3yo just said "oh let me help you open the door" and let the 2yo cousin out 😈

making a home assistant dashboard for my husband that shows -what games are playing on the broadcast channels we get -what games are playing from his fantasy league selections -hockey games today -football games today -baseball games today

Sister in law's boyfriend: where would a fish wear a tophat? The rest of us search out into the universe for some formalwear based pun. bf, showing a picture he drew of a fish wearing a tophat such that it covers its eyes: because I don't think it'd wear it like this.

Oh you like the capitalism parade? You like when all the corporations drag out their IPs for you to get excited about? That's what you're into? That's what gets you in the Thanksgiving spirit? Yeah me too.

Took me a second to think through why the Las Vegas airport was playing so much The Killers

I hate Burger King commercials so much, I'd rather starve than eat there.

You can't afford to be mad at people on the Internet about food. You have to be mad at your relatives.

Quick how should I, my wife, 9, 7, and 3 arrange ourselves on the plane, wrong answers only.

It’s not too late to have a good Thanksgiving

Service Outage xkcd.com/3170/

what if government kept my kids entertained by serving up Daniel Tiger mini games

this seems like a good thanksgiving to yell at your relatives

An all-too-common mistake is inferring the sexuality of historical figures based on contemporary standards that didn’t apply back then. For example, in the 1970s it was normal for a cop, a biker, a Native American, a construction worker, and a cowboy to be friends. It didn’t mean they were gay.

you can say "a historic" or you can say "an 'istoric" but you can't say "a 'istoric".

For today's preschool co-op day I worked diligently to get all the kids calling the dog show "papa troll."

I'll surprise you for 40

it's time we go after Here We Come A-Caroling for this.

Bill Clinton and Donald Trump won't see what you're calling them, but two guys in any context whatsoever will.

If you are feeling sad about any of the many things you could be feeling sad about a good song to listen to and feel sad for a bit is Oh Dearie by Matt Berninger.

Car Size xkcd.com/3167/

Is this a stepstool or a ladder.

Big and Little Spoons xkcd.com/3166/

If you like any sports or if you like fun games or if you like making spreadsheets or if you're looking for a reason to root for random teams or if you like looking at weird websites that don't have ads and never will, you should consider playing Omnifantasy with me and my friends. omni.rodeo/pitch

idk why we wasted "attractive nuisance" on a legal term of art instead of using it as a term to describe shitposters who are good looking

They say when you're a parent the days are long but the years are short. I freaking wish. This year has taken ten years and each day has been five hours long.

I can't stop thinking to myself, "The Word For House Is Mortgage"

Standing next to someone with a flip phone and idk how the giant dark line in the middle of their screen doesn't bother them

Oh is there a shipwreckball happening tonight

I love when the drummer puts the big marshmallows on his sticks. Like yeah man we going camping later? I'm in!

I need to know which of my friends is running next year

The Ones Who Walk Away From The Fifty Year Mortgage

Letting the 3yo push the cart at this mostly empty Aldi and let me just say she's uninsurable

If I was in Congress I would simply have principles and stick to them no matter what. Why not!

Someone at the White House is advocating for a 69-year mortgage.

look at this tiny piano

guy who grew up in Southern California any time he hears something kind of synthy: getting space mountain vibes

Oh you have three guitarists? :) that's so cool :) maybe one of them could google "wind instrument" some time?

Everything You Didn't Learn In Music Appreciation

We need a thin line color for drummers

for a rock band, the difference between Good and Great comes down to whether they can do something cool on the guitar and the keyboard at the same time

Current Animal

we are watching a movie with our friend, a grownup, named Hannah. We have told the kids this. HUGE MISTAKE!!! The 3yo has a friend named Hannah in preschool and now thinks we're watching a movie with her friend and is SO MAD.

i heard the sandwich guy was acquitted. i bet he went up to the judge and said "i'll have an acquittal sandwich with lettuce and tomatoes!" or something like that. i'm just kidding, i doubt he did that. this post is just for fun really

collect physical media

Sorry to hear Jason Mraz lost his battle to be VA AG. I'm Yours is a great song.