Schlambo is in tight with all of the biggest celebrities, but Cobra Commander is probably the most recognizable.

Greetings! I secured another pretty historic fake interview. I have no idea how I keep letting so lucky.

No, the president doesn’t control gas prices. But he can start stupid wars with obvious consequences such as cutting off about 20% of the world’s oil supply, which because of supply and demand, will cause gas prices to skyrocket. So, yes, MAGA. He did THAT.

Help a man get sued by POTUS, would ya?

What kind of daughter-lusting, casino bankrupting, loser-ass-bitch starts a war and THEN tries to build a coalition to fight it with him?

Howdy! This morning, I wrote and punished a new satirical article for The Political Garbage Chute. If you’ve got a new minutes, I’d appreciate the eyeball time. 🫶 #petehegseth

Iran will end up being the Iraq of Afghanistans of Vietnams of Koreas.

They have to call it the “SAVE Act” since “Soft-Repealing the 19th Amendment Because We Hate Women Unless We’re Trying in Vain to Fuck One” doesn’t have the same ring to it.

Given the number of immigrant players in MLB, it's sickening. Given that their visit would be tacit support of a pedophile, there may be a few child raping sickos on the team. (After all, nobody supports a pedophile who isn't one.) Also sickening. We really need Obama back.

How about just respect your fucking fanbase and decline the invite from the most racist White House ever?

Which p*dophile’s war crimes would Jesus distract us from by bombing a children’s school?

So wait! Are you telling me I can’t use my tariff dividend to buy my Cybertruck?! That ICE agent signing bonus better get paid soon or it’ll get repossessed!

Newly unearthed picture of Trump’s Board of Peace.

It’s gonna be the Trump Steaks of Trump Universities of Trump Ices of wars of choice in the Middle East.

I don’t want to sound too political here, but shouldn’t our Department of Homeland Security be run by someone not fully up inside someone’s butthole? Asking for a Markwayne Mullin.

Very normal people on Team Fascism, lemme tell ya.

I will only consider believing in god again when this vile piece of shit is in jail for the rest of her life.

I was on Team Abolish ICE when they were still called “Chinga La Migra.”

The war in Iran is stupid, illegal, and immoral. Are wars like dogs? Do they sometimes start to look like their masters?

How about we not thank a child molesting conman for bringing us into another illegal war, though?

How the fuck did we not think to protect Bruce Campbell from Stephen Miller?!

Ryan Coogler is the first person in history to direct 2 films that have won Best Ensemble at The Actor Awards. • Black Panther (2018) • Sinners (2025) See the full winners list: bit.ly/ActorWins26

Sorry. Which liberals said Trump would be anti-war?

We could have Star Trek and Baymaxes and maybe even a really good 70’s era funk revival, but nah. This is America, baby! We’re gonna kill scores of innocent people for oil instead. Just as the Founders intended.

Just wanted to share something that brings me joy but also perfectly encapsulates the depths of nerdery.

How does the chain of command work now? Does the Board of Peace authorize the strikes first, or does Commander in Chief Netanyahu the one who brings the war plans to the board?

The same people who think bullying trans kids into offing themselves are also super-horned-up because we just bombed Iranian school kids? What’s next? A bunch of Christians celebrating the wanton slaughter of children to cover-up the wanton sexual abuse of children?

Weird move for the Chairman of the Board of Peace to open a new war of choice by exploding school children, but I’m only a member of the Subcommittee on Non-Violence, so what do I know?

No, I don’t think we’ll be letting a D-List reality game show host and pederast delay our Constitutionally MANDATED elections. But I recognize your out of the ballot box thinking, MAGA.

They only kicked Al Green out of the chamber last night because his sign made the assumption that Trump can read.

Hard fuck-ass same.

I think we’re doing a pretty great show, especially for people who are liberal with a bit of chip on their shoulders.

It really does take a breathtaking lack of intellect to believe guys in white pointy hoods that shout about “purifying” the country would be people who’d vote for Kamala Harris or Barack Obama out of loyalty to a political party from 150 years ago. Then again, they also think burning bushes talk. 🤔

Seconded, but let's not allow any of them to come back without processing them through our concentration camp system. Probably a good idea to "supervise" their families while they are gone, too.

Hey, why don’t we pack up all the ICE agents and loan them to Mexico? I’m sure they’d be realllllly good at going up against the cartels.

There are many other things to do besides watch Trump’s State of the Union. Like: Having your pubes plucked one by one. Or maybe asking someone to drop a piano on your head. But if you want to still feel like you got that SOTU experience without watching him, try dumping diarrhea on your face.

My non-binary ass will move into a nearby apartment just so I can shit there at least once a day. His name should be etched in gold leaf on the bottom of the bowl.

When he dies, we should charge MAGAs a special “tariff” to visit the grave we turn into a National Gender Neutral Bathroom.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: A senile, racist, fake-billionaire pedophile is elected President of the United States…

Holding breath

So I can only assume that now prices will fall everywhere since the tariffs that were driving prices up are illegal? Right? We’ll see all the prices fall to pre-tariffs levels because there so many not-greedy mega corps running our lives, right? Right?

I’m old enough to remember when even Republican presidents were too busy and/or not intellectually and emotionally six years old enough to worry about late night comedians said.

Venezuela…Iran…is there any war this President of Peace can’t start for the sake of distracting us from his pedophilia?

LOVE: The Mando and Grogu trailer. UN-LOVE: A pedophile president not resigning in disgrace because he’s implicated by the Epstein Files more than anyone besides Jeff Epstein.

I’m not saying I’m surprised that every other country is witnessing resignations and investigations as fallout from the Epstein Files while this country keeps pretending our president isn’t a pedophile wrapped all up in them…I’m just saying that’s what has happened and it proves why the U.S. = Dumb.

Monsters.

@jamboschlarmbo.bsky.social #satire

As a good libtard, I am not one to judge any adults for their mutually consented to sexy times, but I gotta say — I personally have never found puppy killing, fascist, filler-addicted, Botox’d pin cushion faced future lifetime federal prison inmates hot. But you do you, Corey Lewandowski.