’s nicer than referring to him as my mortal enemy

Why won’t my vita coco give me that last drop of coconut water? What is it clinging on to? What dark secrets does it hold?

Filling out my W9 for my first ever paid writing job FOR A MOVIE that touches every single inch of my heart and I’m just gonna do a little cry if that’s ok with the group

All I want is to be someone’s “Madeline Ashton test” is that so much to ask?

Watching the hunting wives as someone who was raised by a gay man like “forget about the murder, put whoever styled Margot’s wig in prison!”

Wild that we could have been foraging for berries and dying off at 33 but we chose this nonsense instead

Wild that we could have been foraging for berries and dying off at 33 but we chose this nonsense instead

I’ve been looking at LA real estate and my official findings are that most homes over $3M are hideously gaudy crimes against humanity and the rich must be stopped

The most shocking thing about the WSJ Trump/Epstein article is that Trump does in fact know how to read/write

Is incessant snoring a valid reason to have my husband put down? Humanely, of course.

“You aren’t IN traffic, you ARE the traffic.” Not me pal I’m just alone in my car being victimized by my surroundings

I love summer. Who doesn’t enjoy receiving anywhere from 10 to 300,000 mosquito bites every time they exit their home? Really great stuff.

“The problem is no one wants to work these days” maybe you should reflect on why you DO want to work, you sick little freak

I hope whoever Jason Mraz was singing about is having a very happy birthday

…does this look positive to you?

Gayed too hard at Pride, putting myself in hetero time out

HAPPY PRIDE NEW YORK!!!!

Carrying my dad’s urn around all day like “c’mon dude, time to spend some quality time together”

Everything is terrible except for my dog photobombing my spicy pic session

Happy Gaymas Eve to all who celebrate and my deepest condolences on your straightness to those who don’t

Need an app where I can hire a lesbian to mount a TV and, afterwards, me

One of my Patreon members let me know that if you sign up through the app it adds $5, so sign up through the website then use the app once your payment processes! Ok love you xx

Started a patreon for anyone who wants to know more about my life or just more about what my shockingly perfect ass looks like! Hope to see you there 💋 www.patreon.com/c/AsiaDNYC

I’m not sure I’ll ever reopen my OF but I am considering reopening my FanHouse bc I genuinely miss sharing my talent (posting pictures of my ass)

Love when a New Zealander says “decades” like “dickheads”

I am 37 years old which means I have been of legal drinking age long enough for my alcoholism to obtain a drivers license

Happy 5/10 to all the “6 ft tall” men who celebrate

The getting yelled at by your parents for doing drugs to doing drugs with your parents pipeline is one of the more fun things about becoming an adult

I did mushrooms last night and uncovered all the secrets of the universe but also could not figure out how to load the dishwasher

“Blood is thicker than water” uhh maybe yours is but I’m on my 6th tequila shot so I’m pretty sure my blood is thinner than water babe I’m talking skinnnnyyy

I used to make fun of dudes in high school for busting nut in their pants with little to no actual interaction but I just watched a video of Megan Thee Stallion dancing and now I have some apologies to make

xx

Introducing her holiness the new pope Wilhelmina

We sadly live in an era with more single issue voters than ever. BUT if there’s ONE issue that matters the most, it’s income inequality. It affects almost all other issues. The mega rich have gamed the system and have us at each others throats fighting for scraps. Tax the billionaires, god damnit.

When someone signs an email “very truly yours” it’s like ok I probably wouldn’t have doubted you but “very truly?” A bit sus.

Love me the way Gatsby loved Daisy (die in a pool for me) or I don’t want it

I haven’t had running hot water in my building since April 3rd and I haven’t mentioned it until now so any time you think I’m annoying just know that I could be like, WAY worse

Gonna be some epic “cousin walks” taken this Easter

I think it's bad that the country is led by people who haven't had a real problem in their entire lives and couldn't get a regular job due to being too weird