Saw ABBA Voyage last night and it was fucking mind-blowing. Need to go again and watch it on drugs.

A fitting emblem of that game.

Off you pop, cunt

World Cup final being in broad daylight feels like coming out of an afters into a bright sunny morning. Revolting

Last ever hydration break

I don’t think there is a better example of America’s decline as a cultural power than this World Cup. They think this bombastic desecration of the game is somehow impressive. The rest of the world just thinks they’re cunts

Sorry to say Miss Piggy has demeaned herself here

Cannot tell you how much I pine for the dawn chorus of “you’re gonna get your fucking heads kicked in”

Reminder that Pele was a jaffer who couldn’t get a hard on. Never even managed a thousand wanks.

What time is Olly Murs on

“New York New Jersey Stadium” 🤝 “London Southend Airport”

Kick off is six minutes late because of this drivel.

four hours’ sleep, a totally unjustified three pint hangover, kids have been up since 5am and I’ve got them all day. Also need to do a big shop and sort out a minimum of two clothes washes

We should make a giant effigy of Maradona being sodomised by Captain Tom on the Falkland Islands and burn it every year, Lewes-style

Tuchel has absolutely fucked that

If we can hold this until 80 minutes I think we can get the water slide out

apologies. He’s fucking great isn’t he

Homer Born Slippy when it comes home Homer Starlight when we lose the final on penalties Homer Break Stuff when the Guehi equaliser is overruled by VAR tomorrow

Subjected to a horrendous couple who loudly worked through their PowerPoint on my 6:45am train. They both left their Huel bottles and single use coffee cups behind on the table. Hope he audibly and visibly shits himself in the middle of the meeting.

Naturally, my children woke up at 5:30 this morning

Now show these knobs how to fucking row

Three lines up my nose Jules Rimet still gleaming

Infantino looks like a scrotum pulled over the bottom of an egg

Under 6s football training this morning soundtracked by Aphex’s ‘Windowlicker’. Quite a surreal vibe

You’re telling me that it’s a balmy July Friday, Anne Widdecome has been murdered, and I’m still expected to deliver shareholder value?

This is the end result of gutting newsroom staff and no longer having subeditors. Can’t believe this typo made it through to the headline - it’s actually spelt “cunt”

Unbelievable gear

I never had a teacher believe in me like this.

Happy Meldrew Point Day, Sean Paul! Today you are 19,537 days old and have reached your Meldrew Point - the age of Richard Wilson on the day One Foot In The Grave was first aired on Jan 4, 1990. I don’t believe it!

Not saying that game was stolen from Egypt but it is now on display at museum in London.

FIFA = paedophiles

Gonna turn Ultra HD on for Ronaldo’s tears.

West Ham kit launch has a real nonce sting video feel to it. “So Jarrod, you’ve come here today to meet someone who you think is a Premier League chairman…”

Popeye the sailorman does oral

Can only assume that the Djed Spence Penitentiary is a Cat D open prison

Bluey chair about to get lobbed across the front room here

Having to put a shirt on for Teams calls is not the one.

As if these hydration breaks couldn’t get any worse, they are now playing a heinous edit of Thunderstruck. This is a hate crime

Gordon extending his Diana tribute act by clattering into players like Henri Paul

Honking at the shirtless mannequin giving it a Tom Of Finland energy. Seller is clearly a big Ernst Rohm guy. Also, dying to see what’s on that PowerPoint

Hydration break

I’ve seen sofas carried into a front room with more movement than Lukaku.

Hydration break

Tell you what, an American crowd singing along to a frankly deafening Living On A Prayer during a “hydration break”….give Iran the nukes now

Insanely powerful photo of Ancelotti

Muppet The Wasp Factory

Elite bumper sticker 👌🏻