one more pitch for joining Omni: we need a round number so all the leagues are the same size, and currently we do not have that, so if you sign up right now and your picks don't do well, you can say "well I wasn't really trying, I just joined to help my buddy get a round number." omni.rodeo/pitch

idk man I just keep thinking about that kid in the Pokemon hat

If I can't figure out how to get rid of this I'm out.

There's this commercial about how it's not a coin toss it's a coin flip because the coin has to flip. But just because it's a flip doesn't mean it's not a toss. I'm boycotting whatever product that commercial was about.

Imagining a guy who doesn't understand layovers. He's just like "but I'm not trying to go to Dallas?" Eventually he concludes that they just randomly assign you flights until you end up where you want to go. He considers himself lucky to only have needed at most 1 or 2 wrong assignments.

Curse of Stroud is this anything

I'm making the final season of a popular TV show. Here are my rules: - no flashbacks to previous seasons - no new bad guys - no making bit characters into main characters - no rehashing previously resolved drama - give the Tumblr people their favorite ship but not their 2nd favorite ship

I am tired of the helicopters.

Hey bro can you just chill for a minute? Can you cool your jets? Can you lighten up? Can you reach deep into the core of your being and calm the tumultuous storm that rages inside? Can you know what it means to simply exist? Can you find peace? Can you calm down? Can you just vibe?

yeah I'll admit it I'm excited for the new Scrubs season

Bumper sticker that says "If you're not mindful, you're not paying attention"

I think murder is bad.

Apparently that was written on the walls of a locked basement containing a neglected and miserable child upon whose misery our society's happiness relies. Yeah, so I can't stay.

So don't go dark on me It's all alright If I'm gonna get back to you, someday I'll need you light

This is just nonsense words. It doesn't mean anything.

The mild option is immediate impeachment.

contact your reps

Anyone Else Here xkcd.com/3188/

Mulder called a skullhead white supremacist a Nazi to his face and then punched him lights out in the episode we watched last night. Need that energy in 2026

lines from songs that mean something to you in 2025 or you hope will mean something in 2026

I am gonna make it through this year if it kills Smee

one thing that just doesn't add up about 2025 is that in the middle of EVERYTHING we also got a Superman movie that was Good and Wholesome in a way I haven't seen any movie be ever.

you gotta laugh at stuff or you’ll cry

i dunno. something amazing, i guess.

to an office worker, "thanks for the flag" is actually the greatest possible words of appreciation.

[I ask the guy at the store to recommend me a beer and he talks to me for 23 minutes before he realizes i think beer is wine]

This year was too hard and too sad.

I don't really want to think of my wife as being like a fruitful vine in the recesses of my home.

Here’s to 2026

When everyone who lived it died The files were declassified The slobs still called it suicide I hope you let it go youtu.be/keKluVOD_WE?...

This would be an awful time to be a computer that actually developed consciousness.

This is the best The Killers content I have ever posted and I just want to make sure you all appreciate it.

Got kicked out of the Christmas party for fighting with Burl Ives again. Just don't like the way he says "Kiss her once for me"

We had some fun that day, but it wasn't the same We met a cop at a traffic stop, hurried away He was so jolly, but he had somewhere to go He couldn't melt while I held him close I swore l'd never let him go

Got the brother in law in Secret Santa. "Hey do you know the radios on your wishlist require a gmrs license?" "I did not know that" "Well look into it and get back to me" Radio silence. Pun intended. "Hey did you figure out what you want?" "Not yet but I will" My brother in law it is Christmas Eve.

science fact: physicists actually can't explain how scissors do the sliding wrapping paper thing

The Disney merchandising just never ends

3yo: I have an opportunity to do something with this glue stick.

Join Omnifantasy! We give our bot Christmas off. omni.rodeo/pitch

something something Joe Biden idk

Wifes love to say they'll be up in five minutes just before they fall back to sleep.

Every once in a while the kids ask for me to read something to them "the silly way with made up words and silly voices" and I unleash the best gosh damn improv storytelling they'll ever see.

If the Grinch tried to pull any of that shit around me I would shoot him in the fucking face

the most cursed nfl franchise is pretty obviously the diamondbacks, who in 1998 were transformed into an arizona baseball team by an evil wizard. i'm surprised this is ever debated

A Christmas graphic played during the Commanders game and the 3yo said "is it Christmas in there? Like it is in our world?"

My odds of getting pneumonia in the next six months have tripled after being exposed to a sentimental song with the lyrics, "I want to bike in the rain," making me yearn for a more youthful and foolhardy version of myself.

The main thing I have had hammered home by the past ten years in politics is that we really need pretty much every government office to be run by boring and anonymous nerds who you will never once hear about in the news

From now on if you approach me in public I'm going to assume it's because you want a hug and act accordingly.

I will never stop sharing X Files memes