Lucky bastards

Brilliant and possibly true?

I hate to tell him, but he's not a doctor either.

Please read my latest for @mcsweeneys.net and know that I’ll be watching 🤗

It’s been sixty hours, twelve minutes, and thirty-four seconds since I asked you for notes. 👀

See, this is what the internet was made for.

Enjoying this brief moment in time when the entire city of Austin smells like mountain laurel.

A nearly forgotten piece of Tex-Mex history revived. www.texasmonthly.com/food/what-ha...

fajitas. that's just fajitas.

Netscape's original homepage

"Surely, thou canst sate thy lusts upon mine person without turning every garment I own into confetti? I look upon my shredded silks and weep, Lathaniel! My bosom heaves with anguish. And what shall support it? Not my bodices!" www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/ple...

Some crimes need to be documented. Thanks to @ericaliesalot.bsky.social and @mcsweeneys.net for doing this important work.

THE PRICEMASTER HAS SPOKEN

Ya estoy listaaaaa

Our 5th-most-read piece of 2025 is this sobering dose of reality for Generation X. www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/sig...

The Onion, 23 years ago. theonion.com/no-blood-for...

hahaha!

If you've ever played Mastermind this is maybe the best thing on @mcsweeneys.net this year. Every line is spot on. Also, I might have PTSD from every time I ever lost at this game.

"At first huff, its contents smelled like Fruity Pebbles. The kernels were speckled with brown dots, which I knew from the ingredient list were motes of 'watermelon hibiscus seasoning.' It looked like popcorn that had come down with the measles."

It is hard to put into words how this past week basically erased a decade’s worth of work to promote of acceptance of #ActuallyAutistic people and accommodate autism. But somehow Trump did more to promote fear and lies around autism than any other president. www.msnbc.com/opinion/msnb...

Hello, I'm in @pointsincase.com! If this article makes you laugh, would you mind please taking a short survey to let us know more about how you feel???????? www.pointsincase.com/articles/tha...

We hope you enjoyed your recent dining experience at Big Bill’s Fried Chicken and Margarita Patio

You've probably heard about the new congressional districts just passed by the Texas house, but have you seen the actual maps? @mcsweeneys.net @erinmcreynolds.bsky.social

But consider this is how we get Shrimp-Man. And also an into the shrimp verse that takes place across Walmarts from every universe.

Real Texas Laws starting in September: Municipal gun buy back programs are illegal, passing or enforcing red flag laws is illegal, sawed off shot guns are legal.

If I could harness the power of the army of bots following me, I could do anything.

Hi Austin, how are you?

"District 2 aims to 'Keep Austin Weird' by taking away all of its voting power. But at least urban liberals and rural conservatives now share something in common: one representative to do Trump’s bidding in Congress."

@mcsweeneys.net choosing violence 😂

Don't they know you can already buy it easily at Tractor Supply

What do real Texans think about redistricting? @erinmcreynolds.bsky.social and I let loose in @mcsweeneys.net

It was awesome working with @erinmcreynolds.bsky.social on this piece tackling our home state's wild redistricting plans!

I will never write the great American novel, but I did write the phrase "pelvis chickens" and that is enough for me. @mcsweeneys.net

Getting my annual mammogram. Check out my pro tips @mcsweeneys.net! "On the day of your exam, don’t apply deodorant or scented lotions. Also, be sure to remove any nipple piercings, nursing children, and/or tiny nipple hats."

The awesome @erinmcreynolds.bsky.social and I have a satirical cartoon in the @bostonglobe.com today about budget cuts at NOAA. We created this piece well before the devastating floods here in central Texas. I'm happy for the piece to run, but I also share it with a heavy heart. ❤️ Link in comments.

Promises made, promises kept 🫡

@mcsweeneys-feed.bsky.social net knows our pain. "Nothing makes you feel more alive than registering for an account, making a password, instantly forgetting it, and repeating the whole process for every transaction."

Hey Austin BlueSky! Here’s a list I’ve (tediously) made over the past few months of everyone I’ve seen that I *think* is a member of our fine city It’s been really cool feeling like I can stay up to date with Austin specific BlueSky, so wanted to share! #Austin #ATX #BlueSky

This is excellent!

Every. Time.

Why am I getting bombarded by new follows (many of which seem fake)?? I am not on any new starter packs that I know of. Is this happening to anyone else????

As someone who worked in an Off-Broadway box office many years ago, this is too real 😂

@kathrynbaecht.bsky.social and I had a graphic op-ed in the LA Times and 1. I can’t mumble that I “sometimes do cartoons” anymore and instead must admit I want to do this and please like me and pay me to do more, and 2. rubella only *looks* this fun.

Worried about the measles outbreak? I'm in the @latimes.com today with the brilliant Erin McReynolds asking that we please keep vaccine preventable diseases out of style.

Fantastic. And "Take Me Home, Country Roads" is an absolute banger.

I love this

I’ve been trying to write about my beautiful, complicated mother for ten years now. Grateful to @pastten.bsky.social for giving me an opportunity to dip into the complexity of our relationship. www.past-ten.com/single-post/...

I wish this @mcsweeneys.net piece by @kathrynbaecht.bsky.social didn’t ring so true, but damn. #Democrats need to get it together while there’s still time (if there’s still time).

This is brilliant