Hello, I'm in @pointsincase.com! If this article makes you laugh, would you mind please taking a short survey to let us know more about how you feel???????? www.pointsincase.com/articles/tha...

We hope you enjoyed your recent dining experience at Big Bill’s Fried Chicken and Margarita Patio

You've probably heard about the new congressional districts just passed by the Texas house, but have you seen the actual maps? @mcsweeneys.net @erinmcreynolds.bsky.social

But consider this is how we get Shrimp-Man. And also an into the shrimp verse that takes place across Walmarts from every universe.

Real Texas Laws starting in September: Municipal gun buy back programs are illegal, passing or enforcing red flag laws is illegal, sawed off shot guns are legal.

If I could harness the power of the army of bots following me, I could do anything.

Hi Austin, how are you?

"District 2 aims to 'Keep Austin Weird' by taking away all of its voting power. But at least urban liberals and rural conservatives now share something in common: one representative to do Trump’s bidding in Congress."

@mcsweeneys.net choosing violence 😂

Don't they know you can already buy it easily at Tractor Supply

What do real Texans think about redistricting? @erinmcreynolds.bsky.social and I let loose in @mcsweeneys.net

It was awesome working with @erinmcreynolds.bsky.social on this piece tackling our home state's wild redistricting plans!

I will never write the great American novel, but I did write the phrase "pelvis chickens" and that is enough for me. @mcsweeneys.net

Getting my annual mammogram. Check out my pro tips @mcsweeneys.net! "On the day of your exam, don’t apply deodorant or scented lotions. Also, be sure to remove any nipple piercings, nursing children, and/or tiny nipple hats."

The awesome @erinmcreynolds.bsky.social and I have a satirical cartoon in the @bostonglobe.com today about budget cuts at NOAA. We created this piece well before the devastating floods here in central Texas. I'm happy for the piece to run, but I also share it with a heavy heart. ❤️ Link in comments.

Promises made, promises kept 🫡

@mcsweeneys-feed.bsky.social net knows our pain. "Nothing makes you feel more alive than registering for an account, making a password, instantly forgetting it, and repeating the whole process for every transaction."

Hey Austin BlueSky! Here’s a list I’ve (tediously) made over the past few months of everyone I’ve seen that I *think* is a member of our fine city It’s been really cool feeling like I can stay up to date with Austin specific BlueSky, so wanted to share! #Austin #ATX #BlueSky

This is excellent!

Every. Time.

Why am I getting bombarded by new follows (many of which seem fake)?? I am not on any new starter packs that I know of. Is this happening to anyone else????

As someone who worked in an Off-Broadway box office many years ago, this is too real 😂

@kathrynbaecht.bsky.social and I had a graphic op-ed in the LA Times and 1. I can’t mumble that I “sometimes do cartoons” anymore and instead must admit I want to do this and please like me and pay me to do more, and 2. rubella only *looks* this fun.

Worried about the measles outbreak? I'm in the @latimes.com today with the brilliant Erin McReynolds asking that we please keep vaccine preventable diseases out of style.

Fantastic. And "Take Me Home, Country Roads" is an absolute banger.

I love this

I’ve been trying to write about my beautiful, complicated mother for ten years now. Grateful to @pastten.bsky.social for giving me an opportunity to dip into the complexity of our relationship. www.past-ten.com/single-post/...

I wish this @mcsweeneys.net piece by @kathrynbaecht.bsky.social didn’t ring so true, but damn. #Democrats need to get it together while there’s still time (if there’s still time).

This is brilliant

This is so freaking funny

I didn't publish a ton this year, but I had so much fun imagining my life in Opposite Land for @mcsweeneys.net!

Silent Night, at its core, is just a song begging a baby to sleep

Merci Gisèle! ABSOLUTE HERO and FUCK OFF to a world that only gave Dominique Pelicot 20 years for orchestrating mass rape.

Have a background in journalism? We're looking for part-time help with an upcoming project. Students are encouraged to apply. Click link for details.

www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/tip... Everything I need to know about Christmas tree decorating I learned from @kathrynbaecht.bsky.social

@mariumzahra.bsky.social's 10-year-old sister couldn’t stop asking: "Who allowed this? What about kids like me?" Starting in 2025, Bible lessons could enter Texas public schools, blurring the line between education and religion for 2.5 million students. #Texas #Education

Did a cloud of pollen descend over my house? @averytomascowx.bsky.social

Every time I read the local news and see a teacher who was awarded a $250 grant for her classroom, I understand that she spent hours of her own time applying for it. Writing it. Going through a submission process. For $250. For her classroom…

I'm fucking blasted and hanging out in the weirdest scene because history happened at a deeply inconvenient hour. so it goes.

I really wish I had $629.28 to spend on this. I have no connection to this artist--just think this is wonderful. I'll link his website in the comments.

Q: A caller said she forgot to baste every 10 minutes. I advised her to serve the turkey anyway. Was I correct? A: No. In a recent poll, 9 out of 10 people said they would rather suck on the end of a baster full of buttery juices than gnaw at a dry wing.

I know what you’re wondering. When drinking multiple glasses of gravy in one sitting, what kind of stemware do I recommend?

Cat food is over-ripe when the can peels open. Experienced cat food harvest workers know to harvest when the can is full size but still tightly closed.

"Sorry about all the crashes. In my defense, I wasn’t designed for this big a wave of new subscribers. I’m holding myself together with scotch tape, faith in a decentralized social network, and a few lines of code that Jack Dorsey thought of in the shower."

Hey y’all! I’m a comedy writer who specializes in satire about politics and pop culture, writing for sites like @newyorker.com.web.brid.gy @mcsweeneys.bsky.social and @theonion.com. Follow me for cathartic laughs in these dark times.

starter pack of everyone who agrees i can have a lil treat right now

It can be really hard to conceptualize how big Texas' population is, but here's a stat: 4.8 million Texans voted for Kamala Harris in 2024. That's more people than voted for her in New York (4.4 million).

I guess it has fallen to me, the humor columnist, to endorse Harris for president wapo.st/3UqHWRM

It doesn’t even register amid… everything else, but it’s wild that after months of fearmongering about harm to pets, he brought the woman who bragged about shooting her own dog to close the deal in a crucial swing state.