Bears defense:

I don't know what 6-7 means but I once 8 a 9.

They've got something on Marge.

The two sides of me.

Happy payday.

@aoc.bsky.social You're on the wrong side of this Hakeem primary. Dude's a weak, feckless whore for AIPAC and it took him a decade to give a tepid endorsement of Mamdani. We need dems with the balls to fight fascism and he ain't it. Way to walk through the door and then close it behind you. #L

Uploading Cheney's funeral to PornHub.

Impeach the motherfucker.

Time is a flat circle.

I once brewed a beer with some taproom staff and I named it Group Thing. While the bartenders thought it was because it was a group effort, it was really named that because they were all fucking each other.

Grown ass men digging through sealed cases of Hot Wheels they ripped out of a still-wrapped pallet at 9pm in Walmart. Resellers are human garbage.

Every space should be jail.

Keep the batboys away.

If there's just one reason to be glad he's president right now, it's that we all get to witness his physical and mental decline in realtime. Just look at this miserable, exhausted, demented piece of shit. He's cooked.

Now do healthcare for all, you fucking scumbags.

The White House press corps are the biggest bunch of fucking pussies on this planet.

Gonna be impossible to hide this one in the house...

Once again it's on.

I want to beat the fuck out of this kid's parents. Both of them.

Can’t happen fast enough. Have you filed your claims?

When the opening notes of "Born to Be Wild" came on during an 80s movie, you knew shit was about to go down.

He'll be alt-right.

WILL SOMEONE IN PHILADELPHIA GET THAT FUCKING PLASTIC DRINK LID OFF THE FIELD

Whatever keeps the Quebec plates off the road down here.

Not every movie needs its own popcorn bucket.

The physical comedy in this one felt straight out of the early 90s #SNL

Che and Jost destroyed tonight. Diabolical stuff, felt like they channeled Norm.

Goodwill gold.

They’re calling Megyn Kelly “Megyn R. Kelly" now.

Imagine if Hillary snuck the beej emails in there just to humiliate the two men she hates most.

37. My president sucked 37 dicks.

Can't believe they let clankers in here.

Killed a fly on the side of the mash tun and left its smashed corpse stuck to the side as a warning to the others.

Let's reopen an investigation into a hoax? OK.

The Megan Kelly Goalpost Removal Company always gets the job done. Call 1 (800) GASLIGHT for your estimate today

Meanwhile, convicted sex trafficker and rapist Ghislaine Maxwell is petting her new puppy while ordering Ruth's Chris on DoorDash as an interior decorator shows her color swatches for remodeling her cell.

This and Outkast's first album blaring from Cerwin Vega subwoofers in the trunk would fix me.

At this point I need a self-driving car simply so I can focus all my energy on giving other drivers dirty looks.

About to teach someone how to get in through the passenger side.

Does Ghislaine's puppy have an Instagram yet?

You guys have this Epstein thing all wrong. It's Ep-STINE.

Coffee cubes and Coke Zero. Get with the program.

Good morning and go fuck yourselves @schumer.senate.gov @hakeem-jeffries.bsky.social Resign, you feckless sons of bitches.

Goodnight, cheesedicks. 🐻TF⬇️

I'm not rooting for the Eagles to win, I'm simply rooting for the Packers to lose.

@durbin.senate.gov Thanks, DICK.

Ugh, Philly vs Green Bay tonight. Where's Bane when you need him?