Araw-araw ako nagcacrash out, di na ok to 😀

😭😭😭 was thinking of smth stupid (like preemptively dying) and then friend sent me crash out video compilation of how our week went and i cackled so hard i cried😭😭😭

crashed out so bad i got sick

aaaaaaaaaa

:< bruh im doing quick calculations with this stuff and I just hope it doesn't reach beyond 40 because omg :-------(

i crash out every single day for this thing and i'm so thankful my friends do Hannibal watch parties with me as they witness me rage quit several times in a day huhuhuhu

Sunday Rotting ™

oh crap im 😭

Pros: i got new job Cons: got the job but also during peak deadline season for other job Pros (2): it can pay my bills for two months Cons (2): i would probably end myself working on it Ahhahaha ok ery u chose the thug life ah

grabe inantok ako bigla after seeing that req

well, at least my lineart style is now consistent... for this style... (I need to see the style I should keep side by side on a second monitor to... //snorts// monitor myself)

Watch for the tail #ocs

i kinda challenged myself too hard haha

Oh my gosh silk bedsheets for this week //sighs// i am so jelly

AGHHHH

i actually kinda had a mini meltdown Friday night, that I just became non-verbal and everything was too much but hhhhhhh forced myself to get out of it so i can work through Saturday and then didn't get to sleep again and sunday then monday meltdown and theni just didn't get a break

so many ideas for horror and im just too sick again to move

i am trying to rationalize my feelings and i am mutely terrified of going back to extreme apathy that i might end myself

I slept more so my crankiness will lessen

... im trying to remember if i ate smth last night

I think my body got used to just eating once a day because i was working so hard, i just don't feel hunger much anm I sleep a lot tho. Brain stuff still happening and im just so tired.

mmmyeah

why am i always having a meltdown so bad whenever it rains that i am always just so so mmmm

ako na tatapos sa sarili ko, no need to make the world work hard to kill me nyeta

bruh bakit ba naman kasi same ng hiwa ung luya and ung karne haahha

//whines tiredly grabe parang di na ako aabutang buhay sa sabado ah

i am so exhausted wtf

im gonna throw up ;-; why do i get more work when i am literally so ill puking levels

this is depressing as fuck but being ill, my brain not getting any better, and i have a fever again, i am miserable, crying again, im so fucking tired

replayan mo na ako, or seen mo ung message ko kasi nasisiraan na ako ng bait if aabot ba hahaah

I am so excited to have this thing be over because wdym this project consumed almost a YEAR of my life managing it hahahaha

I got myself something

So much self-disgust in this mortal flesh

when my bsky is like my diary of grief

I don't think my health can take it if I lose a loved one again this year. Morbid as it sounds but I hope I go first before anyone else. I fainted the last time I lost someone and then lost so much time in my head out of grief. I was insane for months.

I burned myself out working on that illustration for days on end and I was dumb because I forgot to eat and now I have another 2 huge illustrations due next week and I'm just so tired :(((

came back from the grave for this lmao

let me just survive this week, I'll survive next week too

i keep on distancing myself from people whenever i become this angry at the world because like clockwork, i kinda spread the plague of being unlucky if I get irritated at someone in particular. it's not scientifically correct nor is it a proven causation but I still get

sometimes i wonder why do i have to be driven to literal psychotic levels before people actually do their fucking jobs, like, maybe i should have been batshit crazy and waving a machete or smth on the first day for legal reasons, this is a fictional imagery

gave up 👍 i

It's interesting how I was content with just sitting there in silence, a bland smile on my face, and just listening to people and they talk to me and I just smile and then being told I have a far away stare and it says a lot about my mental health and my i-don't-care-anymore.

i experienced life, i recommend lobotomy.

Happy Birthday Tsuna #家庭教師ヒットマンREBORN

Crashing out so bad, let me fucking die already.

I find it pretty... fascinating when I got to see an actual chart of my health deteriorating at a steady decline and the frequency of how much I have been bed ridden this year. Same with my empathy and self-preservation instincts, idk. Must be the chronic stress.

AAAA

my head hurts again 🫠 huhuhuhu aaaaaa

Big fan of male torture