Straight men are fascinating.

If we could keep the American financial system working until we close this house sale, I’d greatly appreciate it. I’m asking for 16 days MAX.

Sometimes a screenshot of a gif is funnier than the gif itself.

Baby, the horrors?? They are PERSISTING.

Smoking with the finger monitor on is sending me into orbit but get well soon I guess.

It’s a really special parasocial relationship when there’s someone you’ve followed for years without a follow back. like yessss that’s my friend that doesn’t know me and doesn’t want to

They are beating your ass in the quote tweets.

I wonder who is going to post something tomorrow morning to un-sanctify the holiday.

Built like an organist, IKTR!

NYC food content cracks me up.

Baby when I realized that if a party/club is dull I can just…leave?

Met a girl named ‘Rhapsitty’ yesterday and she was very quick to clarify that she was named after the show, not the musical term.

Siri, play “Put Your Records On” by Corinne Bailey Ray

1) thrown a full drink in someone’s face 2) perform on Carnegie Hall stage 3) moving out of the US

She is constantly reminding us that we are ugly and poor and I love it.

I’ll give you 12 but if you on my tail at that speed, please go away from me with that, Apollo.

This level of fine requires a team.

It’s curtains for the USA, folks. Like, turn out the lights.

Do I want to know? I don’t think I do.

Purple bag Doritos flavor

Bridges

Sour, please.

I hate “wet burrito” as a food name.

Generational response.

Excuse me, @seanferrick.bsky.social I have some top 10 ideas for you. Top 10 Hallway fights Top 10 Villains who sat in captain’s chair/bridge takeovers Top 10 times the captain/crew ALMOST self-destructed the ship #trekculture #top10

Now do one on a weekday and disrupt production.

Serve the kids first.

Caskets are so expensive.

Where is that lady’s mama?

The job of a karaoke singer is to make the song as gay as possible.

post a non-religious picture you think of as holy

1993

Is NBA Player a rapper?

I can't wait to hear what the choir sounds like.

$200 for an oil change seems really unnecessary.

“People be gay.”

You thought you ate this too.

I need good vibes, y’all.

This is hilarious and petty. Super appropriate tho.

Levitating - Dua Lipa It needs a line dance. On skates.

What’s your favorite euphemism for sex? I’m a “get laid” guy. It sounds so fun to me.

Remember when I said the bad vibes were coming from inside the house?

¿QUE?