all this new bullshit and changed aesthetics that look horrible and apple really still couldn’t give us a simple “kill all” button. my ass still has to swipe up 277 times

a true classic

do dead dogs dream of electric ass cheeks?

dude chandler/joey seems to have a HUGE chinese fan base?

LISTEN YOU DONT JUST SEND A MAN A VIDEO OF YOUR RECTUM AND GET UPSET WHEN YOU HEAR THE TRUTH!!!

carolina wrens are top tier. how are you one inches tall and making noises louder than a foghorn. where do you keep all this sound

me scrolling through my own account wanting to like and retweet every post like “damn that’s a good post”

to celebrate the carolina wren being merlin bird id’s bird of the day, here’s a song i wrote about a carolina wren #bird #birding #birdoftheday

With all my love for your bird-ball-loving self,

oh man i picked the WRONG jalapeños to serve to white people tonight

OKAY MEAt SCREEN ASS HITCH!!

SELF ACCEPTANCE IS LIKE SALAMI LID!!! IT AINT GON FIT LIKE THAT

Weren't you taught that it's rude to stare? commissioned by @fyne4247.bsky.social

It would be the polite thing to do. Commissioned by @fyne4247.bsky.social

“There will be no fornication inside OR outside of designated zones and hours under any and all circumstances — NO EXCEPTIONS.” …Says funny bunny…

Pride Month in 5 days

you vape so loud that’s hot as fuck

apps that tell me to share links instead when i screenshot things need to mind their fuckin business

deer corn is. well, it’s. corn. for deer.

that looks like it makes so much more sense than a giant fucking baby nose snot sucker with a 5-inch hard plastic pencil dick that just spills water all over my thighs when i turn it upside down

who the fuck needs an entire BUCKET up their ass

“pump action enema” is not a phrase i anticipated reading today

DONT ‘UM’ ME, PRETTY BOY! THATS YOUR ASS!

always a cuckhold never a cuck

the penis bong or the mom meth

i love you! you love gex! sonic says “pee after sex”

WHAT ARE THEY SELLING? *grandma raisin worm gets a cumshot to the face*

baby, i promise when you get your fursuit, i’ll take you to get spanked by the big german lady

classier than bird balls? color me intrigued

me rn #pokemon

i wish i could get used very good for $3.99

you drank my piss bitch put the chicken in the sink!

me typing something like "call me old fashioned but I think people threatening to drill and mine the shit out of our national parks should be publicly executed to preserve the beauty of nature" and the FBI agents monitoring me are like "yeah dude of course you'd say that"

yo egg shield is crazy

my dues are nike when like stole dye bestie up okkk. i can it

i’m like going with my eyes clothes

@hockeybufapo.bsky.social i saw the notification you retweeted my tweets and i just wasn’t used to the phrasing “reposted” and thought it said reported and also forgot what your name was and i was so concerned. will i get banned for saying tweet

i just made the mistake of VANGING ASS PASTA

a wise man once said, “the only reason i ever get a hot coffee is so i can have something to complain about until it’s cold.” it’s me im the guy

In honor of Woopy 🫡

i can’t believe i have to wait two weeks to suck a dick again. god is most cruel to his mightiest warriors

assigned weeaboo at bitch

did he shoot another unarmed black television

can you not make me cry when i was about to go jack my peepee

warning: vagina alert

this was an older one but I still think its relevant

carolina wrens are top tier. how are you one inches tall and making noises louder than a foghorn. where do you keep all this sound

ah fuck likes are public? nvm im going back to twitter