FUCK 2016

My good deed for the day was getting a meeting canceled.

if I could get wrung out like a washcloth, my back will never hurt again.

It's so foggy today it looks like I'm in the Cloud District after all. Suck it, Nazeem.

Willow Nightingale is a pirate hat away from a great Gasparilla costume. #aewdynamite 🤼

THREE Days into this year and there's already An Incident. THREE DAYS.

Who has the money to light off this many damn fireworks? We have a burn ban going for fuck's sake.

they should invent a year that's better than the one before it

2025 can bite my ass. 2026 can preemptively bite my ass. 2027 is already on notice.

another robot highlight for 2025: man wearing humanoid mocap suit kicks himself in the balls

You really DO need an assortment of lights to do it right.

I currently have on blue light glasses and my hair is in a silk scarf. I feel like I'm in the cheesiest disguise.

Somewhere, somebody is more hungover than I am, but they're trying to put together a bike or dollhouse or whatever.

If anyone sends 3 spirits at me tonight, please also send why you think I have that kind of pull.

Doc Bullfrog, you smoke too tough. Your swag too different. Your bitch is too bad. They’ll kill you.

Holiday sins with secret extended cinematic universes: Monster Mash Santa Baby

I just found out my cat hates my singing. It's the season for Emmet Otter DEAL WITH IT CAT.

First to second-worst!

One day, I won't internally giggle at the word "Figma". Today is not that day. Even if I didn't know how one would Figma balls.

My Learned League wish of "I hope I don't get relegated" has now been replaced with, "just don't let me finish in last place."

I'm now "having to brace myself when I sneeze" years old.

that movie would have been way cooler if somebody went through a table, is all I'm saying. Granted, there are a lot of things that would be improved if someone went through a table...

Buffalo Bills, none of this would be happening if you let someone go through a table in that Hallmark movie.

Ethan Allen actually didn't know anything about building furniture.

Albert Einstein invented the Camel Clutch, but he called it the "give me back my lunch money", based on what he usually yelled while doing the move.

Marie Antoinette died of appendicitis

manifesting: 🕯 🕯 🕯 🕯 ai bubble 🕯 🕯 to pop disastrously 🕯 🕯 for all involved 🕯 🕯 🕯 🕯

Welp, I didn't win @littledrummerboychallenge.com this year. Mall walking got me. Oh well.

"I asked chatgpt--" Shut the fuck up. I asked the Lady of the Lake, and she said you are unworthy of the sword Excalibur. You will never be king.

Love to see the Sedgwick County Zoo putting out a good explainer on why GenAI slop videos of animals are a problem & how to identify them! It’s succinct, easy to read, and doesn’t shame people for not knowing better. A+ useful link to share with family and friends. scz.org/blog/the-rea...

Current status: The remix of Bastille's Pompeii with the guy yelling EMOTIONAL DAMAGE throughout.

I heard an ad on Dynamite start with Revolutionary War items and 'PATRIOTS!" And I got scared until I saw PBS and Ken Burns. #aew 🤼

Stinking dead end job

The older I get, the more I think the younger me who wanted to be a witch in the woods had some valid points.

if you have a billion dollars you should be legally designated a dragon and any human can adventure against you

Does it count as a thirst post if it's from someone else's account?

"Hard Rock Bet is NOT legal in Honduras, although Honduras is the home of several My Bookie servers."

On a cruise that has a stop in Belize. My goal is to get a hat or something saying "UnBELIZEable".

One of these cruises, Steve and I will be picked for the not so Newlywed game so we can make them regret picking us.

Props to that one Cardinals fan with the clown makeup. That color was SOLID.

If this Hallmark Bills movie doesn't involve someone jumping through a table, I'm going to miffed.

I bought a radio to keep my cat company. The first station that came on was playing Dreams by The Cranberries. The vibes are vibing!

kinda fucked up that the closest thing we have to billionaires patronizing truly great art and building museums and infrastructure is Tony Khan starting a wrestling promotion.

always be there

They're doing so many "what are you thankful for" things at work and it's so damn hard to not submit "your mom" or "toilet paper" or something

After an economic crash you always see headlines like What Was Everyone Thinking? What do you mean everyone, most of us are waving our arms and screaming every day, it's a handful of insanely rich assholes who aren't listening

Always nice to get a coworker to say "yeah they set your ass up" (headdesk)

Happy first day of Learned League! I look forward to getting knocked back down to D Rundle, as is tradition.