I wish Elon could just skip ahead to the piloting his starship into a chrono-synclastic infundibulum part of this novel.

Republicans: WE NOMINATE SKELETOR Democrats: We dislike Skeletor but we will vote to confirm him. Please give us between 5 and 50 dollars. <Later> Democrats: I stand before you to condemn the actions of Skeletor. He should have never been given this power. Please give me between 5 and 50 dollars.

Zlatan’s agent and manager really worked their asses off getting him so saturated the World Cup is a Zlatanaissance

Beginning to think Donald Trump has never played or held cards

When we learn about Juneteenth, few people ever read the actual announcement. This is General Order No. 3 with annotations about the significance. What stands out to you most in the actual order? #Juneteenth

Brazil’s national anthem is, respectfully, the most Monty Python thing I’ve ever heard.

Recently did a Pluto TV rewatch of Cheers to remind myself that yes it is a perfect television show

Pretty good chance Scotland gets a big boost after the water break.

The Moroccan players appear to be 2x-3x faster than Scotland

Want to feel old? This is the kid from The Toy, now.

I can tell I’m at a Rich Person Townie Bar because all the men are wearing hats and shirts from other Rich Town boutiques

“I’m lovin’ it!” - the burger colonel

I can only hope that Seattle's thousands of coffee shops are featuring a "Mauricio Capuccino" today.

Morticia: ...but Gomez, you're allergic to shrimp!

Murray Hill call your lawyer

Damn, called it....

Kanga has had soccer fever for years. Here he is in 2021 in his Son jersey

<ahem>

Listen, man. All I know is kids in 1980s New Jersey were putting just insane amounts of garlic salt on their french bread pizzas.

“Is this the mixology-focused murder mystery dinner with a Mississippi Delta theme?” “Oh, no sir. This is the Blues Clues Booze Cruise. You’re looking for pier 12: the Booze Clues Blues Cruise.”

Hi! What'd I Miss?

just splashed an entire dog bowl of water all over myself, mostly the face. outlook for a better day not good.

Having an all-time terrible day. Just absofuckinlutely rotten.

Kanga has had soccer fever for years. Here he is in 2021 in his Son jersey

10yrs old: a slam dunk is the coolest thing i’ve ever seen 15yrs old: these slow, emotional songs just “get” me 25yrs old: literature explores the human condition, but the visual storytelling in film reaches a much broader audience 35yrs old: a slam dunk is the coolest thing i’ve ever seen

I *still* can't grow a beard and I am 48 million years old.

another fresh harvest of ecto cooler hi-c

JCPOA >>>>> JCPOS

the news is never company hires 11,000 more people company hires 4,500 more people company hires 2,000 more people it's: company building data center in your town will temporarily hire 200 people brought from out of state staying at camp grounds because they aren't paid well enough to afford hotels

Dr. Congo?!?

It happened again. Felt miserable and physically "off". Drank some water. Feel like a million bucks.

There's a chance this world cup might become...Mr. Haaland's Opus.

Sometimes you need a hot dog microwaved so long it is nothing more than a twisted shillelagh of hog lips and cancer, you know?

No takers so far on Cucking Funt, my erotic thriller about a swinging 60s gigolo whose secret affair with a beloved tv prankster's wife takes a dark and sexy turn.

It has fulfilled its destiny and, sick with algae and awash in chemicals, become the true reflection of America at 250.

A suitable use of AI Slop could be to insert Nate Bargatze into more of history's greatest authoritarian handjobs. Circus Maximus! the '36 Olympics! A Berlusconi pool party!

This Iran deal will fall apart by opening bell tomorrow, most likely by design.

Laura Loomer has the photogenic nature of "Allergy Sufferer" in a Zyrtec print ad.

tfw you got diarrhea all over your outfit so you have to run to Burlington for the best of what's around and a dress shirt that comes with the tie.

Yes, the Excellent Care Unit. Of course.

Has Jardience always carried that disclaimer about a potentially fatal infection of the taint or is that something new?

You know it’s Too Hot in the South when it’s quiet out in the middle of the day.

Fox coverage and presentation of the World Cup does not have the juice.

Good for him, you know? Good. For. Him. The world’s first living Kurt Vonnegut antagonist.

Nordic thrillers and mysteries must have TWO or more “old guys who could be mistaken for Nick Nolte” or they won’t receive funding.

The Knicks were down 27 at halftime and looking absolutely desolate. All was lost. Until ... “Had to give ’em a little Wu-Tang prayer, nahmean?” Ghostface Killah told me. At Y! Sports: I wrote about the greatest comeback in NBA history. yhoo.it/3ShQDPX

Let me see those Knicks-Inspired weed strains and edibles that are hopefully flooding the bodegas and dispensaries. That’s the real vibe.

Existential midlife crisis at the modest mouse show