It’s such a good game we should retire it. Like a jersey but it’s the wholeass game. No one gets to play ever again. 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒

Mamdani is officially Mayor of NYC. This year already feels great.

Isn’t the product supposed to be good for a while before the enshittification phase begins?

"I just don't know how you go around, asking everyone if they consent to sex before you start having sex. I just don't see how that would work."

Muenster + American + MAYO on the outside of the bread = the most elite grilled cheese. Period. I am right, there is no discussion to be had.

Not to be controversial but I think we should use tools and resources to make people's lives less miserable instead of more

Hey, fellow SA survivors, let’s all give ourselves the gift of turning off our phones for Christmas. We deserve it.

The Tigers did stupid T*ump dances in NY against the Yanks then immediately their season went into a skid after. St Brown on the Lions’ did a T*ump dance after a td and then…well, we now know how that season went after. T*ump is a plague and doing anything that cutesy-fies him is a curse. Stop.

Hey, pssst….throw away your expired makeup. (Yes, it expires. That 8 year old concealer might explain your eye irritation and zits on your jaw.) Then don’t replace any of it. You don’t need it and you should save your money for the apocalypse anyway.

It’s an egg nog in the coffee kind of morning.

I’m at the combination Pizza Hut and Kennedy Center.

Every time I have to answer a question about my highest level of education, I have to think for a moment. Ten years of being a licensed attorney and I STILL cannot believe I actually went to law school.

Duh.

When a supervisor calls in due to snow, their whole department should be off, too. Change my mind.

When your plans, which you already caffeinated for, get cancelled, you clean your house. You clean like the wind. It’s what you DO.

I never feel like I’m taking my life into my own hands more than driving through a Meijer parking lot. Nightmare fuel.

I cannot wait for the Wicked shit to be done. I really cannot wait. Can it be now? Please? I need it gone.

Went into a T@rget to use the bathroom today. We walked around after, looked at plenty of festive stuff, some of which was very my style. We bought nothing. See? It’s possible.

I was shaming myself for sitting here, not folding laundry, not washing dishes, not even knitting…then I remembered, bitch, you got only two hours of sleep last night thanks to food poisoning. I’ve earned this lumpery.

So it’s a false flag, got it

Food poisoning is never fun, but poisoning from Thanksgiving food feels extra suck.

I made three vegetable dishes to bring to Thanksgiving. Am I a psycho or a hero?

Recently, finally, blessedly, I came to the conclusion that it’s okay that I love to sing but am not good at it. I can sing poorly around my spouse or at the grocery store and it doesn’t make me a bad person. No one has to listen, and my joy matters.

Sometimes, I just want to be a bagger at the grocery store. But like The Bagger. Who bags everything perfectly tetris-ed in and the handles will never break because I know the tensile strength of the bags to the ounce and I will load everything into your car if you’re over 60.

Is it odd that most of my favorite foods are things I make myself? Like, thinking about my death bed last meal, I’d want it to be mostly things I make. Weird, right?

That feeling when you discover that early morning you left a few sips of coffee for late morning you 🤌🤌🤌🤌

Red and Blue Composition, by Ad Reinhardt, 1941 (flipped), 📸 by Andrew Mordzynski

Man, sad sports night. I feel like my rooting for teams is a curse.

Stop this. Stop gaslighting us. There are dozens of bigger and cuter butts in MLB.

I feel like we have the opportunity to turn David Lynch's quote into this moment's "Keep Calm and Carry On" and it's a far better rallying cry too.

Nearly got creamed walking through a parking lot by a little old lady who couldn’t see over the steering wheel. Reason #789 why we should require people to retake their driving test at least every other time they renew their license.

Don't forget to NOT BUY STARBUCKS while we're on ULP strike, tomorrow and beyond! Pledge to not cross a picket line - nocontractnocoffee.org

Feeling really hopeless the last few days. Does anyone have anything that can relight my fire to fight fascism? (Also, my phone will no longer auto-suggest “fascism” when I type f-a-s-c so that’s just another thing that makes me hopeless)

"JPMorgan on Monday said building AI infrastructure will cost more than $5tn" Crazy idea: Why not, rather than spending $5 TRILLION dollars to pay for data centers to create fake brains, just pay actual human beings with real brains that same $5 trillion?

Did I time travel? Is it 2005? Am I…invested in the Pistons?

Fuck off into the sun forever, Kim Davis.

How are there still people who conduct phone calls on speaker in public anymore? Have we not shamed them into oblivion yet?

I’m gonna need Pittsburgh sports teams to unhand my favorite color. Great City, horrible evil teams. Yellow is too happy for you. You buttheads can’t have it.

Why did I read a horror comic while in a dark room? Legitimately not sleeping tonight

Okay. I’m good with a break from baseball. Fuck this result.

DETROIT CITY TAKES DOWN LULVILLE IN REGULATION!!!!!! FUCK YESSSSSSSSSSS ⚜️💛👏🫶😭

DAM puts Le Rouge up 1-0 in the first half. 😳

DEVON!!! WHY AM I CRYING?? #UTFC⚜️

Seen at a bar in New Orleans last night by my (Philly) nephew. I hope he bought this dude a drink. #Phillies #Pirates #P00P

CAM TALBOT, YOU BEAUTIFUL MAN!!!

At a pretty big national sexual violence law conference. There are, far as I can rudely assume based on gender norms, two men in attendance. “Not all men,” I know. But few men give enough of a fuck to get into the fight, it seems.

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The Red Wings are the good news I need right now.