New global crisis, new me.

April Fools aren't funny, never have been funny and never will be funny. Signed, me.

Maybe Sandro's agent could push for a move to a bigger country, like Scotland. #nufc

Shame Spurs haven't got Arsenal before the end of the season so no one can ask De Zerbi about Ze Derbi.

I dunno what they're for but man I love those square bracket things. [ ] They're fantastic.

"Cars give you so much freedom" they say, while paying a monthly fee (plus interest) on the car they'll never actually own, plus insurance, tax, maintenance, repairs and inevitable replacement, and the ever skyrocketing price of powering the thing. But, yes, freedom.

Shola's already looking up random clubs to send him to. Actually, here's a website that does it for you... randommer.io/soccer-team-... #nufc

Give us a shout if you'd like to join the American Wrestling choir on one of our next releases. It'll sound much better if it's not just me... You don't even need to come into the studio, we can make it work however. #northeastmusic #southshields #southtyneside

Worth every penny. #nufc

The Monday after the clocks change should be a bank holiday. This is a struggle.

Also, I can now "pay in three" for a takeaway. Life doesn't have to be like this. We don't all have to be broke. But if we continue to have billionaires, we do all have to be broke.

Bring back the archaic "-k" to let people know that your musick was made by the ages-old mode of actual human creativity. Also, it lets people know that your musick is sick.

wouldn't it be funny if EVERYONE blocked this Attie AI account @ bsky.app/profile/atti... before they could do anything with it

I've heard Spurs are after Jason Tindall*. #nufc

This bit in the BBC story did make me laugh: 'All MPs usually...' Mine hasn't held a single surgery to anyone's knowledge, nor does Reform have a local office, unless visits every six months to the Wetherspoon's smoking yard with his minders counts... www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Disappointing in the end. Good battling though. Feels like promotion hopes are maybe over. #nufc

81' GOAL!! Nobb's ball in causes some chaos and Oona Sevenius manages to spin onto it and slot it past the keeper. Lovely fin(n)ish! #NUFC #NUWFC #NUFCWomen

OOOOOOOONAAAAAAAAAA!!! #NUFC

At least Igor Tudor can get the crisp factory back up and running now...

Hopefully Oona can sort this one out. #nufc

It's derby day! HOWAY THE LASSES! 🙌 #NUFC #NUWFC #NUFCWomen

Smart casual for a wedding just means dressing like you're in Thrice, right? Right?

Looks like people want to tax billionaires, low bills and protect our national health service. A party that puts compassion and kindness at the centre. Join the Green Party. Join.greenparty.org.uk

It's time to see past our differences and remember what connects us. When we realise where our strength lies - in each other - that's when change happens. A powerful message from @mothinali.bsky.social: youtu.be/VPsR1hfTaAA

8 hours into my work day. Only 5 left...

It's ok everyone, there's another sale on the club shop. Get buying some gear and we'll make a real stab at 26/27 #nufc

I finally have no WhatsApp messages that require my attention. My email inbox is a very different kettle of fish though 😢 Can I have a personal assistant pls?

Looks like Sandro has a "gentleman's agreement" to leave this summer if we don't get Europe, according to Liam Kennedy. #nufc

Tbf, the way our season's gone I'm surprised that Nigel Garbage didn't have his photo taken at St. James'Park... #nufc

Post a non-religious picture you think of as holy #nufc

Has there ever been a D&D console RPG game? I feel like that might be what I need in my life.

Farage and people like him constantly talking about keeping politics out of sport then him doing a photoshoot holding an Ipswich top... Typically hypocritical from a man who will say anything for a fee.

No Salah

Immediately better than my shit

Mo Sal-Nah!...

Consumerism has ruined everything. Every. Thing.

A comparison* of our two Champions League campaign seasons so far. Currently four points off our league position from 23/24, though unlikely we finish as high as that. Worth noting we played 51 games that season, and Sunday was our 51st game of this season. #nufc

Proud of my brave (daft) bairns for wearing their #nufc kits to football tonight.

Gutted doesn't even come close to covering it. Absolutely awful. Lowest mood since 2021. 7 matches to scrape any sense of optimism back. Grateful for a break... #nufc

🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤 #nufc

At least this means we can charge a bit more when our entire team gets sold in the summer... #nufc

Things Jimmy Carr looks like: Jimmy Carr wearing a mask of his own face A bad waxwork of Jimmy Carr

Mastering much louder than I normally would because death metal.

Feels a lot like when we lost that first league cup final a few seasons ago. Well be back. Stronger. #nufc

Luckily I have a job that requires 99% of my attention when I'm doing it so I'm not able to think about anything that may or may not have happened tonight... Music music music, fingers in my ears...

I didn't see it, but I am absolutely *shocked* that #nufc didn't get a penalty from VAR... Shocked I tell you.

HE'S ONLY GONE AND SCORED ANOTHER!!!!!!! 😍 A BRACE FOR ANTHONY ELANGA AT THE CAMP NOU!!!!!!

AGAIN?! I repeat ELANGA!!!!!!!!?????!!!!!! WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE!!!!! #NUFC 🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤

ELANGA!!!!!!!!?????!!!!!! WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE!!!!! #NUFC 🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤

Beautiful mags. Massive match. Howay the lads. #nufc 🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤