Really enjoying the Riyadh Comedy Festival, guys. Don’t know why it’s getting so much bad press. The audiences are loving it. Absolutely laughing their heads on.

A quick guide on "How to fall downstairs": Step 1 Step 6 Step 8, 9, 10, 11.

The wee man chose the game against the Hibs community team to open his account for the season. Two goals in five minutes. What a way to spend a Sunday morning 😁

Gobsmacked by that result - but have always wanted to see Stat get a run with the belt. Hope she crushes it #AEWAllout

Hard to conjure up the storyline rage at the end of that coffin match - Pac is a huuuge favourite & it's great to see him back #AEWAllout

Okada/Takeshita/Dorada MOTN so far for me. Dorada shines & Kazu-Take chemistry off the frickin chart #AEWAllout

Dinner looking autumnal as fuck. (that's a duck leg under all the wine & mushrooms btw)🍂

Make a band singular: A Stroke

Great turnout of nearly 5000 fans at Tynecastle today for the #capitalcup women's derby. Hearts were good for their 2-0 win having won the physical battle and rounding things off with a great strike from Jess Husband. Natural order indeed.

Been re-discovering a lot of Killing Joke stuff recently. Seminal bangers.

I think at this point I actually hate Starmer as much as I hated Johnson & Thatcher.

Bored oot ma nut watching top-flight fitba from Scotland & England today. Thankfully I also got to watch North Merchiston 2014s, who covered every blade of astro in getting past Bonyrigg 3-1 this morning. That's the good stuff.

One of the worst Glasgow derbies I've ever seen. Celtic not remotely at the races, Rangers showed fight but had absolutely no quality. Both teams lucky to get a point 🤣

Please tell me the following line from McInness on the beeb website is a misquote: 'We set up to nullify Livingston's threat'. WE ARE HEART OF MIDLOTHIAN YOU TIT. How about setting up to impose our *own* threat?

Bollocks to the coefficient. Nae champs league for the ugly sisters is good news for every other team in the league. And it's FUNNY.

No spoilers, but tonight's #aew Dynamite in Glasgow was a really great time. Of course, having Dex to keep me company was the best part.

Snax Cafe

I'm making a TV series about the different parts of my gas cooker - I've already filmed the pilot.

A win's a win, but it was hardly a joy to watch against a pretty dire Aberdeen side. Particularly disappointed that none of our forward players could get on the scoresheet. Also, if we're going to play 3 at the back, we need better than Spittal to provide the creativity in midfield.

Can't believe I had to miss the last half hour of the test to open up my stoopid shop 😡. A fitting end to a magnificent series - England fans won't want to hear this, but the draw was absolutely the right result overall. Test cricket at its chaotic, nerve-shredding finest.

Chatting with a friend in hospitality, who's been taking abuse for not doing a cover shift offered at a few hours' notice. Same kind of shitty practice that was going on fifteen years ago when I was cheffing - can't see the industry fixing its chronic skills shortage any time soon.

Absolutely heroic effort by the Indian batters. This series continues to showcase test cricket in all its glorious variety - glad there's something to play for in the final test.

Hogan: 'I'm the babyface here, I think I should go over' Death: 'That's not gonna work for me, brother'.

Walking home from Tynie repeating to myself 'It's only Dumbarton, don't get too excited, it's only Dumbarton, DON'T GET TOO EXCITED'.

Ozzy's death hits pretty hard. At a time where my love of metal is going thru quite a resurgence, losing one of the founding fathers is tough to take. Rest in chaos you absolute madman.

It’s utterly pathetic that Hearts aren’t engaging with this site anymore. Shame that you have to be a fascist to get decent online Hearts content.

PRO WRESTLING IS BETTER THAN THE THINGS YOU LIKE

Making the most of a summer's day off with the kids. So lucky to have a climbable 'mountain' just a short bus ride from home! (They were scrambling up with a deal more confidence than many grownups too)

When I saw BR live the first thing that struck me was how much fun Jay seemed to be having. Deranged Joker grin across his face for most of the show. Top guy.

Done.

They're talking about "water based" cooking now. Cooking things in water instead of oils. It's soup. They're making soup.

I never measure ingredients for pesto, so every batch ends up a little bit different. Once in a while you get it pretty damn close to perfection.

Lol

Feel a bit guilty about how genuinely elated I was with Critchley's sacking. Good guy who was trying his best, but it's been obvious for weeks he was out his depth. Had to get shot before the damage became permanent.

Wow if I was him I would just stfu forever and disappear but then I guess I also wouldn’t sexually assault vulnerable women so we’re probably just quite different as people.

More in No, Other People: New poll: “America would be better off if more people worked in manufacturing.” • 80% of Americans agree • 20% disagree “I would be better off if I worked in a factory.” • 25% of Americans agree • 73% disagree • 2% currently work in a factory

Was still giving him the benefit of the doubt until today, but that should be Critchley gone. No goals scored against DU & Motherwell in crucial games, pretty much unforgivable.

One for the 'only in Morningside' files - spotted someone in a cafe eating a pain au raisin with a knife & fork 🤦

I've obviously followed worse Hearts sides in my near 40 years as a fan, but I don't think I've ever known a team so fucking frustrating. Shitebaggery runs through this lot like the writing in a stick of rock.

I don't think missing a hatfull of decent chances, then giving that dick of a referee an excuse to send someone off, is exactly the way to rid yourselves of the 'big game bottlers' tag, lads.

One of Terry's most loved & profound passages, one which shows the humanity at the heart of all his work.

I'm fuckin HOME!

Anyway, fuck fitba. I'm off for a pint then OPETH!

Hearts have been hugely improved under Critchley, but a growing concern about performance in the big games. Too much of a nice guy? Gotta be willing to shed blood to win a derby.

A few weeks short of my 48th birthday, and I'm heading thru to the Barras on Sunday for my first bit of live metal in YEARS. Never getting old, me.

Upon this response, JK burst into a million shards and a great wind scattered her unhappy soul beneath the arc of a newly formed rainbow.

Any fellow noodle cup addicts come across these before? Found them for the first time in the veg shop next to my gaff, and they are BANGIN.

The Bill Withers weather forecasts used to go on far too long.

Couldn't ask for much more from the draw really. Winnable home tie & either the wee team or the favourites going oot. Tidy.

Got a good look inside the NHS yesterday, and while resources are obviously stretched, service was caring, friendly & efficient. (OK, one person was sullen & pretty rude, but who knows what kind of day they were having). In the main, I felt safer & reassured in the hands of these brilliant people. ❤️