I think Oasis is using Petzval lenses for concert footage which leading me to probably buying a Petzval lens for something, I don’t know what.

Hey @jamesgunn.bsky.social please cast me as the Daily Planet video journalist always asking Jimmy to do reporter video.

I’m aging and balding and it isn’t fair that I’m not getting better looking like Jude Law is while doing both.

You know you can like different Supermen at the same time, right? Like, you aren’t restricted to liking only one Superman. You can like as many as you want. George Washington invented America so you had that right.

Hmm. Opened Bluesky and I haven’t seen someone die violently in a few minutes. Different place!

Every work meeting now.

I’m sort of exhausted.

I’m not telling people I’m tired, but there will be signs.

I don’t trust a man with a Bluetooth earpiece.

Okay I’m back. Everyone can breath a sigh of relief.

This alt headline is amazing and I wish the LA Times stopped stunting excellence like this.

I don’t like to brag, but Spider-Man chilled on my couch tonight eating strawberries.

In high school I had a box full of secrets (nudie mags) and my dad found it when cleaning out the closet and he just asked if I wanted to keep it and I said no and he said he wouldn’t tell my mom and that was it. True bro moment. Anyway, I get what Trump is going through.

Washed my AirPods. Now they are broken. Why do bad things happen to dumb fucking idiots like me?

i say this as someone who doesn’t care about succession: we lost something when we normalized not caring about spoling shit for other people

The worst thing about this app for me is I don’t have enough co-workers on here to see me shit talk work and passive aggresively say it’s driving me to a dark place for them to maybe tell a boss there’s an issue and then a boss would reach out with concern and I know that’s childish but let me be.

Does the new Little Mermaid reveal where their parts are? Been waiting for decades for the answer.

Don’t worry, Suez Canal. They’ll be there soon.

The teacher in Cocomelon can get it and I don’t feel ashamed enough about that.

alright, fuck it. anybody who follows and shares this post gets a free sketch. let's see how dumb this idea is.

For the Los Angeles Times, I went to stunt driving school so I could learn some sweet tricks and get in the next “Fast and Furious” movie. Let me join the family, cowards.

Having not watch Succession, I’m very confused about what’s happening this season.

Do people know that Midol is the absolute best thing for muscle pain? I’ve stolen all my wife’s and I feel bad. Not physically bad, though.

I didn’t buy a pair of shoes this morning. Instead, I paid off some credit card debt. I’m not saying I’m a hero, but it’ll make me feel better if someone calls me a hero.

How cool would it be if I were cast in the next Fast and Furious movie? Let’s start that campaign. How funny would that be? So funny. Let’s all just push this. Lol. I’m sorry, it’s Friday and I’m home alone with my children.

me with 1 bluesky notification vs me with 20 bluesky notifications

Me: I just wish my boss would recognize my work and tell me good job. Boss: Hey, Mark. Good job with all the work! Me: WTF do they know? So annoying.

Fuck yeah, finally Friday! Just gotta do that exact same week again for another 50 years until I’m dead. 😎

Trying to compliment my wife by telling her she has a nice “poop pad” and she didn’t appreciate it. I don’t understand women.

I found myself listening to Something Corporate today and wondering if I’ll be embarrassed if I let me son know I liked it. Or anyone.

Want my skeets to do better. How do I apply slurp juices to them?

they should make an ai that makes my wife come back to me. that previously left me over wokeness

I just want to be super popular on here and loved and laugh with everyone is that so much to ask?

Disappointed @scottwampler.bsky.social didn’t post his sexy Thanos painting on here already.

“Who wrote this shit?”Delroy Lindo said while laughing at a question I wrote for him. Honestly, very proud.

went over to twitter to get the last of my things and elon was just eating cereal out of a frying pan

The ER took a lot of blood and while I understand it, I feel like I should get it back. It’s my blood. Give it back when you’re done. I don’t pay you to keep it.

A lot of people I work with want time to invite them, but I want to shit talk work and they’ll cramp my style. Tough decision.

Ken has arrived and is already causing the good kind of trouble.

I’m 100% fine with scoot because I refuse to explain to my bosses what a skeet is.

Me trying to figure out why me skeets aren’t doing numbers.

Do we call them “reskeets?”

Me when I order a large pizza and I’m alone.

I’m gonna have to explain to my boss that these posts are called skeets, then I’m gonna have to explain why that is funny, and I blame every one of you.