That Italian speed skater.... 'ello

ROB HATCH ON THE SPEEDSKATING there he is, commentating on people racing round an oval track for a change...

wesley streeting is a wet wipe, and as such should be put in the bin and not flushed away as he might cause a blockage in the pipes and then we'd have to get dyno-rod out to clear it, and who's paying for that, eh? not me, I can tell you that for nowt.

Post a banger that isn't in English www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAOI...

This isn't daft punk??

The amount of I'm Too Sexy in this Olympics is disappointing!!!

AI generated music at the skating 🤮

There are some LEWKS on the ice but France ain't it. Gone all Madonna Hanky Panky era. A decision was made.

I apparently do not exist, so no map for me :(

YOWSERS USA. HEART IN MOUTH.

How do we have Carlton on speed skating???? I see his usually thing of "making shit up about what people are saying" still applies here, good to know he hasn't let his standards slip...

BACKFLIP ALERT ⚠️

The skater for France FLIPPED a SWITCH when Judas kicked in. The whole mood changed. Love it.

Just about to watch the ice skating, and the bit where all the guys are out on the ice is *exactly* like the quiet hours in any skating rink where all the cocky kids who work there get a bit of space to show off.

Another afternoon at Bruce's This is a Spiced Honey Sour, which has spiced honey rum liqueur, spiced rum, and lemon

BIRD

My companion for the evening:

The bit I dislike about ceremonies: WANK

SHE'S FIFTY SEVEN.

Love how unflattering the Italian outfit is, everyone looks like they've got a belly on, it's lovely to see.

Y'know, the ice block people, I DON'T THINK THEY'RE THEIR ACTUAL ARMS

Poland just showing off there, I can't even do a handstand.

Netherlands, that's TOO MUCH orange, you look like you're coming to unclog my drains

Can I get a Norway jumper? Snazzy.

ICELAND!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSS

Why have Iran come dressed as Transformers???

Two types of clothing at this opening ceremony: 1) We had a designer painstakingly create this over a period of months, based on a very particular idea 2) We bought a coat

SO MANY CANADA

MONCLER???? Ooooh someone's doing well.

The little guys at the side waving the athletes through are so utterly pointless, love it

Andorra looking to confuse warships, I see

YES GIRL, GIVE IT NOTHING

Just has my ears cleaned out properly and now my dog barking is the loudest sound on earth. Fuck me, he's loud. So tiny! And yet!

"I know it was you who ate the last Jaffa Cake; you can take that smile off your face"

I've just been reminded of this fucking headline from 3 years ago. Am dead all over again.

Absolutely phenomenal way to sell some land imho www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/1...

Our right to leave porn in bushes

When asked why we I wanted the yellow paint job on our car, it was so that I'd be safe in the knowledge that someone would be giving someone else a fucking great wallop in the arm because of us.

Absolutely phenomenal way to sell some land imho www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/1...

Just been made aware of Haiti's winter Olympics get-up. That skirt looks warm, has good pockets, and has a massive horse on it. DING DING DING.

One of my good friends (I do have some!) has made a very specific customisable stickers website. Money off with meat2veg, so I'm told. dickers.net

Looking forward to this going up on FB, I already know what GT* will suggest (it will be AI, it's always AI)

The person who runs this account

Look who's back

Nothing quite like eating a pasty in a car park to while away the hours

Oh I remember this, back when I could be fkn arsed

THREE out of SIX beers from a service I subscribe to are Alcohol Free. Yes, it would be good to have the option and I don't mind getting one now and again but HALF OF THEM? ARE YOU TAKING THE PISS??

Turd Reich

Just changed the channel and THIS was on the screen.

Come on now, Giles. We all know that you don't have a conscience, let alone a good one.