Is there anything funnier in the entire universe than a class on writer’s block getting cancelled because the teacher no-showed?

Teacher notes: “Good day. Bear told us he would like to quit school and get a desk job.”

Sorry I’m baby.

I had to parallel park downtown and it gave me an actual migraine.

You thought spooky season was over? Well this haunted carrot that just came out of Clem’s backpack would like to have a word.

I’m going to die mad about this.

These motherfuckers. We’re all out here giving money we don’t have to local food banks, taking care of our communities as best we can & with as much wealth and power as they have, they can’t even hold the fucking line with their votes.

”My rebrand is going really well because my name is Billy. I’m no longer Bear, I’m Billy, so it’s time to leave my basics behind.”

I can smell this.

Bows seem to be the 2025 holiday trend and I hate that I’ve been able to ascertain this before the ides of November.

La petite mort but it’s just a nap before bedtime.

A marriage in four texts:

Goal-setting app said TRANS RIGHTS.

If I get taken out by election violence, please don’t tell my mother I was dropping off my ballot without a bra.

Just got this week’s word in 6 guesses, gonna go see if I can fly.

Steak for dinner. Clem got a blanket and a bottle of water and made herself a picnic in the living room.

Picked one kid up from the school nurse at 8:30 and the second at 11:30, god’s strongest solider.

Sometimes a post is so good it’s time to log off.

18 hours since my phone broke and my life is in shambles.

I’ve gotten married in 2.

Clementine’s current radio request is the cover of Lola by The Raincoats and I would just like it on record that I didn’t force that taste on her. I wasn’t even cool enough to know about The Raincoats until like a month ago.

Sexy roll d6

I mask at work but I also have a bespoke germ subscription from the local elementary school. Delivered daily from the bus in front of our house. 💀

"Oxford commas are a sign you write with ai" I will find such a unique way to rip out your spine that they'll make a movie about it

I just can’t imagine going into a meeting inside a higher ed office and talking about improving your AI prompting “skills.” I would die of embarrassment.

The fact that Kim Petras is listed as her own stylist for this video. Icon.

A four-word horror story for parents.

How to translate the prophecy from the woods-witch that a fantasy princess would never bear children: “It’s cool, a psychic told me I can’t get pregnant.”

Homesick scrolling r/houston and found this absolute gem. m.youtube.com/watch?v=-rAp...

I love you all so much and I hope the baseballmen do what you need them to.

Day 4 into being stay-at-home sick and my throat is just now starting to hurt. No new symptoms! Debate rules!

Credit card rewards are dividends paid from the suffering of people in debt.

The multiple pop culture “critics”—all women so far???—calling Keaton a feminist icon, talking about Annie Hall, sometimes even naming the director, then dropping that particular thread? Really shocking to me!

One thing about me is that I ADORE a two-hander so obviously I gotta go Destination Wedding.

How it started: I tried to thread a sewing machine for 45 minutes today. I don’t think I was successful.

Logan re: a recent celebrity death: “Do you think hell is too hot for turtlenecks?“

Sometimes I swear they’re posing.

Tachyphylaxis but for iced chai lattes with cold foam.

Never not thinking about Chan Marshall and Lizzy Grant meeting at a hotel pool. songexploder.net/cat-power

Post you from a different era. (2005)

I told my husband I didn’t doomscroll this morning and in response my brain just generated it’s own doomscroll, then he told me that’s just called having thoughts??

A true thing about me is that I wrote my first poyim as a child in Texas and was so embarrassed about how I said the word that I didn’t say it for YEARS until I started my BFA program and would quietly say “poem” to myself over and over in my room.

Looking for love in all the wrong places. (Validation of my intelligence from the prickly IT guy.)

Rain in the Pacific Northwest is so passive aggressive.

We don’t talk enough about how cute Aristotle Athari is.

Muting more and more words until posts stop coming through at all.

Bring back ashtrays in cars. The ones that pull out like a drawer? So useful.