when its her time of the month

yeah we gay, keep scrolling

Yeah my girl a real horndog haha yeah hahaha

I truly do have the voice of a biblically accurate angel

Finally, a platform I can post on where I can be as embarrassing as possible with only a kinda small chance of it ruining my political career

Do you think Neutral Milk Hotel ever called any of their songs their “Mangum Opus”

POV: you just brought up “aftercare” with me despite the fact I am clearly a grown ass woman with a Mountain Dew Fruit Punch Kickstart in my hand

#yup i'm #transgender

I’m gonna post very sinful pictures on here later

I need the political pendulum to swing back so hard that conservatives have to be picky about what gas stations they have to stop at

I’m treating you like a dog, only in that you have these fucking eye boogers again and I’m GONNA get them out stand the fuck still

ohhhh to be sopping wet with milk and slammed against the wall

i cant believe i get to participate in something divine (lesbianism) this cures my religious little soul

I will literally pay someone $40 if they can show me a comedian that I actually find funny OTHER than Mitch Hedburg

getting notre dame'd by a notorious dame

I haven’t done one of these in a while

I’m putting on one of those funny safari hats and hiding in the bushes of the comments under an acoustic cover of “1979” and documenting the interesting behavioral patterns of the people who are sucking off Billy Corgan like there’s a winning lottery ticket at the base of his stupid little dick

chugging horse girl milk coffee

I could fold Howard Stern’s dumb ass like a god damn origami spider

Okay I’ll fucking admit it guys I don’t really like Gorillaz that much

I love yall so much but if I turned on notifs for any of you I’d feel like I’m being subjected to a really roundabout and inefficient way of brainwashing

I love Yoko Ono to death but those Let It Be sessions are so fucking funny because that bitch really is just sitting there like a weird little gargoyle while a bunch of dumb boys play with their toys

Everytime one of my coworkers bring up that they had confusing gender thoughts in high school if really does feel like I’m in a crossover episode

I don’t cry very often but when I do I finish up my most violent like spasm of pent up emotions and feel like the hottest and baddest bitch on planet earth like an hour later so like, can someone come and grab the back of my neck like they’re a really nervous fireman on their first day please

im a lesbian but i have jerked off thinking about shaggy from scooby-doo railing the fuck outta fred. so. that’s something. probably.

She harden on my nanomachine till I respond to physical trauma

Its official, I’ve finally actively listened to one Fleetwood Mac song of my own volition. I’m also a lesbian.

i heard church freaks say shit like "i don't even see why atheists don't kill themselves if they don't believe in god, how do they wake up in the morning?" all the time when i was growing up and that's almost unironically how i feel about being a polyamorous tranny who gets a lot of bitches

Every time I have to take Tylenol now I keep muttering out loud, "well the damage is done, might as well"

The guy in the chik fil a drive thru had unfiltered unmistakable dirty ass *lust* in his voice

Woke up with an outstandingly strong smell of black pepper in my nostrils and it went it away the moment I realized what the smell was

i love my friends i love my community. thinking about all of the wonderful trans people i've met in my area makes me cry sometimes and i don't know where i'd be without them

YEAH I CAN “GET WET” IT JUST LIKE. TAKES ME A MINUTE OKAY I CANT JUST “GET WET” WITHOUT EVEN TRYING OKAY, DONT PRESSURE ME

They put too many god damn testicles in my bag dawg, these nuts are spilling all over my god damn passenger seat y’all

:))))

It really is an interesting thing that the moment I get off of my incredibly stressful job the first thing I think of is at least 3 different people at the same time treating me like an incredibly fuckable stress toy

I’m going back in time to the exact moment where Paul McCartney and John Lennon were about to jack each other off and changing the trajectory of modern music my sucking them both off instead

I can’t think of a cute Halloween Bluesky handle god damnit

I’m living in the parallel universe where Jesse McCartney wrote “Boots of Spanish Leather” instead of Bob Dylan and its honestly not that bad

Anti-Dracula Flow “the bugs are gone…”

I do genuinely think most bugs are going to heaven but the soul of the cicada is definitely in question, probably like bug purgatory? But not like the kind of purgatory where like you’re just there and like it’s like heaven but if it was like a super 8 motel version of heaven. Like the kind of heave

they just looked over at me and said, in the most sure voice i've ever heard them speak in: "i'm going to go to cookout. i'm going to get a hot dog. and a coke." and then they broke down crying in tears of joy. transition is so beautiful

I am made of flesh and blood and sinew and bones and sticky stuff and air in my lungs and fuzz, so much fuzz

BARK BARK BARK BARK ABKR SNARL GROWL BARKA BDKA BARK ABRK

Here’s an actually relatively normal selfie you can look at my face in THIS one

You should ignore my face in these, but do me a favor and appreciate the rest of them

So I’m on a date with this Moth Woman. She promised me a “grand tour of the city night life” but we’ve been at this lamp store for 45 minutes and I’m starting to suspect I’m hard of hearing

Me whenever my nonbinary alien friend Xoq gets confused by earth stuff: “hey, go a little easier. It came from outer space.”

You can’t ALWAYS be submissive and breedable you know that’s unrealistic, most of the time you’re just breedable

i didnt have the courage to post this