#ASongOrMovieForFamousCartoons Rita,Sue and SpongeBob Too

My wife has just come home with one of those things that tests your blood pressure. her mother!

I’m known as the sex bomb because I’ve got a two inch fuse and explode very quickly.

#ICanBeAnnoyingWhen Getting to hashtag games late.

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Task-To enquire in Yorkshire

Curling is of course INCREDIBLY technical but all you hear the mic'd players say is things like "have a look at this, what you reckon?" and then another one goes "yeah, tricky" with a broom in his hand.

Today we hear the story legendary British blues guitarist Slim McGee who, according to legend, once met the Devil at a roundabout.

#ASongOrMovieForFamousCartoons There's Something About Mary, Mungo and Midge

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Lucozade- Assistant to the Little Britain star

I was a teenager when my Dad suddenly moved the family to a house at the bottom of a mountain It took me ages to get over it. #LunchPun #Humoursky

I got an e-mail from a Nigerian Prince today. It’s nice when international tribute acts take the time to drop you a line.

This Valentine's day I'm treating my Wife with a visit to a Spa She usually just shops in Co-op. #Humoursky #ValentinesDay

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Infantry-A young tree

#ASongOrMovieForValentinesDay26 Die Card

Top Tip. Save money on expensive noise cancelling headphones by putting a blank tape in an old walkman and turning it up to maximum volume.

My mum won't leave the house on Friday 13th as she was worried something might happen. Paranoid? Yeah, coz he had to do the school run.

My Girlfriend asked me to wear a lab coat in the bedroom I think she's wanting to experiment sexually. #Humoursky

If you see this, post a character that starts with the letter K.

Despite months of planning a bank robbery I forgot to deactivate the exploding dye pack. Boy was I red-faced.

#IfIEarnedPenniesForMyThoughts I probably wouldn't have a lot of money

My parents have zero tolerance for drugs. So they do get very high.

Ruin a film by changing one letter: The C*nt For Red October

I don't like spending money,so I bought a mirror from Temu People say it reflects badly on me. #LunchPun #Humoursky

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Ring Pull-What you do when your underwear rides up.

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Ring Binder- Imodium

#TodayIsFatThursdaySo don't ridicule people buying margarine, because that's low fat shaming.

#ASongOrMovieAllAboutWeight Rita Sue And Blob Too

Waiting in for a washing machine delivery. Can it be anymore fun than this.

#ASongOrMovieForAllAboutWeight The Pound of Music

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Peerage-Length of time the promenade has been built.

🚨 Jeff and I have AN ANNOUNCEMENT 🚨

I bought a self assembly bookcase but it didn’t work so I had to make it myself.

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Parcel-Colin's Dad

As a child, my Dad caught me doing Card tricks behind the garage. As a punishment he made me guess the whole pack.

#ClothesIDontliketoWear A Tea shirt, I'm more of a coffee drinker

#ASongOrMovieForPlantBasedFood The Quorn Identity

My driving instructor said you should always keep both hands on the steering wheel at ten to two, so at any other time it’s okay to drive one handed.

When porn was available on DVD I splashed out on a new player The bloke at Curry's was livid. #LunchPun #Humoursky

When I worked as a barman and I dropped a glass people cheered, When I worked as a waiter and I dropped a plate people clapped, But when I worked as a pall bearer...

I saw a sign at the opticians. ‘Children should not be left without supervision’ I thought if they had that they wouldn’t be in the opticians.

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Bison-Offspring who swings both ways

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Chalet-Do you think I should?

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Bison-Reply to "See you Dad"

Down Among The Z Men was on TPTV this morning and I missed it thank GOD

When my Dad found out I’d been sneaking out at night to go to clown school he soon wiped the smile off my face.

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Display-What a theatre critic does

#PorkDishesInASongOrMovie Bring Me The Hock Of Alfredo Garcia

#PorkDishesInASongOrMovie Brawn of the Dead

#PorkDishesInASongOrMovie Bacon Air