Providence: the last outpost of the pizza belt. Behind me, a lush landscape of red sauce, pepperoni, and mozzarella. Ahead of me--a pizzaless wasteland. I pray that I have enough crazy bread to make it to Boston.

When Trump raves about how great everything is going he's not lying or being demented, he's just talking to rich people. That's America to him. He doesn't even know the rest of us exist.

The Princess Bride is actually my least favorite Rob Reiner thing. I never wanted to say that while he was alive because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. But now all bets are off.

This guy is going to wake up in the middle of the Pacific floating in his seat like "What the fuck?!"

And now ladies and gentlemen, heeeeeeeeere's the N word!

Me eating the Amazon delivery person because (A) They invaded my perimeter (B) There's nothing on Amazon that says I *can't* eat their delivery people.

Ragú Unveils Sensory Deprivation Marinara Tank https://theonion.com/ragu-unveils-sensory-deprivation-marinara-tank/

Has the shining and is currently experiencing a vision of how this all ends

I didn't know Jeffrey Epstein used to be Eric Bogosian

Oh God. I mean...yay.

Everyone reading the Epstein files on Friday

it annoys me no end when people let their dogs roam the streets with no owner to be seen

we know gods who use subtext they're all cowards

Weird way to find out that Popeye is canonically Jewish

RIP Tony Geary. General Hospital wasn't one of my mom's "stories" so I was never subjected to Luke & Laura fever. So all I can say is RIP Professor Milo from UHF.

Here's to the shittiest Christmas ever

I can assure you anyone who is still a "fan" of this guy wasn't the least bit repulsed. www.rawstory.com/trump-reiner/

Rob Reiner did a ton of great work, but everyone has their favorites.

Holy shit nypost.com/2025/12/14/u...

Unexpectedly heavy snowfall. Caught off guard with only some milk and no bread. This may be my last message.

New kink discovered: forced scrapbooking

And God said "let there be lump!"

Well fuck me for trying to have a secret identity.

Did anyone have this? Did the goose indeed speak? I never got Christmas gifts. Mother said they encouraged dissoluteness

Look who tied the knot! Well, technically they were zip ties, but he got her all the same!

Koopa Coins!

One or more of her kids is going to have so much telekinetic power

Oh hi Donald. I've been waiting for you. We've all been waiting for you.

Woody?! YOU?!

Speak for yourself! I'm a high-roller!!

They call them heroes for a reason

Happy Friday the 12th.

Newly Unsealed Batch Of Epstein Estate Photos Contains Rare Holographic Dershowitz

They radicalized Weird Al!! popularresistance.org/us-solidarit...

How can I stay mad at him?

Remember when wars needed a reason?

Handy tip for drawing fabric folds, which is almost as tricky as drawing horses.

Oh my stars, they weren't kidding! It's a veritable hub of pornography!

Yeah, kids today have high-tech phones, but do they have Duran Duran: The Board Game?

your dead AI mother loves you so much ❤️

Cramming a tiny speaker into your ear right up against your eardrum can't be a good thing, can it?

Happy hump day! Another week is half over!

Windmills are already receiving death threats.

“Gimme all the shoddy jugs with XXX printed on em and nobody gets hurt”

Me an hour after promising my doctor that I would avoid bright light and spiders.