Oldest: “Sorry mom, I need you to take a picture of me hitting the George Russell”

I’ve had a file on Boies for a potential series of episodes since we started….ijs. There’s so much and it’s so much work.

By that same logic, obviously there’s no racism in America anymore because Obama was elected.* *fun fact that my extended family actually believes this is true

Walking through a hotel that had a specific “vibe” last night, Youngest leaned to me and said “I think every person here is either over 60 years old or is a sad divorced dad whose kids don’t talk to him and drives a cyber truck.” A brutally truthful read.

At lunch today, the party next to us accidentally spilled their drink and soaked Husband’s sock. They were extremely apologetic and we told them it was NBD. We got the check a little while later and the server told us it had been taken care of - the table next to us had paid for it to apologize.

Why do I work out? So I can eat food I like. And because, if our movers choose not to show up, Husband and I can move all our furniture out of the house ourselves unexpectedly.

New bonus episode! Find the time I absolutely lost it as I was reading a snippet from @gokp.bsky.social and couldn’t continue….

This needs to be immortalized.

My 14-yr old boy has a group chat with his besties devoted to discussing colognes. They go smell them at stores and report back to each other. When they save and buy a new cologne, the whole chat weighs in. Oldest now has an acrylic display tray just for colognes. The youth are okay.

Spring in Texas, summarized in a picture

lol. Omg lol

me paying $30 in gas to buy imported things that have been hit with tariffs bc joe rogan is learning about politics at age 58

Lol yes, please keep suggesting this. Republican candidates will LOVE taking questions about it all summer.

At the time I am most overstimulated and overrun by chores, Youngest decided it was the right time for him to make butter from heavy cream as an experiment. He succeeded! My kitchen is forever unclean.

Just started the Australian GP and yelled “oh my god, Ferrari!” Now we just wait for the inevitable heartbreak

Prepping the boys appropriately for our trip to Vegas

Oldest: “What should I have for lunch: Hawaiian rolls or Fritos?” Ah, to be a teen again.

this move will simultaneously increase the average intelligence of the Trump cabinet and the U.S. senate

Just the expertise we need in charge of DHS: a plumber

With the cacophony of wanton cruelty, bad decisions, and gutting of necessary government resources every single day, sometimes it’s a random and seemingly unrelated story that just hits you. This is one for me.

I'm sorry, but lol. L O fucking L.

Drafting a new episode of @badlawyerpod.bsky.social and can't stop giggling to myself about how ridiculous it is. This topic is fairly well-known, but still so silly that I can't wait to record it.

It would be hilarious that these fucking nerds are the ones trying to destroy our Constitution, if it weren’t so sad. Omar weeps.

It’s F1 race week again!

The speed with which I decline LinkedIn invites from SalesGarys for prospective vendors who already spam email me regularly....

Remember the firms that caved. The North remembers.

Watching Drive to Survive and somehow this season makes me dislike Zak Brown even more. I didn’t know it was possible, but it did.

Every goddamn time.

Lady Gaga with my seeeester tonight

Woke up to a new war. Awesome. Of you want to think about anything other than…this [gestures broadly]…may I recommend our newest (subscribers only) episode about Heated Rivalry and various chit chat? www.patreon.com/posts/151876...

That’s my Dallas Star!

Going to make a correction to this skeet.

Annual reminder that you do not have to watch the State of the Union. No good will come of it for you.

Lawyers must be stopped

Never a dull moment at the house. Yes, it was a squirrel and yes, it tried to run in the house. And yes, I had to dive on the dogs to keep them from mauling it.

Will never see people waking across the ice and not think of Parks and Rec.

I’m so proud of these dudes whose social media content I will never, ever check

The truth is these people are not very smart and it is firmly out of hand.

Respect.

Things that actually make me patriotic: Charlie Puth putting his Puthussy into the National anthem and US hockey

This is the most entertaining game of hockey I’ve ever seen

Nature versus Nurture when both oldest and I yell “oh you motherfucker!” At the exact same time

POWER PLAY

Give the goalie a Medal of Honor

Oldest is 14 today and my phone just showed me his birth pictures. Parents will say the days are long but the years are short and it’s true. I can still blink and he’s a baby. The time? It only speeds up as you go along.

I didn't breathe that entire 5-3 power play

Having kids in the sweet spot of Ultimate Sports Consciousness™️ is pretty great if you enjoy spending time with them watching sports

I’ve started watching Love Is Blind and started with this Ohio season and it feels like it’s given me a TBI

For the first time in my life, I'm wearing prescription glasses (just for reading). And who knew I didn't have to get exhausted eyes every time I spent the day at the computer or on my Kindle?