I have no smart appliances or devices in my home. I truly believe my house should be as dumb as its occupant (me)

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ngl i feel like half the species can’t be the issue here

“Ezra Klein nonsense” has me ROLLING

Live your life in such a way that millions of people won’t meme your death with joy

For the first time in so long, I don’t have baseball to watch. I’m like the fish at the end of finding Nemo. Ok what now?

THE LOS ANGELES DODGERS ARE THE 2025 #WORLDSERIES CHAMPIONS! #CHAMPS

This was one of the best World Series of all time. It had everything. 18 innings. A starting pitcher that was on base 9 times. The bullpen coming out. An almost fight. 11 innings. YAMAMOTO pitching two days back to back. I’m so proud of the dodgers. INCREDIBLE!!!!

Every November @setherubin.bsky.social & I do a writing contest to see who can write more. Previous year? He kicked my ass. He’s the reigning champ, but this is the year! I am the underdog, sure but put in my coach. Please imagine the little asthmatic kid getting ready to do physical 100. LET’S GO

Welcome to November 1st. The Halloween people are weeping as they refuse to take down pumpkins, the thanksgiving turkey obsessives are pouring over recipes, the Christmas people have already been playing Mariah Carey for a month. This is the most chaotic time of the year. It’s glorious.

My ancestor the first cell that absorbed mitochondria: have you tried absorbing mitochondria??? Having a new powerhouse is AWESOME [cell equivalent of fist pump]

MOOKIE BETTS!!!

Plants: w-what do you mean climate change is too woke? www.nature.com/articles/d41...

me when it’s 12 minutes into game 5 and the jays hit back to back homers

The after 18 innings for your home team in the World Series should automatically be a holiday

The Chicago sports beef runs deeper than religion. And as a former Chicagoan and cubs fan, lol yesssss.

FREEMAN FOR THE WIN. I AM SO TIRED. BLESSINGS TO THE DODGERS. I AM NOT MAKING MY 6AM WRITING GROUP AM I?

The dodgers couldn’t let the blue jays out fruit platter them. That’s petty and I approve of this on a molecular level.

If this goes to the 19th inning of the World Series, we get to relive 2015

TOP OF THE 18TH INNING

When I said I wanted to watch more baseball, this isn’t what I meant

Personally I think Obama should run again as vice president. I bet Fox News would think that’s soo cuteeee!

Walking into a Home Depot and I immediately get 10 offers for help in whatever capacity I need. It’s like the employees can sense I’ve never held a miter saw before.

Yamamoto holy shit that was a GAME

“We don’t need him” - yalls please. The blue jays would’ve taken him in a heartbeat. This is just jilted ex talk

Booing the Dodgers: understandable Booing the US anthem: FAIR Booing the imperial system: pffft what even is “a mile” Booing Shohei Ohtani: HELL NO LISTEN UP

For the first time in my life, I demanded my husband turn the tv on for baseball. I got myself a drink, and said outloud “I am to be left alone for the game.” What’s happening here? I feel like I just became a 45 year old man. Do I have to buy cargos pants now? Post a picture of me holding a fish?

Someone online once told me they considered all video game graphics as pure utility, and therefore it wouldn’t matter if AI took over. And I can’t wait for them to try these AI video games. Boy will they be glad all the humans left the industry! Boy will they love the game play!

Happy Dodgers World Series day 1 to all those who celebrate. Make sure you decorate your tree for Mookie and put a carving of Freddie in front your door. And don’t forget the plate of Shohei cookies. We gotta keep the traditions alive, etc.

Economists: giant business mergers are bad because oligarchies and lack of competition Nytimes: well see here, this is just one little guy trying to hang out w another little guy to make a slightly bigger guy!

heartbroken to learn the pope sympathizes with the poor. how can i continue to believe in god

Me watching devil may cry: this is fun and has attitude AND OH MY GOD IS THAT PAPA ROACH??? [middle school ptsd]

Me while writing a pilot: I will never complain about writing a novel again Me while writing a novel: I will never complain about writing a play again Me while writing a play: I will never complain about writing a pilot again Me while writing a pilot: ok so listen-

中秋節快樂! Jung chow jit fai lock! Happy Mid-Autumn Festival!!

The new Queen of the Ocean was so inspired by Ursula the Sea Witch, she could not wait to see what new ocean havoc she could wreck.

Going to buy 100 copies of this and throw it at everyone who keeps saying “I used chaptgpt because I wanted to check the spell-“

I love gambling and yet I am horrible at it so I make my friends listen to me prattle on about it for over an hour!!

Can’t wait for someone to try a “your honor, my mom took Tylenol when pregnant and that’s why i cant be held accountable for murder” defense

can’t believe the rapture happened and i still have to work on this screenplay

Disney adults canceling subscriptions, vacations, etc really are making the Harry Potter adults that threw a fit over a $60 video game look like huge bitches

Waking up on your couch with your hand in a potato chip bag hits differently in your 30s

It’s not about if jimmy kimmel is funny, or if his show is good. This is about what can you say on a medium that’s owned by very few people. We are not debating the quality of a show or a comedian. We are debating the first amendment rights for people to say anything.

The following is a statement from the WGA on ABC’s decision to pull ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live!’

Holy shit 87.7% of Americans died last year???

south korea is reacting to its citizens being illegally detained and tortured the way i thought other countries would react to its citizens being illegally detained and tortured

I’m not white so I will not be investigating any noises, basements, attics, cemeteries, and will be putting back any artifacts I find immediately. I leave in act 1 as the warning character. Because i already have intergenerational curses at home. Good night.

About to add a new line item to my monthly budget