Going into 2026 like

my new years resolution is to eat pancakes some time between now and monday i don't care how resolutions work

did anything funny happen yet

calgary i am going to beat you up

at the office having my weekly bowl of chili and alienating people by talking about new wave theatre again

They're calling it "a post so bad, judges are saying it can count towards Worst Post of 2026." Off to a remarkable start.

La Femme du Raciste... *blows huge cloud of cig smoke* ... est morte

so fucken awesome when a terrible old racist dies. would be cooler if they died less oldly though.

what's a matter babe you hardly touched your clud sandwich

another robot highlight for 2025: man wearing humanoid mocap suit kicks himself in the balls

i miss the ice cream trailer and also not being snowed into my house

This is what they’re comfortable doing on camera, not enough people internalizing that part.

it would be so funny if happened today

lmao my brother showed up xmas day with the leo johnson in a coma hangover

Tiny Tim died. Scrooge threw him off the Hell in a Cell.

thats just a neighbourhood xmas tradition over here

i was wondering what the xmas eve news dump might be

your homethirl had to grate fresh nutmegs on xmas eve morning due to either being sooooo festive or a stupid idiot who is bad at planning

tonight you'll be visited by three spirits

in with all the old ppl at london drugs refilling our prescriptions and making sure we have enough seasonal confectionery before christmas 😌

dreamt that the organ released a followup to grab that gun and now i know all the songs from it

fucking bullshit that its this cold and we dont even have any hoar frost to show for it

he's so full of beans

nice argument. unfortunately for you i have already portrayed you as the passed out and drooling sleeptime bear and me as the alert, confident and powerful throat cooler koala

they got a new chief medical officer of health out of the chief medical officer of health cloning machine

my job should give me a dumb annoying bitch dividend

i have taken the grape soda that was in the icebox and which you were probably saving for dinner or snack time or something idk forgive me it was delicious so sweet and so cold

oh baby it's a shut down the highways blizzard 😎 time to get our shining on

wishing that old lady in dovercourt who says she's gonna chain herself to a tree to protest infill a very cold day

sorry for dissociating during our meeting i had jimmy jazz stuck in my head

starting to think the fbi sucks or whatever

buying a lotto cos someone other than me changed the bottle on the water cooler this morning. i will also need to do one (1) squat to make up for missing out on my weekly workout.

Opinion | Trump’s crude remarks about Rob Reiner are unbecoming of a FIFA Peace Prize winner.

took my vitamins so now im still mad but more nutritious

my watch says i got a new personal record on my ride home i hope its for screaming at cars that almost hit me while they tried to save 3 seconds turning right

lunch is 75 toffifees today

i think the prime minister should listen to the new HEALTH record instead of doing things to annoy me personally

murdered by his son and this is what the president posts

a week later - somehow better and worse. cool.

im going to go up into the oscillating atmosphere and beat up la nina. enough.

happy HEALTH day everyone

witnessing a cop have a meltdown in a group chat then sneaky delete their meltdown - it was worth showing up to work today i guess

i speak to dead people the normal way idiots - thru cryptic symbolism in my dreams

gen x men who can't print to pdf but love crypto podcasts are demanding me to use AI to write my daily report i see no way this could go wrong

coworkers stop yelling GRINCH MILK challenge

Santa came to me in my dream and revealed a recipe i can put in my city’s water supply to restore christmas spirit

the australian govt can take my social media accounts too if they want

got a meeting with a guy from interpol (international organization) in the new year should i wear my interpol (band) shirt

police release new fugitive thirst traps to warn of fugitive's changed appearance

I can’t emphasize enough how much you need to watch this until the end