Oh look, one like! Time to commit war crimes!

What's up homeboy homies, Pete Hegseth here! If I see one whole whopping like, I'm gonna bomb Venezuela fisherman. If they survive, they can still win on a DraftKings Sponsored parley! If they survive and miss....👎 Extrajudicial execution. Tune in next week on FOX's series "War Criminal" Tuesdays @8

"Strong bottom, no top" - Hakeem Jeffries

I'm slightly further into uncovering what the phrase "strong floor no ceiling" means or what it's referencing.

The debate: "Hey you guys, this could be aliens" "Shut the fuck up Avi Loeb, no one likes you"

Fellow Earth humans! Of course aliens don't exist, this is a human drawing commonly depicted as a "comic" do not look further into this.

According to Gemini, drunk driving was invented in 1794 by DUIght D. Eigenvalue.

Reports that ICE are disguising their cars with UBER stickers on their vehicles.

That's because water boils at 100 degrees in Europe. In America, it has to go all the way up to 212 degrees before it boils. 😂

I'm a centrist because my understanding of US politics is "Republicans are better for the economy."

ℑ𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔊𝔯𝔦𝔪 𝔇𝔞𝔯𝔨𝔫𝔢𝔰𝔰 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔉𝔞𝔯 𝔉𝔲𝔱𝔲𝔯𝔢, 𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝔦𝔰 𝔒𝔫𝔩𝔶 𝔐𝔬𝔦

Oh cool, creating a strawman out of the arbiters of the law by disregarding their arbiter status. Nothing to see here folks, just making the law political and therefore polarizing and therefore a statement and therefore "facts* and therefore "made up." Party of law and order, everyone!

I think in the next couple days we're gonna see a lot of R's quit over "kitchen table issues" discussed over the thanksgiving kitchen table.

every day logging on is a race to get a dumb joke off before you read the most terrifying news you’ve ever heard

Ahh yes, the well defined and totally not made up on the spot definition of third world countries. I'm sure this won't be problematic at all.

Embarrassed That’s the best description of my response for America’s action under Trump. Just completely, shamefully embarrassed by America - in every arena that Trump has influenced. He is an embarrassment.

I was expecting him to respond, "Now why would I do that?" so I'm pleasantly surprised

Does this motherfucker have a porcelain doll of Tom Sawyer?

I'm heartbroken to find out that since the statute of limitations on perjury is 5 years, Brett Kavanaugh can no longer be indicated for telling the senators that boofing is "flatulence."

Hello fellow Earth humans! I want to wish a happy thanksgiving! Enjoy your turkey which JD Vance thinks is disgusting. Be happy and full of shit! www.independent.co.uk/tv/news/than...

John Krupinsky is a snake. Look at that motherfuckin face. Snake, through and through.

Trump doesn't know who he granted asylum to. He didn't know he pardoned the Binance CEO. He doesn't know which animals were in his super special IQ test that he got the best results. He forgot he was meeting w/ Bolsanaro, on the day he would be imprisoned. He doesn't know he's cooked. Vote Ted Cruz!

Edgar Allen Poe? More like Edgar Allen Poser amirite?

Hello it is me, Moscow Washington. I am here to collect my $300 billion.

I swear every Jesse Walters clip is him spewing homo-erotic fantasy on TV. "Pete Hegseth is going use his muscular arms to spank Mark Kelly into being his little submissive twink and punish him like the bad boy he is."

Truck question: Trump is covering up his own crimes as they relate to Epstein.

This regime is really bad at being the Mafia that they're trying to emulate. By changing policy so that department heads have to sign off on everything, the bosses are micromanaging themselves into a prison sentence.

Turns out a regime that protects pedophiles and human traffickers does other bad things 😲

Haha Domino's

So glad to see Newsom finally standing up for people who are transitioning.

I was digging out my old emails and came across an email from @garmin.com that said I was going to be charged the next day for a renewal that I cancelled a while back. What a piece of shit company.

That turkey frequented Epstein's parties.

Hello fellow American humans! War with Venezuela is critical to National Security! And by national security, I mean my bank account.

Rep. Salazar on Venezuela: "We're about to go in ... we need to go in ... Venezuela for the American oil companies will be a field day"

Hey Grok, I was at this party and I wanted to give a le epic roast to this woman, so I asked you and I told her "Quiet Piggy"

I have endorsed Grok for president.

Grok, roast my freaking wife🤣🤣

Warhammer 40K universe is looking relatively better and better by the day.

The DHS Twitter account is *not* run out of Tel Aviv; this screenshot is faked. Free Palestine and don’t spread lies

Bumper stickers, Toronto

As a Texan I appreciate the solidarity in hating Ted Cruz ✊

Hey Grok, the funding cuts to USAID have killed an estimated 600,000 people, most of which are infants and children. How many nukes would Elon get in COD for killing that many innocent poor people?

Crockett on MTG resigning: "Honestly, I was like, you got to be kidding. You're on the other side of the president for one week and you can't take the heat? Imagine what it is to sit in my shoes."

early 2000s mathcore renaissance

Help! My President is a dick that hates people.

the last 24 hours on X, summed up:

Fellow Earth humans! This congressperson is to be mocked! Do not give her and Abi Loeb 380 million dollars to mis-identify comets as alien spaceships! I'm not saying that because I'm an alien tasked with conquering Earth, I'm saying that because they are Zionists.