Call me Al Farm
@eggforbread.bsky.social
📤 698
📥 676
📝 526
Egg and bread aficionado
I didn't think it would be, but me dishing out the cards when we play poker is ideal.
#Lunchpun
about 2 hours ago
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I was surprised by the price of refreshments when I visited Niagara Falls, but I guess they've got you over a barrel.
#Lunchpun
1 day ago
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I used to be terrible at DIY until I contracted leprosy and now I'll throw my hand at anything.
#Lunchpun
5 days ago
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reposted by
Call me Al Farm
Richard Pulsford
6 days ago
Watts this number on the light bulb?
#LunchPun
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My home made gin is taking forever. Maybe I shouldn't have put it in the sloe cooker.
#Lunchpun
6 days ago
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I just want to scream and shout and get rid of this Labour leader. Blare out? No, he was ages ago.
#Lunchpun
7 days ago
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My friend Rita has developed a new scent and has asked me to suggest a good name. I said Eau de Rita will be a shoo in.
#Lunchpun
8 days ago
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I've found that the grass at the summit of Everest is manageable, if you keep on top of it.
#Lunchpun
9 days ago
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My snooker playing friend from Birmingham always has his hand a long way from the cue ball. Long bridge? No, Selly Oak.
#Lunchpun
12 days ago
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If you're going to slag off a Greek Island, please be diss crete.
#Lunchpun
13 days ago
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Stuffed animals with long necks make excellent giraffe excluders.
#Lunchpun
14 days ago
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My local Spanish arena was quickly demolished while the bull dozed.
#Lunchpun
15 days ago
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I'm at Land's End, trying out the locals' famous anise flavoured spirit, and to be honest, I don't know what all the fuss is about Cornish Pastis.
#Lunchpun
16 days ago
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One's attempt to exorcise the ghost from one's castle has failed. It's back to scare one, I'm afraid.
#Lunchpun
19 days ago
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I prefer food that isn't sweet. Savoury? Oh, I prefer food that isn't very sweet.
#Lunchpun
20 days ago
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I heard that the government has deployed the army to the railways in a West London district. At Acton stations? No, I think they're just on manoeuvres.
#Lunchpun
21 days ago
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I take offence when people mispronounce the crossing spanning the Humber. Umbrage? Don't you start.
#Lunchpun
23 days ago
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My cunning plan to build one bed on top of another has been debunked.
#Lunchpun
26 days ago
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reposted by
Call me Al Farm
Max
2 months ago
I have published a giant compundium of jokes! It contains jokes from my previous mini books, plus hundreds more (about 900 in total). Available on Kindle or in hard copy versions...
amzn.eu/d/05cmv8LU
Please share if you'd be so kind...
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I'm getting tired of sleeping in.
#lunchpun
27 days ago
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Call me Al Farm
John-Paul
28 days ago
Not many people know that the only difference between a graveyard and a cemetery is that a cemetery must have an equal number of bodies on both sides.
#LunchPun
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If someone is talking rowlocks, it's best not to stick your oar in.
#Lunchpun
28 days ago
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I've set up a hospital for stray cats under canvas, which is a kind of vets to all in tents and poor pusses.
#Lunchpun
29 days ago
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The climbers on my Everest expedition were split up into three gangs. Lots of people wanted to be in Gang Red and Gang Blue, not so many in Gang Green.
#Lunchpun
about 1 month ago
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Every time I watch King Kong, I'm terrified he's going to plummet to the ground and squash loads of people. Ape will fall? No, I'm genuinely terrified.
#Lunchpun
about 1 month ago
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I've finally come to the conclusion that wearing deodorant is beneficial for everyone that meets me. Eureka! Not any more!
#Lunchpun
about 1 month ago
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I'm in the Elmdale Township looking to play the new fast paced racket sport, but I can't seem to find a court. Looks like I'm up Schitt's Creek without a padel.
#Lunchpun
about 1 month ago
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There appears to be some charred remains of an evil monster in my meal. Ghoul ash? No, beef stroganoff.
#Lunchpun
about 1 month ago
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My mate insists on leaving his clothes in a damp wardrobe, and they're beginning to smell. Musty? Yes, I'm afraid he must.
#Lunchpun
about 1 month ago
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When I was the boss at an engine manufacturer we had to lay a lot of workers off. I was firing on all cylinders.
#Lunchpun
about 1 month ago
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This freezing cold jelly is giving me the chivers.
#Lunchpun
about 1 month ago
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Quite a few football stadiums have hotels onsite, like this one. Stadia. No, not at this one.
#Lunchpun
about 1 month ago
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Trump is such a terrible President, I mean, he hasn't exactly set the world alight...
#Lunchpun
about 2 months ago
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I don't like alloumi, afod or arzer, and that's why I like to drop my hate cheese.
#Lunchpun
about 2 months ago
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I'm not a fan of these new ads for prosthetic arms and legs, just a bit too sublimbinal.
#Lunchpun
about 2 months ago
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The chiefs at the BBC have called for the likes of Corbett and Barker to revive their comedy scene. More Rons? They're not the brightest, no.
#Lunchpun
about 2 months ago
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When I was at med school, my tutor accidentally tried to draw blood from an artery, so I continued in a similar vein.
#Lunchpun
about 2 months ago
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What noise does my dog make when it gets on a ship? Umm, barks? Oh ok, what noise does my dog make when it embarks on a ship?
#Lunchpun
about 2 months ago
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After I finally admitted to standing on the tube of toothpaste, my wife said "Oh, it's all coming out now".
#Lunchpun
about 2 months ago
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My wife has told me I need to get fitter, so I've started secretly going up into the loft to lift a heavy trunk. Attic box exercise? No, I really mean it this time.
#Lunchpun
about 2 months ago
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I was casually discussing the careers of Ronnie Corbett and Danny DeVito with my colleague when my boss came along and said enough of this small talk.
#Lunchpun
about 2 months ago
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My innovative pneumatic drill design is ground breaking.
#Lunchpun
about 2 months ago
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It was pouring with rain, and Johnny Nash was struggling to cross a beach infested with langoustine. When it stopped, he said... "I can see clearly now the rain has gone, I can see all lobster claws in my way."
#Lunchpun
2 months ago
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I've a horrible feeling our upcoming camping trip is going to be a disaster. Portent? Yes, it leaks when it rains.
#Lunchpun
2 months ago
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My workmate has failed to turn up again today, I don't think he can sink much further. Nadir? No, he's definitely not here.
#Lunchpun
2 months ago
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I've just seen a picture of Elvis smoking a cigar. Castella? No, Presley.
#Lunchpun
2 months ago
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David Beckham is considering what to do with Brooklyn as he flies him back from the US. Jet his son? Probably not that drastic.
#Lunchpun
2 months ago
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I'm watching a film about a German U-Boat but I've no idea what it's called because there are no subtitles.
#Lunchpun
2 months ago
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They fired the waiter who poured gravy onto my sweet. I think he got his jus desserts.
#Lunchpun
2 months ago
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One more routine at the gym and then I'm off to the Doctors' Annual Dinner and Dance. Medicine Ball? No, weights.
#LunchPun
2 months ago
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