If you are asked to tip prior to goods and services being rendered, you're not tipping; you're paying a voluntary surcharge

You know things are bad when country singers are turning on him

Nachos are boy salad

Hot weather got you down? Snack on some chilled nuts!

I can't believe it took this long for KEXP to get mclusky youtu.be/GRYaJ_zpU_s?...

I'm witnessing the Sunk Cost Fallacy firsthand. Nobody is waiting in a sale line for 2 hrs and not walking away with something

"You guys talking about LARPing?" "No, Rocky Horror"

We are a generation of over-communicators raised by a generation of under-communicators

8-hour work days or 5-day work weeks. One's gotta go, preferably both.

Here's an IT inside tip: the IT guy is only telling you to restart your PC because he wants 2 minutes of peace away from you

#MayTheFourth | #StarWarsDay | #MayThe4th

Started reading The Gone World by Tom Sweterlitsch and the initial premise has me beyond hooked. I'm just waiting to see how far I have to get to be let down.

Mad respect to the guy waiting patiently for Cinnabon to open at 1030am

Unsanitary napkins

If you come out of retirement you shouldn't get a second party when you retire again

A spork is not a great multi-tasker. It is the worst of both worlds.

How is The Netherlands a real place? It sounds like a realm from Mortal Kombat

Having your basement flood sucks but at least you get a consolation prize of infinite cardboard boxes

GET OUT OF MY HEAD ONION

Yeah sex is good but have you ever had your son drive matchbox cars on your back?

Nothing is allowed to become popular anymore unless it was manufactured to do so

How long until Angine de Poitrine gets accused of being industry plants as well? What industry are they even part of? The French Canadian alien industry?

My dream job is to be the guy who puts the peanuts in the shells

Why don't we have lying down toilets?

I have an ophthalmologist appointment today so I mustn't forget to brush my eyes before I leave

Well looky there, another TACO Tuesday!

What did Jesus do for 3 days in his man cave? Did he even have a way to charge his Switch?

You told me bro had some muscles but you didn't tell me

One of the most original and mind-f*cking sci-fi reads I've ever experienced is on sale for $1.99 a.co/d/0bUtkpuX

I've been told by coworkers that I have resting confused face

I'm leaving blue sky because nobody likes my skeets anymore

I can't type the word "rectify" without thinking of "rectum"

I kept hearing Hey, Soul Sister in my sleep last night but I think I was just having Train Dreams

To all of the people crowding into the Guinness brewery on St Patrick's Day: wow, great idea! I bet nobody else thought the same exact thing!

I made the crucial mistake of betting against kpop #oscars

How did Sentimental Value win when it didn't have a single rampaging severed leg? #oscars

Wife had to mute the tv once babs started singing lmaooooo

Cool story, babs

Burger King is not passing the vibe check

Peripheral vision is for suckers

Wagner Moura must always play characters who sling messenger bags over their shoulders

Corn on macabre

Yikes, this looks rough

French Canadian microtonal alien rock? I am so here for this youtu.be/sfDtfz7vXkY?...

What's the point of even walking if you forgot your Fitbit at home?

Roses are red Violets are blue There's a current popular trend To make this poem not rhyme

I'm trying out a Woodland Critter diet that consists mostly of nuts and berries. Working out pretty good for me so far, not going to lie

There needs to be a pirate metal band called Imagine Flagons

Got a weird craving to listen to the Dark Souls 2 soundtrack at work this morning youtu.be/kFo01GRhUvY?...

Williamsburg Walter saw his shadow so we get 6 more weeks of Cameron Winter