I also want to see I SWEAR, the film about the BAFTAs.

KILL BILL PARTS 1 and 2 together at last on the big screen. Seven billion hours! But I still want to go. I seem to recall Part 2 is a bit boring, so I will have to take extra-strength acid.

Where is all the weird news today?

Happy birthday to Reni

Thousands of fans have gathered in the California desert for the hotly anticipated Coachella Festival, which kicks off Friday with pop princess Sabrina Carpenter in the headliner spotlight. today.rtl.lu/news/world/c...

Love it when Starmer gets “fed up”. Oooooh!

This article is OK! Very un-Guardianlike.

Does Ghislaine Maxwell have anything to do with Oxford United and Derby County? Too young, I expect, but worth bringing up just to embarrass them. (Disclaimer: I actually like Derby County and have nothing against Oxford United, except their stadium only has three sides.)

I thought the photo of Ghislaine Maxwell ima Jimmy Savile wig was a joke.

The Mastermind geezer on THE NEWS is saying a lot without actually saying it.

Maybe “in my favourite contacts”?

What is “on speed dial”? “In my contacts”?

Now that the UK has split up with the USA for good I feel able to say that the American bit of Live Aid was TOTAL RUBBISH

Wild chimpanzees recorded waging ‘civil war’ with coordinated attacks between two groups

The Adverts, The Rats, The Rods, Noel Edmonds - what a gr8 episode of TOTP!

The latest from the world’s no. 1 politician, Pedro Sànchez:

Not a very good video, but this is why I dislike Diego Simeone (well, the original reason): youtu.be/oY_sQ2mtOJg?...

Do you like (the) Cocteau Twins? Do you like Guardian-bashing? If so, today is your lucky day:

Trump is a racist xenophobe.

I see Simeone’s rancid hellspawn son cheated his way to a free kick and sending off last night. Huh, like father like son. I haven’t seen it so this might be complete bollocks but WHO CARES? Dickhead family.

Unfinished Sympathy is the saddest banger

CUP FEVER at, er, Boutique Erotica

I once saw Griezmann in town on a Saturday afternoon. He seemed like a nice chap. AND THEN HE MET SIMEONE.

Griezmann and Simeone are a right pair of plonkers #cupfever

#TimelineClean @msgrumpybunny.bsky.social @lunaluvgood2020.bsky.social @demguardrails.bsky.social @northjules.bsky.social @mommamia.bsky.social @malena.bsky.social After all the insanity of today This is where I'd like to go shopping... Baby Goats On their way to the produce isle

Harold Styles’s Meltdown looks quite interesting. I would gladly watch most of the things if I could.

Looks like another amazing victory for DONALD TRUMP. Can’t wait to see what he has to say about it.

BOR-ING!

Must be really really really insane in Britain then.

Not much BEAR in COCAINE BEAR

50 YEARS AGO TODAY: Man About The House's 39th and final episode sees Chrissy be made an honest woman by Robin's brother Norman, who was only introduced two episodes earlier. Feels rapid even by fictional standards, but spin-offs won't write themselves.

From the makers of PADDINGTON 2, I presume.

Ha ha this bear is off its rocker

What does TACO mean in reference to the Commander-in-Chief? Please and thank you.

COCAINE BEAR

Even if you don’t like Oasis, the sound of approx 80,000 people singing along is quite moving. (If someone sent the same thing about Coldplay I would throw up, so I quite understand if you think sod off mate): music.apple.com/es/album/acq...

How can one headline be so daft?

I’m not an expert and it’s too early to check, but I think this is what happened at Guernica. Similar anyway.

Just a reminder that the sun also rises (today at least)

Morton Harket out of A-ha is very handsome indeed

This PETER RABBIT film is about as faithful to the original as WUTHERING HEIGHTS. Him out of the Taylor Swift video is a great Mr McGregor though. Rabbits also excellent and clearly enjoying themselves.

to the other

What are the LEGO people doing to defend the LEGO bridges and LEGO power plants? They took ages to build. I would put the LEGO missile batteries on LEGO lorries and take them to right place and pull the little pin things back ready. Then get all the LEGO soldiers to stand round looking from one side

Trump’s chaotic war on Iran has dragged into its sixth week because he is fighting an adversary he doesn’t understand' - isn’t this a bit obvious? Who the hell understands LEGO people? (OK, I’m only joking, I know a lot of you DO understand LEGO people.)

Power Plant Day sounds like festival involving Robert Palmer and “Big Log”-era Robert Plant. Bridges Day sounds like a one-man comedy marathon. Anyway, can’t wait, whatever it is.

A 51-year-old retired matador was gored to death on the eve of an annual bullfight in Malaga, Spain, on Friday, according to a statement from Lances de Futuro, the event’s organizers.

Wow they sent in a team of commando minifigs, probably ninjas.

The US has rescued the second LEGO minifig.

Disappointed in Port Vale, really let me down.

Airbnb - destroyer of worlds: