I wanted to have a nice day, but then I read some bullshit about how Tylenol causes autism and now all I can focus on is the amount of time that has to be (but really shouldn’t have to be) spent debunking that nonsense.

No shade, but how many home runs would Cal Raleigh have if T-Mobile Park had Yankee Stadium’s dimensions?

The MAGA mind cannot process the possibility that Charlie Kirk’s killer was just some dipshit troll.

I don't know who needs to hear this, but Charlie Kirk didn't actually debate. He called it debate, but mostly it was just taunting and gaslighting his opponents in environments designed for his benefit. Masterdebating, as South Park put it.

Elizabeth Warren on people who say Dems needs to tone down their rhetoric: "Oh, please. Why don't you start with the president of the United States? And every ugly meme he's posted and every ugly word."

So, about those Epstein files…

Alexa, play “That’s Life”.

Not sure he’s the best person to deliver this message.

I think I just watched the stupidest opening to an NFL season ever.

It will never cease to baffle me that there’s actually a line of testosterone boosters called Nugenix.

Every time I see the latest in Gavin Newsom cringeposting.

Fuck it. I’m starting my own church based around the irrefutable fact that Sycho Sid rules the world. Who’s in?

Brace yourselves. The conspiracy theorists who believe that the NFL is rigged are coming.

Support and Protect Trans Folks 🏳️‍⚧️ Thanks for watching Dynamite y'all ❤️

So… is the new pope a Cubs fan or a White Sox fan?

Robbie Ray is finally pitching like the former Cy Young Award winner that the M’s signed to a five year, $115 million contract… for the Giants 🙄 #ThisFuckingGuy

Reminder that tomorrow is the start of Military Appreciation Month. Feel free to pass along this information to the people in your life who conveniently forget about it when going on bad faith rants.

There are many ways to express this sentiment, but I believe the bluntest method is the best: If you want Canada to join the United States, then you’re a fucking moron.

As much as I love having Cal Raleigh on my team, he has the absolute worst nickname of any baseball player today. Look it up if you’re curious because I’m not saying it here.

My cat leaves patterns in his litter box that are more artistic than the AI sludge you’re passing off as art.

Friends don’t let friends get into debates with people who believe it is not only possible, but practical to discreetly pay more than 5 million protesters. Don’t waste your time on morons, is what I’m saying.

We’re New Englanders. Standing up to tyrants is our heritage.

Show your love for Hayao Miyazaki by using a generative AI app that completely goes against everything he stands for as an artist.

@ditzkoff.bsky.social From now on in every White House Chat:

Anyone have “conservatives proclaim their love for EVs to own the libs” on their 2025 bingo card?

Moralism is where nuance goes to die.

My sinuses have informed me that it is now spring.

Reminder that I am functioning on less than zero social capital. Please bear with me.

It was only a matter of time before this administration set up an online form to rat out progressive teachers. Fortunately, I came prepared.

We get it. You thought Hunter Schafer was attractive, sexy even. Then, you found out she was trans and, rather than reflect on your attitudes towards gender and sexuality, you decided to pitch a fit and make it everyone’s problem. Cry harder. Trans people are here to stay.

Welcome to the RFK Jr Era of Public Health.

My open letter to Elon Musk.👇 Mr. Musk, You recently criticized me and another prominent lawyer fighting for the rule of law and democracy in the United States. I am used to being attacked for my work, particularly on the platform you own and dominate. www.democracydocket.com/opinion/my-o...

All the people who have tried to strike a certain chord are mad about the Kendrick Lamar performance- 💀💀

Every day is Christmas for Putin now.

Sure Elon, THEY’RE committing the crime 🤣🖕

BRET. HART. WAS. RIGHT. 🇨🇦

Credit: Ludwig Van Bacon lvbart.com

In a world of Hulk Hogans, be an Adam Page.

Congratulations to this legend on his election to the Hall of Fame.

As the grandson of two WWII veterans, I can only see Musk as someone they would’ve gladly capped in the name of civic duty.

Today, honor a King, not a Felon. #mlkday2025

to recap: — Trump was *for* the TikTok ban — which the GOP Congress passed — and the GOP Supreme Court upheld — and even though Biden said he wouldn't enforce the ban, TikTok shut down anyway — so that Trump could "save" it — and the media fell for it we really do live in the dumbest fucking country

I Photoshop Paddington into a movie, TV show, or pop culture until I forget: Day 1411