loading . . . Who am I to know The Secret to Happiness, you ask. Mankind has struggled with this question for eons, yet here I am, purporting to know The Answer. What kind of pretentious jerk would make such a claim, especially on New Year’s Day? These are fair points. In my defense, I am currently hung over. I am also not much in the mood to write about all the bad news that’s fit to print–and there is a never-ending supply of that, which I presume we’ll get to soon enough. No, today is a holiday, the beginning of a new year, a time for optimism even–especially–when realism calls for pessimism. And the fact is, in my years of observing asylum seekers, people who have suffered much and are under continuous stress, I have learned The Secret to Happiness, which I will reveal to you forthwith.
I’ve discovered The Secret to Happiness!
First, and it’s fair to ask, How did I learn The Secret to Happiness from asylum seekers? What can be gleaned about happiness from people who are in continuous and long-term difficulty?
Part of what I’ve learned is resilience. When the going gets tough, the tough get going, and all that. What I’ve seen is that almost all of us are tough. I’ve seen my clients maintain their dignity in a system that tries to humiliate them. I’ve seen them remain respectful towards a system that in no way deserves their respect. I’ve seen them stay calm, even though they are under constant attack. While resilience is related to happiness, it is not The Secret to Happiness.
Another thing I’ve learned from my clients is courage. There’s the obvious courage, as many of my asylum-seeker clients stood up for democracy and human rights against terrorists and murderous regimes. That’s why they had to flee their homes in the first place. Then there’s the less obvious courage of moving to a new place, where they have little support, and starting over. Some of my clients were quite prominent in their home countries, and so coming to the U.S. and starting again from zero is frightening. There is also the courage of facing the unknown in terms of the ever-shifting asylum system. The courage to confront challenges is also related to happiness, but it is not The Secret to Happiness either.
A third trait that I admire in my clients is their optimism. The fact that they are able to remain optimistic in the face of constant lies about them and attacks against them is extraordinary. It takes courage and resilience to remain optimistic under such difficult circumstances. How my clients maintain their optimism, I do not know. Perhaps it is a survival mechanism. Life is difficult enough, especially for asylum seekers, and maybe they are forced to keep hope alive in order to survive. While the ability to remain optimistic is also important to happiness, it is not The Secret to Happiness.
No, The Secret to Happiness is compartmentalization. You read that right, my friend: compartmentalization. The ability to focus on one issue now and then completely forget about it later.
An example might help clarify what I mean. Let’s say you have an asylum case. This takes a lot of mental energy: preparing the case (which often requires remembering traumatic events), managing the ever-present threats from ICE, maintaining your work permit and driver’s license, dealing with separation from family members, adjusting to an unfamiliar environment and culture, etc., etc. These are not nice things, and they do not make us feel happy. Nevertheless, they are necessary and we have to get them done. But when we are not doing those undesirable activities, we need to put them out of our mind and focus on other, more positive activities.
In other words, work on your asylum case (and any other difficulties in your life) when you are working on it, but when you are not working on your case, don’t think about it. Ignore it completely. Do not let thoughts of your case invade other areas of your life. If you can focus on the positive and not allow the negative to overwhelm your happy moments, you will hopefully achieve happiness in those moments. You will also have more energy when the time comes to return focus to your case.
So that’s it. The Secret to Happiness. Voila!
What’s that? You’re not impressed? Yes, I understand. Knowing The Secret to Happiness is the easy part. Implementing The Secret is the hard part. How to push the negative thoughts away so you can enjoy the good times? There’s the rub. To that question, sadly, I do not have an answer, and I have not been very successful at implementing The Secret in my own life. However, I do recognize that I need to focus on what I need to do, and then focus on what I want to do. That I need to set aside the negative and avail myself of the positive. I am convinced that this skill is not a luxury; it is a necessity. We need the good times to get us through the bad times.
It’s a new year, and my wish for you–and for myself–is that we can focus on the positive, minimize our time with the negative, and enjoy the moments of happiness that are available to us.
Happy 2026!
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### _Related_ https://www.asylumist.com/2026/01/01/the-secret-to-happiness-for-asylum-seekers-and-everybody-else/
