TV conspiracies: we’ve hacked their computers but they’ve perfectly cleaned up the evidence! Real conspiracies: To: conspirator From: famous person Attachment: evidence.png

Took a break from making worm costumes to participate in democracy! Use it or lose it!

While most people are packing away their costumes, I’m finishing up a couple worms just in time for tech week. If you’re in the D/FW area, love dirty jokes, and hate cancer, come see what the worms and the rest of @thefoldingchairs.bsky.social doing next weekend at The Core Theatre in Richardson!

Replacing RING today. Companies that support ICE don’t get my money.

And a new sketch from @thefoldingchairs.bsky.social! We’re not saying that this is the origin story of the game, but we’re not not saying that either. youtu.be/Eo_CZvTKVlU

Getting garlic in the ground today in zone 8b! This variety is a personal fave for its intense flavor. 🌱

This is the way, y’all.

Shout out to the top 5 kings in the world, Martin Luther, Larry, Don, Stephen and Americans don't have a motherfuckin'.

Morning glory doing its glorious thing in true blue. 💙🌱

November is on the way, which means one thing in my world- our annual F☠️ck Cancer Benefit show!

Checked my horoscope. It just said “Nope.”

What a weird-ass Rapture. Only the Constitution disappeared.

I’m gonna start a cooking show where I make recipes I’ve never tried. I’m gonna call it 30 Minutes My Ass.

Sometimes you can avoid the problem, and sometimes the problem avoids you! #sketchcomedy

Texas voters, Texas removed 100k voters from the voter rolls. Please spread the word and check your registration and re-register if necessary. thehill.com/homenews/484...

If I had harvested a day or two earlier, I wouldn’t have had to cut it out from between the bars. Yes- it’s a depressing analogy about how our nation had a chance to choose an intelligent woman instead of a racist dictator. But here we are; you, me, the cucumber, and the country. 🌱#zone8b

There’s been an update to Mike’s GoFundMe. Please read, share, and/or donate if you can. ❤️ gofund.me/4004726d

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a fashion designer. While this is less haute couture and more haute dog, I’m still really happy with how they came out! @thefoldingchairs.bsky.social

I hope there’s a Swedish couple out there who want to adopt me!

My free time consists of-

If you didn’t know already, @ericvale.bsky.social is a very funny man, and will be funny on stage this weekend at The Core Theatre in Richardson, TX! #EricVale #OnePiece #DBZ #MyHero

We should be rehearsing for our live show next week, but instead we’re making yall more content because we love making yall laugh. So laugh. A lot. #comedy #sketchy #lol #gordonramsay

It’s me! I’ve learned how to make a hot dog costume! And most of my lines! Show runs August 15th-17th!

CARTOON OF THE DAY 🇺🇸

Settle a debate for us. Is this Folding Chairs: Mom and Dad OR Mommy and Daddy 👀 (Either way get tickets to see them live in August!) #ericvale #sketchcomedy #lol #sketchy #dallasevents #dallascomedy

🎤 LIVE COMEDY SHOW ALERT 🕺 Sketches. 🎭 Characters. 🌭 Existential Hot Dogs. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll say, “Why am I emotionally invested in a sentient bratwurst?” And honestly, same. Tickets: www.onthestage.tickets/show/the-cor... #comedy #dallasfunny #sketchcomedy #dallasevents

Time to shoot some video auditions with Folding Chairs #comedy #auditions #sketchcomedy

This is my Monday energy. #sketchcomedy

A star is born!

Of course we have BBQ comedy. It’d be weird if we didn’t.

Make no mistake: Alligator Alcatraz IS a concentration camp, and they absolutely ARE planning genocide and ‘ethnic cleansing.’ As a white person, i don’t know what I can do to help, but if all I have is my voice, I will make sure it’s heard.

We were gonna parcel these out like cookies on a diet, but why wait when we have content this funny? MORE SHORT FORM VIDEO CONTENT COMING AT YOU! (And we’ve got more coming soon) #comedy #sketch #ryangosling

(Whisper screaming) It’s here!

We have an announcement!! Get ready for shorts! No, not gym shorts… but short form content. We are so excited to bring you quick laughs while you wait for our long form content on our website and YouTube Channel. Follow us on our social media to get access to these exclusive sketches!

This is who runs this account.

This is the casino level of my bug hotel. When it rains, this cool fungus pops up. 🌱 #Zone8b

Threw away my Palin/Voldemort 2012 t-shirt today. I was always nervous that someone might not read carefully and would think I legit voted for Palin when wearing it.

Covered the old greenhouse frame in netting, hoping that the loofah and squash will shade the tomatoes from the worst of the Texas heat. 🌱 #Zone8b

Pickles coming soon!

First time growing petunias from seed, and they did not disappoint! This is superbissima giant rose, sewn indoors Feb. 19. 🌱🌵

This could be you. Instead of doom scrolling, enjoy some of our free hilarious YouTube sketches. #sketchy #sketchcomedy #lol #stream #youtube

Whoever decided that all modern hotels should have glass doors on the bathroom should have a picture of themself on the toilet plastered on billboards nationwide.

My first blue Hubbard squash! 🌱

I wrote this for the Moms! I see you! #HappyMothersDay

I swear Breck’s goes harder on their advertising when it’s raining. Or How I justified ordering six lipstick blond hostas. 🌱🌵

Turns out there are 2 of them, and watching them watch me is my new favorite hobby!

We have a baby owl!!!

In my mind, every tech company has 2 employees. Employee 1 wants to add loopydoops to the snickerfizzles, so your friends check your bleekle. Employee 2 is my age, and just keeps begging Employee 1 to please for the love of God, stop.

“I asked ChatGPT to do…” Nothing. Because I’m a writer. I’m THE writer. I’m damn sure not letting a program that isn’t even capable of having a favorite band write my jokes for me.

The prettiest things in the yard today- oak leaf hydrangeas. 🌱