I made chicken noodle soup yesterday and then overnight bone broth. I feel so mature.

Agreeing with @scottmik104.bsky.social that the weather app didn't say shit about this

I just made a "call back" phone call that I have been putting off for a long time and guess what? It went to fucking voicemail bitches!🥳🎉💫

Not a fan

Happy Birthday @steelytom1.bsky.social ! You are one of my favorite things that I bought online and turned out to be better in real life. Love you😘🥰

Happy Birthday ALLISON!!!!!🥳 @alialibobaly.bsky.social I hope you're having the best day🥰

Guy in car next to me just saw me hop in with my fresh hot coffee grab me phone charger tip my cup and try to plug it in the bottom😞

Hi @simonb72.bsky.social 👋

Happy Caturday fuckers

Sputtering away on a moped with the crown jewels is such a moment.

Went to a new bbq place @scottmik104.bsky.social loved the food. I just served him the leftovers with some homemade chips and coleslaw. He said everything was all too salty. TF? I salted the homemade chips as one must🙄

Just told my Dr. that I went off my meds cold turkey last week because I forgot to bring them with me when I went out of state. She didn't give "proud"

@scottmik104.bsky.social I was close but I actually stopped at the AI answer

Wtf is this I found this morning? Thought we weren't allowed to waste beer in this house?

It's midnight and I thought you should know I am making an adorable baby shower basket.

Someone said Jesus did come for the rapture but he was intercepted by ICE. 🤣😂🤣

Babysitting today so I'm gonna spend my down time on rapture tiktok messaging the believers my venmo. Wish me luck!

Happy Caturday! From our 2 very different girls.

I made Birria tacos and elote corn for dinner so @scottmik104.bsky.social went out for pizza

Q: What?Say it. A: Security heavy.

Fair warning, I'm hearing out Lil Dicky today.

This is the burger that @scottmik104.bsky.social said was in his top 3. Now tell the people what you taught me about Bibb lettuce.

Sunday Phunday 🍻

Whelp...it's 10am on 8/24 😔

Factory settings on phones should have "read receipts" turned off...as well as "show dots when typing"

@antmanisannoyed.bsky.social Look what I found!😄

I know I can Google it but did ESPN air a popdarts tournament?

Am I gas lighting myself or is the skunk smell really gone? Someone come smell my house. Don't look at it bitch! Just ya know... a lil sniff sniff.

I thought @scottmik104.bsky.social was smoking really dank weed but it was just this girl covered in skunk spray🦨

Status of my return: I put all of the filthy towels and blankets directly into dryer. No washing necessary.

And another thing...shout out to @steelytom1.bsky.social for always getting us home safely. Imagine feeling so comfortable being pulled over that you can't stop laughing in the cops face?

Got home,did a quick change and we're back on our bullshit😁

Heading home after another fantastic weekend. Thank you @halleycomet3.bsky.social @steelytom1.bsky.social for putting up with us!😘

IYKYK

My 50th show was okay.

Another miss @antmanisannoyed.bsky.social

Happy Saturday🍹New Dominican spot in town.

Just put on the new Netflix doc Trainwreck: Poop Cruise and I'm already bitching to my cat that they chose "Train" over "Ship".

Petition to change it to "unrhetorical" because everyone is dumb.

I joke about him but let me be clear. @scottmik104.bsky.social is the best man I know and I am truly blessed to be his wife. I love you so fucking much baby, Happy Anniversary😘

Reason 2456 of why I hate summer: When you shave your legs,walk outside and come back into the AC'd house,catch a 1 second chill and all the hairs pop the fuck back out😔

Just my opinion but Solar Sales guys should not be allowed to post up in home depot all day and stalk the customers...bitch I thought you were gonna help me find a thingamajig!

Someone tell my husband 2 different men just proposed to me at home depot...but don't tell him I had to go back in and crawl around the aisles looking for my car keys (because our jean pockets are bullshit)

Nothing quite as humbling as standing in the pouring rain at the Aldi carts without a quarter😔

Look what I got! Thank you @scottmik104.bsky.social Arby's Jamocha shakes are the best!

Happy Mothers Day! I recommend a giant martini with a bendy straw😘

So I don't like this

Remembered I could just clip around the yard and get that same little hit of serotonin😊

A hugging thank you to @riffpo.bsky.social for sending us a beautifully packaged box of love.The friends we made along the way are the friends we'll call from jail one day🥰