Good to know. I stand with Michigan.

Never ever ever forget that in a patriarchal society, men’s interests are protected above all others; in a matriarchy, it is not women who are most protected—it’s children. Happy international women’s day. Matriarchy or bust.

I know I will sound like a fuddy duddy, but I think schools (all the way through higher ed) need to go back to hand-written notes and essays/exams. It’s been proven time & again that the mind-muscle connection from hand-writing notes increases retention and comprehension.

Bad

Milkshake puck

The first flush after the city turns your water back on post water-main break is terrifying. It sounds like Noah’s flood is about to overtake your bathroom.

"If you do not like the way your morning toast was prepared, please press 9, and then 1, and then 1, and then hide the phone in a laundry basket." www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/tod...

And then Canada acted like little entitled buttheads, rudely frumping as they were handed their SILVER medals and ADORABLE stuffies. Distasteful.

Make sure everyone sees this then. The FCC apparently changed its “equal time” rule on talk shows to make it hard for Colbert or The View to air interviews with candidates like Talarico. Video link in comments.

My face if I was forced to stand next to a Tkachuk 🤮

I bought my husband’s favorite Spindrift flavor and it WASN’T on sale. That’s about as romantic as I get.

I fought for potheads right to get high even if they don’t have anxiety or what the fuck ever, they should now fight for the development of a strain that gets you stoned without the smell. I’m tired of driving and walking through the smell of someone else’s hotbox, goddamn

I have never given one single shit about Valentine’s Day. But I swear to St. V himself, if It happens tomorrow, I will give everyone I know an overpriced fucking rose on February 14th every year until I become worm and fungi food.

I cannot stress enough how violent I will become if I am ever called Pam ever again. I have asked to be called Pamela for well over a decade & I have been irked by people constantly defaulting to the boring nickname I despise, but Pam is now officially a name for evil cunts only. Don’t call me that.

IF PROCESSED FOODS KILL & THEY GENUINELY WANT TO MAKE AMERICA HEALTHY THEN WHY ARE THEY REMOVING ALL THE PEOPLE WHO PICK THE FRUITS & VEGGIES, MAKING THEM MORE EXPENSIVE? WHY ARE THEY CUTTING FOOD ASSISTANCE? WHY NOT LET DOCTORS PRESCRIBE APPLES & BROCCOLI? OH WAIT, THAT WOULDN’T LINE RFK’S POCKET!

All these years not fully understanding curling when all someone needed to say was “it’s ice bocce.” Simple.

All those AI ads were the last gasp of a dying industry, I’m convinced of it. They’re desperate. Don’t give into what they want. Boycott them all, use your brain instead.

Do not use Ring’s search party. The ad said it’s for finding dogs, but it’s absolutely going to be used to hunt down people. Actually, just don’t use Ring at all.

A beautiful show put on by a beautiful soul. Oh, Benito, we’re not worthy!

OMG BENITO IS WEARING MY NUMBER. OMGGGGGGGG

It is halftime. I hear men other than Benito talking. WHY?

🥱 Is it halftime yet?

I heard the word “halfway” come out of Mike Tirico’s mouth. So halftime? *touches earpiece* I’m being told he said they’re halfway through the quarter. What a tease.

Is it halftime yet?

SPARTY!!!! 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

Wait wait wait, I’m sorry, Italia. I take it back. You said empathy is strength. I’m back in. Yay opening ceremonies.

Fever dreams are bad. Did the Milano Cortina people think fever dreams are a good thing? This isn’t fun or kitschy or campy. It’s just uncomfortable.

“Everyone At My Work Still Goes To Starbucks; I Never Planned To Be An Ars0n¡st” My new book, coming out in 10 years or less, with good behavior.

Who still takes calls on speakerphone in public? What year is it? Who doesn’t have headphones but DOES have an iPhone AND has complete disregard for other people waiting for their carryout. Jfc, I feel like I’m in the twilight zone.

If you campaigned for the presidency on a promise to destroy these assholes, you would win a landslide the size of FDR in 1936, when he campaigned on a promise to destroy these assholes.

We gotta have a performance review for the Grim Reaper or something. This is getting ridiculous.

I want to hug you so hard, Spence. Let’s cry about this shit together any time

Abolish ICE is now the moderate minimum position, Prosecute ICE is where Dems should be at next.

This sure seems more like the tyranny the Constitution is supposed to protect against than forgiving student loans.

It took an hour to get to the office and I had to poop the whole time. I deserve a medal for making it here. And I deserve to go home.

How is it possible that I listened to two different podcast episodes (of different shows) today and both featured jokes about bidets and then I see this? Is the Universe telling me to wash my butt? I do, Universe! I’M NOT THAT KIND OF WHITE PERSON

Attaway with the comeback, Wings!

Exercising One's First Amendment Right Now Capital Offense, Declares President of United States.

Don’t watch the world cup.

Cry, Pack, cry.

I long for the day this isn’t relevant

🤌🤌🤌🤌

Today is still Christmas. It is the 12th day of Christmas. I know it’s tough, but try to find your jolly, you deserve it.

I was this close 🤏 to putting acne facewash on my toothbrush this morning. How’s the first Monday of the new year going for you?

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Two month min. spending freeze starts now. Minimum because I need to offload a metric fuckton of stuff before acquiring anything new. If you want to come shopping in my closet or kitchen cabinets, lemme know.

It’s such a good game we should retire it. Like a jersey but it’s the wholeass game. No one gets to play ever again. 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒

Mamdani is officially Mayor of NYC. This year already feels great.